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Reviews for Sweet dreams coming true

By : sweetdevil
  • From Koruchan on May 01, 2007
    hints for your next lemon:

    1. words like pussy and dick are not so bad, but it makes it worse when you call attention to them with author notes. It also breaks the mood.
    2. a human tongue is not long enough to break a girl's hymen, nor is it close to painful. Anna should have felt mild discomfort, if at all, when his manhood was inserted, not when he was eating her out. You mention she adjusts to his tongue, which can barely go in, but his fingers have no problem? It just didn't make sense to me.
    3. maybe a bit more detail. Hearing about Yoh going from her clit to inserting in her in one sentence doesn't do anything for me. There's no suspense or excitement. You don't even mention him crawling up her or what he thought of the experience. As a matter of fact, there was hardly anything at all about how they felt emotionally and mentally. You only focused on the physical, and even that lacked detail.

    Good start, but much to improve.
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  • From ANON - review lord on December 27, 2005
    instead of using the words you hate, you could say yoh's "member", but nice job though
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  • From ANON - Inu-midoriko on August 17, 2005
    lol
    the ending was funny
    great one-shot
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  • From ANON - Brian Manning on August 09, 2005
    Overall, description is ok; it just needs deeper storyline in certain parts. However, stop putting in paranthesis that (I don't like to use that word) and stuff like that, it ticks some people off. And, why not use the word pussy or cock, I mean, you're writing a Lemon for godsake. But, since this is you're first time writing something like this, I think you've done a good job. Keep it up.
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  • From ANON - DarkMystic on August 05, 2005
    Ok, well...It was ok at first. But then it started to get a bit sloppy. It doesnt even look as tho you know much at all about sex. So I rated your story a three. ^_^ For a good start and a sucky beginning.
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  • From ANON - Narugami Kiyou on July 22, 2005
    ^^|| It might not be that great... But Overall its pretty cute! =) keep up tha good workz!
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  • From ANON - metaldriger on July 04, 2005
    Nice fic, it could use a bit more detail though. Besides that it"s good.
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  • From ANON - Rukia Kazsushiki on June 27, 2005
    Cute ficcy! please continue!
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  • From ANON - kaoru-chan on June 20, 2005
    to short ^^;...it was good though ...but it could use more detail
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