One Half

BY : skaiton
Category: +M to R > Ranma
Dragon prints: 13334
Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

---Special Note---

---Special Note---

The Kuno idea was taken from RIFT120 at the Delphi fanfic forum. It was a great idea…I hope you don't mind I used it (^_^);


We don’t own none of this, ya hear!? Even the ideas kinda stolen from Chi, how’s that?

---Authors’ Notes---

Suekeiichi Kaiton
This wasn’t originally supposed to be a lemon, it was originally lime but I guess most people construe the first draft to be lemony. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. The original concept was only Ranma as a male prostitute in China and how it would effect his life, kind of an Altaverse thing, I don’t know how it turned into a Sailor Moon crossover. Well, now that I got the ball rolling, may as well play out the rest of the story — this will probably degenerate into mindless sex now that the label has been applied with help from Eric. Expect this to become a lot like a lemon version of Chi’s ‘1/2 A Neko Moon’ only without the catgirls. If Eric and I really get rolling this could become a megacrossover. On a lesser note: Ranma is five years older in his fic to make it more plausible (i.e. Ranma-21, Kasumi-18).

Eric Freedman
Damn second billing! Anyway, I’m kinda getting sick of writing these Sailor Moon lemons where Ranma does nothing but boff every senshi repeatedly, but hey, that’s just the way Kaiton writes. He agreed to let me write a yaoi section this time, some changes of pace I guess. Getting on with it this here’s a big fat lemon in every sense of the word. Read it and weep mortals! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ah, aha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!! Burn in the fires of lemony goodness!!!!! (Kaiton sweatdrops)


1/2 Moon: Chapter 6
A Ranma 1/2 Mega-crossover lemon
By Suekeiichi Kaiton (Head writer, grammatical correction)
And Eric Freedman (Lemon section writer, lazy layabout)


"Ranma! There you are!" Nodoka waved from the front of his clinic as the sexual predator stalked back from Juuban where he'd been in furious copulation with the future ruler of the Solar System. The auburn-bunned woman hurried over and gave her son a firm kiss on the lips before giggling like a schoolgirl and pulling him back to the locked front doors. "Hurry up, my son, you have to start packing!" Ranma then noticed the collection of briefcases and valises piled up against his wall.

"What is it? Where are we going?" Ranma fished his keys from one of his voluminous pockets and unlocked the two doors, swinging them open and locking them in place.

"Oh my son…my virile, manly son we're going to visit my father out in Okayama. He might be able to explain all these things that are happening to you." The elder Saotome hurried up the stairs before Ranma could respond. Nodoka already knew about his vampire condition but both he and Inaho were still trying to figure out the secondary energies in his body and why the vampirism didn't eclipse his entire personality. If she thought her father, his grandfather, would have any answer to the question he would gladly travel to hell and back.

"Good morning to you as well, Ms. Saotome." Inaho hobbled down the stairs in a striped pair of his pajamas, scratching her head. "Where are you two going?"

"I guess to Okayama, she says her father may have an explanation for my dual powers." He hung up his coat and tucked his gift bag into the storage closet, he'd find proper hiding places for them later. "I've just been to Juuban…fucked that little friend of Makoto's, Usagi. Great lay too." Inaho crossed her arms.

"Well, if you're all finished feeding why don't we decide now about the Christmas party." She watched as Ranma snorted and sat down at his desk with a hot cup of tea. "Well?"

"Fine, okay! We'll have a Christmas Party." He was looking over old Mrs. Yamada's recorshe she had a history of broken ankles and he doubted that this year, especially with all the snow they had been getting, she would avoid another tumble. "Say about eight at my place?"

"And who do you want me to invite? Makoto obviously, Usagi? Rei? Chisato and Ami? I'd think you of all people would want to keep those girl's apart." The emerald vampiress poured herself over his lap and clasped his neck in her arms, smiling up sweetly behind her tinted lenses.

"I'll think about it while I'm away. It'll only be for a few days at most, we'll finalize the plans then, okay?"

"Fine." She sipped at his teacup and ground her firm ass into his crotch, trying to reawaken his sleeping giant. "I assume than that Setsuna will be taking over for you while you're away?"

"Yeah, she's far more qualified than I am to be treating people."

"Than I think you should wake her up." The vampire princess pointed into the examining room where Setsuna's naked and satiated body was still sleeping peacefully on the table.

"I'll let her sleep."

---Furinkan HS---

"So I thought he might be here."

"Nope, I haven't seen him since yesterday morning." Nabiki waved goodbye to her sister and watched as Kasumi walked dejectedly back to the Dojo. She had come looking for Ranma since Inaho had told her he was out. If Ranma was out of town than…oh the possibilities were endless. Nabiki rubbed her hands together in anticipation.


"Where on earth am I now!!!!!???" Ryouga clasped his head and screamed up at the heavens before a distinct crackling was heard and his world exploded in pain. As the idiotic boy fall to the ground in shock, Mara appeared out of a convenient pile of dog crap.

"You really are a moron, you know that? This is the fifth time you've fractured your own skull since you got these powers! Honesty, could I find an Angel of Death for Ranma with a little more brains?"

Somewhere in China an unfortunately named young man sneezed as he demanded to know who had dipped him in THAT pool when he was an infant. All the Jusenkyo guide could do was shrug.

---Later, during the Furinkan lunch period---

"Methinks the beauteous Akane Tendo spends her lunch period under the corpus of this tree."

"That's right Kuno, and you remember what I told you?"

"Verily! The Blue Thunder has the memory of the proverbial pachyderm." Yeah, and about the intelligence of one, Nabiki thought as she accepted his proffered handful of yen and stepped back towards the school building, eager to watch the proceedings from the safety of her classroom window.

"Good. Well then, Dumbo, I'll leave you two to it then, shall I?"

"Our joyous union would fair better were the likes of you not here to sully the virginal coy nature of my fierce tigress." Kuno was still dressed in his blue hakama and made a dismissive gesture with his bokken. "Go then thou treacherous serpent, bother us no more!"

"Hey, calm down there, Tachi, I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing." Nabiki fled the scene.

"Akane Tendo, henceforth no plebian scum shall interfere with your noble quest for my bed." Soon, the object of Kuno's misguided affections walked underneath the shade of the foliage with Yuka and Sayuri in toe.

"Hey…isn't that Kuno?" Yuka shook her blue-haired friend's shoulder and pointed to the daydreaming fool.

"Why's he here? It isn't his lunch period." Sayuri collected her skirt and smoothed it under her knees, sitting primly on the grass. As Akane did the same Kuno finally broke out of his stupor.

"Akane Tendo! I have heard of your lustful passions regarding my body and have come to consummate your wildest dreams!" Kuno blushed fiercely but did as Nabiki had suggested, pulling his clothes off in a single rip, standing naked under the grove of trees as Yuka and Sayuri burst out laughing.

"KUNO! What the hell do you think you're DOING!?!?!?" Akane blushed and turned her head away. Kuno was quite obviously aroused as his four-inch long erection stood perpendicular to his stomach.

"But Akane Tendo, do you deny you pleasured yourself all last night to fantasies of my manly charms?" Kuno still gestured with his bokken, only this one wasn't made of wood, and a strand of glistening fluid flew up into the air, landing on Akane's head.

"Oh my, Akane did you really?"

"And here we all thought you hated Kuno!"

"N-n-n-no! I mean I didn't do it to Kuno…Ranma did it! I swear!"

"Oh my god! You have the hots for the new doctor?" Yuka blushed as Kuno continued ranting, causing his…package…to bounce and bob in the air. If you could call that a package…Ranma's cock was certainly more impressive.

"Hey, I don't blame you. He's totally cute."

"Quit it you guys! I didn't do anything to Kuno or Ranma, he did something to me!"

"So you did touch yourself?"

"Yes! I mean no! Well, yeah I guess I did but I didn't want to, not to Kuno at least!" Akane was reaching critical mass, her face was burning red and her hands were clenching uncontrollably as she fought against the raging embarrassment. Kuno was still naked and erect, staring stupefied at Akane.

"So you like girls?"

"That explains why you wanted to do _that_ at my sleepover!"

"Yuka! Sayuri! I don't like girls! I like men!"

"So you did frig yourself to Kuno?"


"Come into my arms, my tigress and let us join together as men and women should! I shall penetrate deep into your heart with my manly steel!" Yuka began to giggle again.

"Not with that little pecker." Sayuri joined her short-haired friend and the two soon degenerated back into boisterous laughter.

"SHUT UP YOU PERVERT!!!!" With that cry Akane pulled out the biggest mallet she had, the one that was twelve times bigger than herself and coated in titanium, and walloped Kuno under the chin to catapult him high into the sky. She knew of only one person cruel enough to tell Kuno about her non-stop masturbatory session. Growling, she burst into iridescent blue flame.


---Hikawa Shrine, Afternoon---

"Have any of you heard from Setsuna today?" Haruka lifted her head from nuzzling Michiru's neck and posed the odd question, watching as expressions of confusion fell into place over the Inners eyes.

"Doesn't she work at your school?" Usagi looked up from her handful of pastry and spoke with her mouth full, spilling crumbs all over the carpet.

"Would you close your mouth or finish chewing before you talk, stupid, I just vacuumed the rug!" Rei screeched at her blonde friend, she hadn't had any in a couple of days and she was horny as hell. She was currently wearing a leather panty with a vibrator tucked snuggly in her cunt to help her deal until Ranma could 'cum' again. Still, with each day that passed without his sessions her mastery of ki siphoning grew, she had been sucking life-force from the entire group since they arrived. Why, on a whim she could degenerate their get-together into a massive orgy, although Haruka and Michiru probably wouldn't even need too much prodding. "And would you two stop trying to have sex in my livingroom!?"

"Haruka-papa, why is Rei so angry?" Hotaru finished her cookie and sipped at her glass of milk, having to use both hands to lift the tall container.

"Oh don't worry, Hotaru-chan, Rei's just angry 'cause she hasn't gotten any." This caused a literal uproar between the friends, Minako and Makoto gaping at the Senshi of Mars, Usagi cheering for her friend, and Ami failing to acknowledge the confession burned across Rei's cheeks. She was too busy daydreaming about Ranma to care if Rei slept with King Endymion himself.

"Don't talk like that in front of Hotaru!" Michiru admonished her partner, covering the Senshi of Saturn's ears a little too late.

"Aw, she's twelve, she's old enough to know 'bout the birds and the bees."

"Rei," Usagi asked with a lecherous smirk, "Is this true? Have you been doing something naughty?"

"Shut up, meatball head! So what if I've been seeing a guy? It's not like you're the only one of us who can fuck!"

"Now that's definitely enough. Haruka, can you go get the car?" Michiru's aqua locks swung in the air as she turned and gathered Hotaru in her arms.

"Sure, just make sure you tell me everything I missed, okay?"

"Just take Hotaru with you."

"So?" Usagi leaned up against Rei, whispering conspiratorially in her ear, her eyes flat. "Who is this stud?"

"Yeah! Tell us who!" Rei blushed and looked away from Makoto.

"…mumble…" Rei twiddled her thumbs and stared down at the floor. Michiru's eyebrow rose in surprise.

"He's older than you…isn't he?" Usagi jumped to her feet and stared down the older girl.

"And what's wrong with having a boyfriend older than you?" So what if Mamoru was six years her senior? When one is ruler of the solar system one can take a lover of whatever age one wants! "Who is he? Someone we know?"


"Answer us!" Usagi grasped Rei by the shoulders and shook her. By that time, Rei's blush had gone from noticeable to atomic, a wide slash of red underneath her eyes as the Senshi stared at their friend. "Someone from school? Our school? Mugen Gakuen?"

"He doesn't go to school…at least I don't think he does. I don't know what he does, he just arrives at the shrine every few days."



"Have you been out on a date?"

"What's his name?"

Rei seemed to consider that question for a little bit before hesitantly replying.

"His name's…Ranma, Ranma Saotome."

Just then a falling naked pervert smashed through the roof of the shrine. On his stomach. With an erection. Although it was physically impossible for said organ to snap, let alone make a horrifying crack as the full 160 pounds of Kendoist was forcibly set upon the muscle. All the girls present winced as the sound seemed to echo on in the still air. Hesitatingly Luna and Artemis peeked from underneath a fallen door.

"Who the hell is this!?" Rei turned the conked-out Kuno over on his back and the checked his pulse. "Whoever he is, he's still breathing." Luna strode over to Usagi and produced a transformation pen from…somewhere.

"Usagi, as the future ruler of the Solar System it is your duty to be kind and merciful to all of your subjects. I'm sure the poor boy would appreciate it if you healed him." Said future ruler cringed at the thought.

"But I don't want to get too close to him, god only knows what he was doing! What if I touch him?" The rest of the Senshi gathered around the fallen 'warrior' and lifted him up, setting him down on the table.

"You were doing a lot more with that vampire person last night."

"Oh my God! You were listening?" Usagi blushed from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She promptly turned SD and ran around the room crying.

"Artemis I would have expected to spy, but Luna? Weird…" Minako shook out a throw blanket and spread it over the nude patient. Soon enough Usagi transformed and fired a Moon Healing Escalation at the unfortunate which had the very odd effect of frying Kuno instead of healing him. The Moon power was enough, however, to activate the crescent moon on his forehead. All the Senshi could do was stare in shock.

"_He's_ someone from the Moon Kingdom!?!?!?"

"What kind of pervert is he?"

"A royal pervert?" Luna approached the extra-crispy Kuno and pawed a few stray bangs from the mark, steeling her features for the announcement.

"He was not royalty. This is the mark of the Lunar Guard." The girls all gathered around to hear the cat's tale, sitting around the still smoking body. "If I'm right than this boy is none other than the reincarnation of Marshall Dios Spiduit, the greatest General in the Kingdom's history. Full of unparalleled bravery and a cunning mind he won more battles that this world has seen since the fall of the Moon Kingdom."

"Sounds like quite a guy." Rei peeled a bit of charred flesh from her carpet. "If he's so great why don't we awaken him? Any help against the Youma would be welcome." With one more threat before the Great Freeze, it seemed the armies of youma were growing exponentially. Luna pointed at Usagi.

"Try your Healing Escalation once again, Sailor Moon." Artemis, from behind the couch bit back a curse as he realized Luna was really going to revive the lunatic.

"Moon Healing Escalation!!!!!" The crescent beam enveloped Kuno's body and healed his wounds, the eldritch light seeping into his body, awakening the spirit that lay within…


"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Inaho hit the ceiling in surprise as Setsuna awoke with a vengeance, the pleading cry splitting her eardrums. "NOT HIM…NOT AGAIN!" It took all of Inaho's strength just to hold the deranged naked woman down on the table.

---Back at the ranch---

"Come to me my lovely darlings of justice! Let us consummate our engagements with a night of unbridled passion! Methinks my manly spear has repaired itself, I can think of no better way to celebrate my glorious resurrection!" Kuno, or rather Dios Spiduit was chasing after first one than all of the gathered Senshi, waving his package at the girls as they ran in fear.

"Luna! Why didn't you tell me he was a lunatic!" Rei grit her teeth as Kuno walked by without discovering her hiding place under the tatami mats in the tearoom. "This is all your fault Meatball head!"

"Waaah! How was I supposed to know?"

"Shut up! Do you want him to hear us?" It was too late, with a cry of 'my loves!' Kuno sprang at the floor, his manhood piercing through the mats like a killer's knife in one of those awful gaijin horror movies. "Ahhh! Run!" The two dueling friends sprang up from the dusty foundation and made a bee-line for the courtyard as Dios tried to extricate himself from the floor.

"What the hell is going on here?" Haruka and Michiru ran back up to the shrine when the screaming began, Hotaru lagging behind as the physically weak young girl struggled with the hundreds of steps.

"Who is that boy chasing after Minako?" The aqua-tressed violinist screamed as the boy caught sight of them and began running in their direction. "He's coming this way! Haruka, do something!" But he was already upon them.

"Come to me, wives! I have enough for you all, come, come, there is no need for such coy attitudes, I am your beloved!" Kuno leapt at the couple as they shrank back in horror at his shrunken horror, both powering up into uniform under the assumption that he was a exceedingly human youma.

"Deep Submerge!"

"World Shaking!" Kuno, despite being as nudes as could be, deftly avoided the attacks and latched onto Haruka. The Senshi with the page-boy haircut was less than thrilled with a maniac grinding his prick into her skirt. One uppercut later, Kuno went flying down the stairs leading up to the shrine. Wiping the clear slime from her leg, Haruka snorted in disgust and helped Michiru coax the Inners out of hiding.

"Who was that crazy son-of-a-bitch!?" Uranus pulled Usagi and Rei up off the ground and dusted their clothes off as Neptune walked calmly out of the house with Makoto, Ami and Minako. "He seemed to think he was married to all of us! Crazy-ass bastard…"

"That's because he is…well, he's engaged to all of you anyway." Luna chose that moment to pop out from under the shrine. Artemis had wisely decided to make himself scarce. "Marshall Spiduit was the most decorated officer in the history of the Moon Kingdom and as an award, the Queen engaged him to all of you as a default husband if you could find no mate." The poor black cat failed to notice the blue aura phasing into existence around her wards. "Furthermore he…gulp…"

"And why didn't you tell us this before we awakened him? Now we have some sex-crazed pervert after all of us!" Somewhere between Nerima and Okayama a certain pig-tailed doctor sneezed.


"That sounded like Hotaru!" Michiru lead the band to the top step of the shrine and as they looked down they saw exactly what was making poor Hotaru cry out like that…Kuno was exposing himself to the youngest of his 'wives'. Haruka and Michiru glowed red before they rocketed down the stairs and catapulted Kuno inblivblivion (which was expecting him, after all they did treat their frequent customers well).

"PERVERT!" Soon enough the Outers were packed back inside Haruka's car and on their way home leaving the Inners to their two new problems.

The first of which was Kuno, although they figured they didn't have to worry about him for awhile.

The second, and more pressing issue, was of course Ranma Saotome.

---Nerima, evening---

It had taken two doses of tranquilizers and 20 cc's of Thorazene before Setsuna calmed down and now Inaho was just locking up the front doors when the pounding of many female fists echoed in the open lobby of the clinic. And she was just about to head upstairs to bed, too. Walking back to the entrance and flipping the deadbolt, the pale beauty opened the doors wide to reveal all of the Sailor Senshi in full battle uniform glowing red in anger…

"Could we please speak to Ranma?"

---Okayama, Masaki Shrine, the next day---

"So this is it?" Ranma walked beside his mother as they scaled the towering steps of the Masaki Shrine. It had taken them all morning just to get out into the mountains where the Shrine was located, let alone actually find the place. Now with all those steps in front of him, Ranma was seriously beginning to doubt the validity of Nodoka's declaration. Said woman, his mother and…ahem…lover, walked determined up the stone staircase and passed him on her way to the top. The shrine itself reminded him of Rei's, it wasn't that surprising actually because both were Shinto temples.

"Now Ranma," She was standing on the top step and looking at something in front of her, staring hard as she didn't even look at him, "I have to talk to my father alone. Why don't you go off and explore the grounds, there's a demon's cave near here that you liked to visit when you were little." He was wearing a dark blue tunic heightightly at the waist by a wide leather belt and a pair of tan slacks. His usual black slippers adorned his feet. "Go!" She dismissed him with a wave of her hand and haltingly approached her father.

Ranma decided to reacquaint himself with his youthful haunts.

"Excuse me?" Nodoka approached the tall older man calmly sweeping the shrine, tugging gently on the sleeve of his robe.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Katsuhito adjusted his glasses in the sunlight, idly pluc the them from his wrinkled nose and cleaning them with a soft cloth, and squinted at the young woman standing in front of him, hands on hips. "You do look vaguely familiar, surely I would remember a pretty face…"

"Very funny, father." Nodoka rolled her eyes and crossed her arms underneath her breasts. "I've divorced Genma."

"Well then, daughter, by all means welcome home!" He embraced his eldest and was thankful that whatever spell bound her to Genma had since been eradicated. The stray sheep could be brought back into the fold. "Now you must tell me everything that has happened." Together the two started in the direction of the shrine office, where a certain someone was snooping about where they shouldn't…

Meanwhile, Ranma had wandered down an old rock trail behind the shrine and arrived in a clearing where the cliff-face gleamed like an exposed skeleton in the light. Setting down on a flat sheet of rock he began to mede, he, hoping to understand the ominous portents he had been feeling. Something was going on back in Nerima but what exactly that was he could not tell. Hesitantly he began to reach out with his senses.

It wasn't that now the girls all knew he was screwing behind their backs, he was fairly certain that their camaraderie would persevere, it was how Makoto was going to be so crushed when the truth finally came out. He hadn't really meant to hurt her, perhaps he should have been more up-front with her from the start? Breathing deeply the clean tangy scent of the forest he began to glow as all the ki he had suppressed was expelled, thick clouds of the stuff rolling off his body in droves.

"You're here at last." His eyes bolted open, a shiver running down his spine as he felt a force pulse out of lifeless rock and float aimlessly before his prostrate form. "It took you long enough." A cyan-haired woman floated with her arms crossed under her trim breasts, a look of obvious displeasure on her face.

"Hmm? Who the hell are you?" The ghostly female was blown back to somersault in the air, as if physically wounded by his question.

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Remember what? Who are you?" He rose from his lotus position, dusting off the seat of his pants and calling forth his vampire powers to float up alongside her, their eyes locked.

"You made a promise to me sixteen years ago!" The girl's curled fist began to crackle with electricity. "You said that you'd free me!"

"I was five years old! How do you expect me to remember that?" His clothes seemed to shimmer for a moment before the liquid symbiotic material reformed into a set of raven Jurian robes. Ryoko decided not to comment on his color scheme.

"Try being stuck in a cave for seven-hundred years, then we'll talk." Than this must be the legendary demon Ryoko, yes, he vaguely remembered playing out in the woods as a child. A promise he made? Could he trust her? She must have been imprisoned for a reason…

"Fine, fine, point taken."

---In the shrine office---

"Tenchi! What do you think you're doing!?"

"Uh…I was…um…"

"Looking for these?"


"If you can take them from me I will allow you to go."

"Hiya! Ahhh…? Whoa!"

"Try harder."

Tenchi looked up from the floor as Katsuhito ushered an auburn-haired woman into the room, a ring of silvery metal keys clamped tightly between white teeth.

---Ryoko's cave---

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ranma threw the mangled remains of the durasteel lock across the cave and heard the muted clink of metal amid the telltale sound of falling rock debris.

"You just snapped a Jurian lock with your bare hands." Ryoko's shoulder strap fell off the rounded edge of her limb, a mighty sweatdrop forming as he dusted his hands off.

"Okay…so?" Ryoko's mouth twitched a bit before she pinched the bridge of her nose. "What is it?"

"Never mind. I guess I got the right guy for the job at least…heh, heh…let's move on." She seemed to have the slightest bit of insanity in her laugh and manic fear in her eyes as her apparition floated further down the cavern. Sunlight was streaming in from the summit of the mountains as a trickle of underground water echoed off the earthen walls. Below the blinding bright eye of the sun was a pool of deep azure liquid which remained still even as he stepped in the puddle. "That's Yosho's blade, you'll need that to break the seal." She turned around just in time to see Ranma finish cracking his knuckles.

"We'll just see about that…heh…"

After about fifteen minutes of heated attempts at pulverization, Ranma finally gave up and smashed the wooden model of the shrine sitting atop a steel pole. "I told you so," Ryoko intoned.

"Now wait just a minute. Before I open this godforsaken seal I have to know, how can I be assure you aren't going to just turn around and destroy the Earth?"

"I thought we went over this already?" Ryoko alighted upon a smooth boulder and pointed towards the seal prison chamber, the massive slab of enchanted rock hermetically sealed around the entrance. "Look, I can't destroy anything without the gems embedded in the sword, Yosho took them so I would be powerless. I can't take them anyway, they have to be given back to me…freely."

"And besides which, you only wanted to destroy because this Kagato character was controlling you." Ranma finished for her, lifting the rusted blade closer to his face for inspection.

"Well, destroying things is rather therapeutic but no, I promise not to destroy…much." She was loosing her patience with his plague of insecurities.

"As long as we understand each other." Ranma hefted the surprisingly heavy weapon and brought in quickly down on the rock with a crash. "Fucking piece of junk snapped in half!"

"Wait! Watch…" The demon laughed happily as the boulder split in half at the impact point and the enormous wall of stone behind it revealed the glowing emerald passage to her tomb. "Ha, ha! You did it Ranma!"

"Was there any doubt?" He replied with a smug smirk.

"If I could touch you, I'd kiss you!" The space pirate was giddy with anticipation. After seven hundred years she was going to be free, yes free to pillage at will.

"Well, I've got plenty of free time after this, you can thank me then." Ryoko caught his lascivious glance and little stars appeared in her eyes - at last someone as sexually frank as herself! Ranma in the meantime bravely leapt down into the pulsing green passage with thetractracted pirate trailing soon after. Seemingly miles had gone by from the mouth of the tunnel when they finally hit bottom. Really hit bottom.

"Ahh! Ouch. You could have freaking warned me you know!" He rubbed his sore behind, getting up gingerly so as not to aggravate his bruised coccyx. Ryoko just laughed, holding her flat stomach and rolling in mid-air giggling fits. "There's nothing funny about it! Now my ass is killing me!: His cat-eyed companion slyly grinned.

"Give me my corporeal form and I'll do something about it maybe." Ryoko made a show of caressing his buttocks with her phantom hands.

"I'll take you up on that, you know." He crossed the broken stone floor and warily approached the sunken dais where the 'demon's body lay.

The coursing green flows of power all ran to the depression that seemed to be teeming with the element, pulsing in synch with what Ranma assumed was her 'heart'. Black slippers crinkled as they ground grit against the smooth stones, the steps becoming progressively shorter as he neared the sarcophagus. Ranma didn't fear anything save sterility and impotence, yet something about the chi flows comprising the prison bothered him - in fact they seemed uncannily similar to his ki signature. He decided that such analysis could wait.

"Okay…now before you awaken me you have to strip off all your clothes." Ryoko was perched above her own body, the mummy's face concealed by a chiseled red stone mask of an oni.

"What!? Why?" Not that he had anything against lying naked over a pretty woman but a mummy?

"Just do what I tell you! You've come this far, we're going to go all they way!" Ranma tried not to read too much into her proclamation, shrugging and did as he was bidden slowly undressing himself until only his black silk boxers were left hanging on his frame. His cyan-haired friend was drooling already as she saw the wrinkled tip of his uncut penis peeking just below the leg of his shorts. "Heh, heh, go all the way…er…um…uh, ha, ha, ha, I mean you _have_ to be nude for this to work!" A puddle of her drool was forming under her slack jaw as he stepped out of the garment and revealed himself in all his glory. She found it most curious, however, that he wasn't erect.

"Okay. What do I do now?" He crossed his arms over his chest, trying to ignore Ryoko's gaze on his crotch. The space pirate in question shook herself and floated horizontally over his body, cocking her head up to look him in the eye and pointing at her prone body.

"Go to it, prince, give us a kiss!"

"Ugh! No way!" He backed away from the body.

"Don't be stupid, Ranma, just kiss the mask with your ki!" He came back and looked up at her with an upraised eyebrow. "Oh, come on! The big bad, martial artist is afraid to kiss me? Oh the shame of it all!"

"Alright! Alright! I'll do it, just shut up!" Ranma stepped down a few steps short of the oozing fluid. "I just want it to be know I don't go around kissing freeze-dried mummies all the time, okay?" The wiry man stepped into the hole and was amazed when his legs sank into the iridescent green muck up to his waist. "What the hell!? I thought this was shallow?" The 'water' wasn't really all that unpleasant, it was warm like a hot bath and his ki was refilled to bursting by the similar energy. Wading slowly to the thin corpse he crawled atop it, amazed that the body didn't just sink due to his excess weight. In the end he was on his hands and knees above Ryoko's brittle skeleton.

"What are you waiting for? Kiss me!" Shutting his eyes tight Ranma focused his ki to his lips and pressed them firmly to the cold rock mask. To his astonishment the stone melted into a pair of very warm, very female lips, and a wet tongue that wormed into his mouth.

"Mmnph!?" Was all that he could utter as Ryoko wrapped her wet naked legs and arms around him, pulling him down into the warm fluid. The kiss was electric and passionate as their naked legs entwined within the oily heat of the basin, Ryoko pushing him against the side, molding her body to his. One of her sleek hands cupped the back of his neck, pushing his face closer to hers while the other gently encircled his phallus, the fingers examining every wrinkle and vein along the shaft.

"Mmm…you've got quite a piece of equipment down here. Do you use it often?" She broke from his lips and turned her head so she could whisper huskily in his ear. A leg broke through the opaque membrane of the liquid and bent around his shoulder, almost forcing her unshaved snatch into his mouth. Ryoko was curled around his head, her hair thrown back as she screamed in pleasure, Ranma's teeth lightly nipping at the delightfully fatty tissue of her inner thigh.

While being well over 800 years old (although in suspended animation for the last 700) Ryoko had really yet to reach the prime of her life. She was still in late adolescence, although an early bloomer, physically - hence she still had pockets of adorable baby fat around her hips and thighs. For the most part, aside from those areas, her body was muscle.

"I told you I'd take you up on that offer." Ranma's tongue licked at the crease between her cunt leg,leg, his nose brushing against her lips as she attempted to ride his face. While his bloodlust could wait, Ranma felt that now was a good time to feed, what with the opportunity and all. Closing his eyes and concentrating, he opened them again to reveal pure black pits with a single pinprick of yellow in each to signify that indeed they were still eyes. Opening his mouth his fangs slid from the soft tissue of his gums, ripping through them as the need arose within him to bite into the pulsing thigh and feast on the alien blood.

"What are you doing..? Ahh-!" Ryoko let go of his head and fell back into the soup, Ranma mouth still firmly attached to her thigh, as she felt spasms of ecstasy explode up and down her body. He was drinking deeply of the wellspring of new energy, greedily sucking out her red life as he hands grasped her tits, twisting the nipples cruelly as he detached from her flesh and reattached onto her cunt. To Ryoko the pain of his fangs was far overshadowed by the pleasure of his skillful tongue plowing into her insides.

Time to end this.

Ranma slid his slick hands down her back, leaving droplets of green liquid as he hit nerve endings. He was full of blood, that intoxicating liquor of humanity that sang from the veins and arteries of all living creatures, and he was beset with a mad lust. Grasping her buttocks firmly he lifted her over his erection that sprouted out of the water anpalepaled her violently, the whole of his manhood buried deep inside the sensitive membranes of her cervix with one powerful thrust. Her reaction was so loud that her screamed caused all the birds roosting in the forest to take flight, momentarily blotting out the sun and alerting Katsuhito and Nodoka to their carnal activities.

"What do you think you're doing!?!?" Tenchi slid to a stop after jumping down the forbidding shaft (no pun intended), catching the cobblestones to slow the velocity. "Who are you people?" Ranma withdrew from Ryoko with a grunt and propped her exhausted body on the edge of the basin, rising from the verdant waves and pointing his cock at the nearest possible female…Tenchi. His face broke out into a seductive smile.

"Hello there…I'm Ranma Saotome."

---Nerima, afternoon---

"I'm sorry but Dr. Saotome is away for a few days." Setsuna looked up from the desk at the girl, Yuka Honda she believed, as said patient hobbled into the office in crutches.

"Oh well, I'll be back in a few days then." Yuka promptly pulled her leg out of the cast and pulled both her shoe and pair of panties from her schoolbag, replacing both before walking out of the clinic as healthy as could be. Setsuna shook her head and adjusted her tally, it was up to thirteen high school girls and six housewives. Ranma sure got around, not that she could blame any of the girls or women for their shameless lusting - she wasn't any better after all.

"That brings it up to…?"

"Thirteen." She swiveled over to face Usagi as the blonde sat on a leather cushioned stool, sipping slowly at a juicebox. "And six women." The blonde pushed off the cabinets at her feet and rolled across the room to Ami, who was busy typing on the Mercury computer.

"Actually, Setsuna, I have fourteen girls. I believe you forgot about that Tendo girl who arrived to bring him breakfast." The blue-haired Senshi of Mercury pulled off her tiny spectacles and wiped a bit of crust from the inner corner, withdrawing a soft cleaning cloth from her pocket.

"No, Mercury, Inaho told me that she's about as clueless as…well, something that's really clueless…" Minako set down the tray of tea and cakes Makoto had just pulled from the oven. The other simply rolled their eyes, at least they didn't have to correct her that time. "He isn't fucking her."

"How's Makoto holding up?" Rei was juggling a few scalpels in the air with her ki, much to the delight of Phobos and Apollo as the two crows perched on the open windowsill. "Any more crying?"

"No, now she just seems pissed that he fucked all of us and not her." The blonde lifted herself up onto the countertop next to Usagi who was far to busy stuffing her gaping maw full of sweets to pay any mind to the conversation. "I mean, c'mon, he fucked the living shit out of Usagi and came just a few minutes before Makoto arrived."

"So…" Setsuna turned to face the defenders of love and justice, the Sailor Senshi. "What do you all propose to do about Ranma?"

"Screw him 'till he's a shriveled up corpse?"

"Tie him up in leather and spatter him with candle wax?"

"Cover him in honey?"

"Tie him to my bed?"

"Make him my royal consort!" Two guesses who the last comment was from.

"Okay, okay, I can see how you all feel about him and I agree he is a welcome loophole in the Spiduit engagement, but how do you really feel?" Being something of an armchair psychiatrist, their reactions were sure to intrigue Pluto's mind. "Ami, why don't we start with you." The blue-haired girl blushed and folded up the Mercury computer.

"Uh…w-well I like Ranma, I like him a lot but I know that Mako-chan loves him, not to mention my mother. I guess I have very strong feelings for him but I'm not sure if it's love or lust."

"That's very brave of you to ask yourself that question, Ami. What about you, Usagi?" The blonde swallowed the huge load of cookies in her mouth and finished her glass of milk before speaking, earning her a superior smirk from Rei.

"I love him! Ranma's always been nice to me, and supportive. He seemed to know what was going on with Mamoru and accepted my decision to dump him. I guess I really haven't known him that long but I do feel a bond with him."

"And were you really serious about making him your consort?"

"Of course! The Silver Millennium deserves a strong heir to the throne and Ranma'll give me lots of strong children."

"What about you, Minako?" Setsuna wrote down Usagi's response before moving on, the notes could prove valuable later on…

"He's the greatest guy I've ever known, he's great in bed and understands me. He's never missed a date or a bedroom, and just like Usagi said he's very supportive of whatever I do. I love him because he makes me feel good."

"And that's the only reason?"


"What was that?" Setsuna craned her neck to hear the faint whisper.

"I said he always calls me 'smart' or 'witty'. And he always listens to my problems." Rei dropped the scalpels and threw one at the cabinet next to Minako's head.

"He's a fucking pervert! He seduced me just like he seduced you all, he can't be trusted!"

"And Rei what makes you feel this way?"

"He practically raped me!"

"And are you telling me that you didn't ask him for it? That you didn't in fact beg him for it?" Rei seemed to waver for a moment before bursting into tears. Usagi and Minako tried to sooth the bawling priestess, rubbing her back and holding her in a warm embrace as Setsuna watched the proceedings with a critical eye. "You love him, don't you?"

"I don't love that scumbag! He's just a fucking pedophile!" Rei lost all composure at that point and had to be taken upstairs to lie down for a little while. As much as she suppressed it, she did love Ranma. Yet she saw this love as a weakness, her love was nothing more than idol-worship she told herself, denying that she felt a kinship with Ranma greater than anything else she had ever felt, and that scared her. Here she had found a man who accepted her magic powers, her martial arts, her strong will, and such unconditional acceptance frightened her.

"What about you, Setsuna?" Makoto emerged from the apartment, still wearing her cooking apron with her brown hair tied in a simple ponytail. "Why are you here?"

"I just needed to vent some hormones, there's nothing else between us." The brunette glanced at her with a wary eye. "I swear it's just sex, he is very good in bed."

"I don't believe that for a second, Setsuna." Makoto gestured at her with a used mixing spoon. "You've been alive for hundreds of years, thousands of years, yet you have never taken a lover until now. There's something special about Ranma, something that excites you." Setsuna was shaken by her accusations and how close to home they were but decided to turn the tables.

"What about you? Are you sure you aren't just chasing the ghost of your old boyfriend? Seeing Ranma as something he isn't? Are you just accepting his love because he reminds you of someone else? Are you sure you aren't just projecting your love for another onto him?" Grumbling, Makoto returned to the kitchen as Inaho returned with lunch. The conversation and discussion ended up causing more questions than answers for them all…why did they all feel so drawn to Ranma?

Kuno ran by the window but thankfully didn't see any of them inside the darkened clinic.

Setsuna shuddered and decided not to over-analyze, if anything Ranma was their way out of the Spiduit engagement. Best not to think so much on it, a fuck was a fuck, right?

---Masaki Shrine---

Katsuhito sat in the shrine office next to Nodoka, across from them sat his two grandchildren and the Space Pirate Ryoko. The latter wasn't really sitting as much as floating in midair behind Ranma but still retained her seated stance, as if she was resting atop an invisible cushion. His granddaughter was still blushing and stealing sideways glances at her cousin. Would children ever learn?

"I suppose that now is the time to reveal our family's history." He stood and looked out at the forest and mountains, his voice laced with emotion. "Ryoko, why don't you introduce yourself?" The spiky cyan-haired woman rested her head in her hand and waved lazily with the other.

"Hiya, I'm the Space Pirate Ryoko Hakubi, nice to meet you." Her tone dripped sarcasm, her eyes glaring daggers at Tenchi as the short-cropped, mousy looking teen sweatdropped. What had she done to deserve this?

"Well than Tenchi, Nodoka-chan, if this is Ryoko than what else can we assume?" He was facing out the window as he asked the question, hands clasped firmly behind his back.

"Then the legend must be true, Ryoko and Yosho must have fallen from the sky." Nodoka looked sideways at the demon as she absently juggled four energy orbs. "Which would make the Masaki family aliens."

"So than we're aliens?" Tenchi asked, suddenly fearful of the response she might receive.

"Indeed. Ranma, my boy, what do you conclude from this turn of events?" The martial artist-turned-vampire lovingly caressed Ryoko's neck and hair like a cat as she draped herself in his lap and began to purr. He looked up at the 'elderly' man and eyed the sword hilt that lay by Tenchi's thigh.

"I'd say that you're Yosho, oyaji." He grinned in triumph as Yosho's control wavered ever so slightly.

"Well, I knew you could tell, Ranma, but I didn't think that you would put it so bluntly." He coughed as his daughter glared daggers at him, daring him to deny it - but why would he? "As Ranma, so tactlessly put it, indeed I am Yosho of the House of Jurai. An alien."

"And why didn't you ever say anything about this? Did mother know?" The red-head jumped on her father, shaking him by the collar just as anyone would if they found out their entire life had been a lie. "Did Achika know?" Ryoko pulled her off and sat her roughly back in her spot, casting her a defiant glance before returning to Ranma's lap in a distinctly feline manner.

"I wanted…to keep this a secret but with Ryoko free and Ranma's unique abilities I had to break the silence." He straightened his robe from Nodoka's manhandling and his forehead flared briefly before twin marks manifested. He looked at his audience and sighed, realizing for the first time since he began his confession that the old problems he had fled from might return. No matter know, his family needed answers. "I am…or rather was, the crown prince of planet Jurai. When Ryoko attacked-"

"Under the coercion of Kagato." Katsuhito, or Yosho, looked at Ranma with a respectful gaze. It seemed the boy was good enough to gain Ryoko's trust, well that and her affection.

"-Jurai I followed her to this planet and defeated her. With my starship destroyed I settled here." Of course that was just a boldfaced lie, but they didn't need to know that, did they?

"So how does this answer my power problems?" Ryoko snuggled closer into his lap as he scratched behind her ear, letting out a throaty gasp as he gently tugged her hair. Katsuhito gestured to the fallen sword hilt and it sprang from the floor and slapped into his wrinkled palm. Before Ranma could react the glowing blue blade of Sword Tenchi was at his throat. He could feel the humming rhythm of the weapon on the skin of his neck.

"This is the Tenchi-ken, Ranma. Only members of the Royal family can manifest a blade, let alone wield the power of the goddess. Your vampiric experience was halted by the hand of Tsunami, it was because of the Jurai power that you can control your dark side." Yosho deactivated the blade and tossed it back to Tenchi. The brunette caught the light device and steeled her resolve, realizing what great power she had been bestowed but not comprehending the grave dangers the possession would brin "I promise not to let you down." She slid the hilt into her tunic, letting Ranma get and serendipitous glance at her black sports bra.

"Perhaps you should go back to Tenchi's home, Nodoka, I believe you have yet to meet Achika's husband, Nobuyuki." The tall woman nodded and left her son in Yosho's care, realizing what her father intended. Tenchi sluggishly rose and followed, wondering what her grandfather had in mind. Ranma himself was a bit wary of the old man, with the reputation he had only a fool would have felt 100% secure in his presence. "Now, Ranma, you training begins…"

---To be continued---

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