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Reviews for The First Duel Masters Lemon

By : YamiGoku
  • From ANON - CrazyIvan(Timedout?) on October 18, 2006
    XD Jesus christ dude, this is almost too hilarious to be sexy. I mean, so much 4th wall breakage, and all the randomness, especialy your comments on your own work, and WTF IS UP WITH THE GOD DAMN FRUIT KICK!? I think you'd have exausted all possible words, phrases, and innuendoes for sexual articals, but you still pull even more out of your ass. Another thing, how you agknowlege pulling items from out of nowhere (anime subspace!) instant classic. And how the characters are involved in 4th wall breakage, and just the sheer random stupidity as well as hilarious antics. And some of the most hilarious phrases, "Pulled a Mosses." that is absofuckinglutly brilliant. This is just freaking insane, i don't think I've laughed this hard since I watched 12 hours of Benny Hill! It really is almost a bit too funny, I mean, before you can get aroused, you're laughing your ass off! Not a bad thing though, confusing yes, bad, not so much. And like the other reviewer said, you really could do with a bit of format restructuring, but it isn't absolutly nesseccary, I can determine what is going on. Another props for the violence being smuggled in through the humor (BOOM HEADSHOT!). Sheer brillence is all I can say, I am truely looking foreward to what this fic can turn out to be.
    Also, this is an example of bad formating, this is one blocky review!
    Well, I think I've said enough, mabye too much, but for now this is CrazyIvan, signing off for now, Sepher Phi, carry on!
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  • From CrazyIvan on October 18, 2006
    YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! :O lol, only at chap two but i'm already hooked. I'll leave a more complete review after chapter four.
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  • From Parad0xxx on October 17, 2006
    For starters, the format is kinda crappy. If your aren't using it, use the Input Text option if you're uploading the fics. Makes for an easier read.

    Second, try seperating who's talking to who. And with the format all funktified, it's seriously hard to read.

    And lastly, try not to over exaggerate the characters emotions and actions. Not only is it unnecessary, it's not all the interesting to read.

    Anyhow, all in all, it's an A-OK story. But just fix those target areas and it'll be a GREAT story. Keep up the good work, Yami!

    MST Mistress
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