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Reviews for Sweet Misery between 2

By : darkangel6789
  • From RogueMudblood on September 02, 2013

    I would certainly recommend that you obtain a beta. While you have an interesting start, it's also somewhat clumsy in its execution, which a beta could assist you with.

    The teen angst is a bit overdone, to be honest, and unfortunately too common as a means to drive a plot. If you choose to employ a plot device that is used so often in stories, I would recommend coming up with a focus which will make your story somewhat unique. Remember, we've all seen many movies and read numerous stories that use high school angst as their plot. Without a specific element which will make your story stand out, it doesn't have anything that will draw readers to it any more than any other tale.

    I'd also like to bring to your attention this line:

    is pupils were dilated and thin

    I'm wondering if you're familiar with what dilated eyes look like. Here is a medical description:

    http://www.localhealth.com/article/dilated-pupils

    Here is an article on dilation versus constriction of the eyes:

    http://scienceblogs.com/startswithabang/2011/02/18/open-wide-what-do-you-mean-my/

    When you choose to write, please research anything you intend to include with which you are not fully familiar. It's entirely possible that you simply chose the wrong word, but it makes a great difference to your readers. Your story is received better if the details are accurate.

    I strongly recommend you seek the services of a beta. If you choose to come back to this piece, I do think you have an idea which is workable, but I think you need to do more research, and include less high school drama.

    Happy writing.
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