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Reviews for Feathers On the Wind

By : jemstone5
  • From ANON - Josie on February 15, 2003
    I read it. It's really hard, you need to spellcheck.

    I'd say you should crack open that High Scool Textbook of your and review it, a lot of science and medicine is way off.

    Spellcheck and get a Beta reader, and Kale's bitchy.

    Sorry, I know oyu put itme and et int into this, but it still needs a major amount of work
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  • From ANON - Bob on February 15, 2003
    I tried to read this, but the spelling/grammar is just too bad to follow the story.

    I skimmed down the chapter, hoping htis would improve, but they didn't. It's not in character and the grammar and spelling still make it too hard to follow the story. I did notice your OC Kale, I say you have on helluva Mary Sue there.

    I reccomend a beta editor
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  • From ANON - Sara Blatt on February 12, 2003
    This story desperately needs a beta whose English is of native competence. The flow of sentence
    fragments makes for a disjointed and disconcerting reading experience. To be honest, I gave up
    on reading after the first chapter because the quality of writing made it too difficult to pay attention
    to the content. Just consider the following from the first page.

    "I think so." He'd been traveling further west to the coast, hoping to meet ships traveling further
    west, and eventually arrive at the shores of his homeland. Not that he really had a home. Only
    he'd been hindered of late. Sand storms, twisters, floods, and now earth quakes.

    It would have been more readable and easily understandable had it contained complete sentences.
    The style of repetition evidenced by "traveling further west to the coast, hoping to meet ships traveling
    further west," is also evidence of the need for a good beta. I'm not a particularly good editor, but I
    think it would have been more readable to rephrase the paragraph as follows:

    "I think so." He'd been traveling to the coast, hoping to meet ships traveling further west to his
    homeland, not that he really had a home anymore. His journey had been hindered of late by sand
    storms, twisters, floodnd, nd, now, earthquakes.

    By the way, a spell checker should also be run on this to avoid misspellings such as "immerge."The
    beta would have changed "earth quake" to "earthquake" since a spell checker wouldn't have
    minded it.
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  • From ANON - Alex on February 06, 2003
    Hey, I know you have more chapters to this story, so why not add them here for others to read as well? =) It's a fascinating tale, please indulge your readers with the rest of it. Thank you!
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