Ambiguous | By : escapeasy Category: +. to F > Code Geass Views: 2300 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining/related to Code Geass and I’m not making any profit from this work. |
"I believe that whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you… stranger." –The Joker from The Dark Knight
•-•-3
Ambiguous
The Irony, It's Killing Me!
Suzaku is hard again.
Unlike this morning, however, Lelouch is able to appreciate the wonders of the male anatomy knowing that he is the cause, the reason, the catalyst for the growth on Suzaku's pelvis and is quite pleased with himself at how nicely he is shaping the situation. He's not so sure Suzaku is being as appreciative as he should be, but it's his loss for not knowing how to – or allowing himself to – enjoy a show of such wonder when it's presented to him as wondrously as this.
…Ahem.
Anyway, it is Lelouch's personal objective to prove just why Suzaku shouldn't take this effort for granted. He has already successfully streaked a blush across Suzaku's cheeks, though that scowl blistering from his eyes is really spoiling the mood and needs to go. So with the fiendish smirk that's all too friendly with Lelouch's lips, he drags his tongue up and down the dripping length at his fingertips. He relishes the grumpy gleam over Suzaku's eyes that, despite being miffed in that very un-sexy way, cannot look away as Lelouch sensuously licks with his curling tongue and kisses with his puckering lips. He noisily sucks a few spots around the midsection before sweeping up the shaft and gently prods his tongue at the tip, gazing at Suzaku with mischievous desire that finally sends green eyes away in a skittish flutter like a butterfly Lelouch frightened away. Lelouch chuckles very quietly in his throat and watches Suzaku squirm in place as he slinks his tongue around the skinny, red wonder from tip to base and up to the tip again; lapping up all the leaking juices melting down the sides and swallowing them before they can threaten the cleanliness of his fingers.
Lelouch pauses to smirk at Suzaku, catching the brief, chastising glower glanced his way by wide eyes but ignores it – as if Lelouch would concede to something so lame, or at all. He chooses to instead close his lips tightly around the top and suck animatedly again before loosening them only enough to allow the sweating length to slide through them, making sure to keep that eye-contact Suzaku supposedly wants to avoid. Try as the brunet might, though, there's just no escaping Lelouch's lewd loving just like there's no hiding the excitement thriving between Suzaku's legs that's becoming more and more appetizing. Lelouch couldn't have a better feast for his eyes as he circles his tongue around the top and makes another quick, hard suck—
CHOKE-HACK!
COUGH-COUGH-COUGH!
Lelouch's hand clasps to his neck as his seductive act shatters thanks to the few but demoralizing bundle of coughs that rip from his clogged throat. His eyes are wide and watery, but the blockage that shot to the back of his mouth melts down his esophagus, immediately pulling him from Death's fingertips yet leaving him somewhat surprised that he received not even an attempted rescue –never mind this all happens in a matter of seconds that barely lived.
"Are you alright?" he hears Suzaku ask drawly from his seat across the table.
"Big brother—!"
"I'm fine," Lelouch answers quickly but hoarsely, staring down at the unflattering splat of his decapitated ice-pop on the pavement between his shoes with his hand still clung around his neck.
—So Lelouch was able to relish all of Suzaku… from a distance. Lelouch can only look on for a moment, pallid-faced and dumbstruck – he certainly wasn't expecting that to happen, so he didn't prepare a back-up plan to save him from looking as un-sexy as Suzaku's glower.
He hears Suzaku scoff in a very snide snicker, still idly chewing the stick left behind from his own green – "Sour Apple" – popsicle.
"Brother?"
Lelouch sweeps his eyes over his blind sister seated between him and Suzaku after glimpsing Suzaku starring off "uninterestedly" in another direction to see that she is wearing a puzzled expression.
"Are you sure you're all right? What happened?" Nunnally continues to ask with blue lips from her "Blue Raspberry" ice-pop.
"Lelouch's popsicle broke," Suzaku mutters, giving Lelouch another brief leer – and not the sexy kind of leer.
It appears Lelouch's effort at being wondrous only got him a castrated dessert and his own sour apple.
Not one is more appetizing than the other.
"Broke? You mean you're still eating yours?"
"Ah…" Lelouch makes a nervy smile at her, feeling for the first time this evening that she might have seen his provocative show.
"No, he's too busy playing with it," Suzaku derides lightly and Lelouch cannot believe he'd even dare to suggest hinting about the sexual harassment Lelouch was intentionally engaging in.
Before Nunnally can even ask with her creased, little eyebrows—
"I was just trying to enjoy it – pardon me for taking my time rather than just inhaling it like a barbarian," he gibes plainly but in a haughty tone. "But it's melting too fast. I guess it's warmer out here than I thought."
Nunnally nods – still innocent from her brother's perverted scene.
Lelouch: one.
Suzaku: zero.
"You're right. I think it's actually a little warmer today than it was yesterday. I can't wait for the autumn breeze – I wish it would just get here already!"
"I'm sure that's not the only thing you can't wait for autumn to bring, right Nunnally?" Lelouch smiles softly, wiping away his frown as he cleans his mouth with a beige, cloth napkin after turning a blind eye to his "Cherry" flavored failure still bleeding on the ground.
Whatever, Lelouch doesn't care for sweets anyway…
"That's right!" Suzaku exclaims his realization, his popsicle stick getting dumped on the empty plate in front of him. "Your fifteenth birthday is next month – such a scary age, right Lelouch?" Suzaku adds slyly.
Nunnally giggles but Lelouch scowls.
"Not as scary as eighteen," she smiles. "Big brother's birthday is coming soon, too."
"Of course. Can't forget about the Ice Prince's wintery birthday," he laughs lightly, wagging his eyebrows at Lelouch.
"Quit talking like an idiot," Lelouch demands with a cross of his arms.
Suzaku ignores him, "It suits you, Lelouch. You're always so distant and frigid towards others, even with friends and acquaintances sometimes."
"Frigid?" Lelouch echoes objectionably over Nunnally's quiet giggle – perhaps trying to hide her amusement.
"So cold…" Suzaku smirks. "If Nunnally weren't here you'd probably have frozen over by now like some frosty Old Man Winter. But it's strange since you're a fire element aren't you? Though I guess that's where your temper comes in. But you're an A blood type, so maybe that explains it."
"If anyone knows how frosty and fiery I can be it'd certainly be you, wouldn't it Suzaku?" Lelouch smirks in return at the dabs of pink that resurface over Suzaku's cheeks at the understood implications of Lelouch's words. "And I'll have you know that I'm the 'aloof and reserved' type, not 'frigid.' That's just a misinterpretation on your part."
"Yes, of course. His Highness is always right. Pardon my insolence."
"As long as you understand… But you should know that my forgiveness comes at a steep price. I expect lots of groveling and begging and ego-stroking flattery, to start."
Suzaku is about to scoff another playful retort when the fountain of Nunnally's laughter becomes too lively to ignore, sending both violet and green eyes to her in perplexity.
"I'm so happy," Nunnally announces through her chuckles, feeling their empty gapes on her.
Lelouch and Suzaku just continue to look at her quizzically – did they miss something?
She sighs her laughter away and smiles for them, "The two of you seemed very angry with each other this morning. I'm glad that you've made up. The two of you shouldn't be fighting."
Lelouch and Suzaku exchange a look that speaks too many words and conveys too many emotions for a measly second to properly hold.
He sees Suzaku open his mouth but cuts him off, knowing that if either of them is going to defend with words it should be Lelouch, the more articulate of the two.
The irony of that is not missed by the undercover rebel.
"We weren't fighting; we were just at odds."
Suzaku gives him a funny look but Lelouch already knows that what he just said is lame – especially for him.
"Of course." Nunnally nods.
Lelouch is almost positive that Nunnally just appeased him for the sake of appeasing him.
Where and who the hell did she pick that up from?
"Nunnally, I think you're getting too mature for Lelouch to handle," Suzaku snickers.
Lelouch glares at him – Suzaku's idiocy must be having negative effects on his adored little sister due to too much exposure.
Stupid heathen.
"Well, it's getting late." Lelouch cradles Nunnally's hand, rubbing his thumb tenderly over the back. "You should wash up and get changed for bed. I'll be there to tuck you in… Sayoko, would you mind?"
At first glance, the woman could be easily mistaken for a tomato with hair. She has been seated across from Nunnally all this time, and thus witnessed every second of Lelouch's scandalous way of eating his icy – and coincidentally phallic – treat. But she nods politely and stands with a bow before hurriedly pulling the chair-bound girl from the patio and into the clubhouse.
Sayoko doesn't always dine with them, particularly when their little friend is around, but today the young masters had insisted that she didn't need to scuttle away when the boys finally came for dinner, late – they had looked strange when they had arrived but she didn't question it. Why Lelouch's lips were puffed and why Suzaku's face was a pink daze wasn't any of her business.
Sayoko is sure she knows their business now, if she hadn't before.
"I can't believe you," Suzaku chides quietly as they watch the maid's receding back. "In front of Nunnally is really pushing it for you, but at least she's blind. Sayoko had to pretend she was blind to your sleazy, little show."
Lelouch just looks at him smugly from the corner of his eye.
"You're terrible…" Suzaku shakes his head with a sigh and a tired smile, looking away from the empty doorway. "I hope you didn't pull any shenanigans like that on any of your past staff."
"May I remind you I was only ten years of age the last time I had anyone close to Sayoko?"
Suzaku lifts an eyebrow at him, so he smirks.
"And you weren't around then to embarrass, either."
"That's what I thought." Suzaku grins. "But I guess you've learned your lesson. I don't think I've ever seen anyone choke on an ice-pop before – and a broken one at that!"
It is Lelouch's own fault for not noticing how severely he had weakened the tip by sucking on it, but he's still oddly proud of himself for that fact…
…Ahem.
Lelouch dismisses the titters tumbling from Suzaku's lips with a half-shrug, "Don't say you didn't enjoy it."
Suzaku's laughter dies from the air as a confessional simper seals his lips.
Lelouch loves that simper.
"Let's just say that I think I'll need to sit here for a while…"
Lelouch doesn't hide the hum of satisfaction as he moves to sit a chair closer to Suzaku.
"Would you like some company?"
"As long as you don't touch me." Suzaku's suspicious eyes draw all over Lelouch as if to highlight his underlying intentions.
"I don't remember hearing you complain when we were on the roof."
Peels of apple-red adorn Suzaku's cheeks again as he bashfully casts his leafy eyes away to the courtyard in front of them – a courtyard that should probably worry Lelouch since this open area left the oral sex he just gave to his dessert vulnerable to any possible roaming eyes, but he isn't concerned. There have been no close passersby and any far away glances wouldn't have revealed much to distant Peeping Toms, unless of course they had some kind of tool to enhance their vision for distant viewing – but that's a needless road of debunked paranoia.
Lelouch knows they will be fine as long as he doesn't act in a more-than-friends way towards Suzaku – just to stay on the safe side.
"You'll never hear me complain," Suzaku murmurs almost to himself.
Lelouch nods, knowing Suzaku's statement is proven true by the past, and chooses to spare Suzaku anymore harassment – but only because he's been such a good sport this evening.
•-•
Lelouch emerges from Nunnally's room, feeling the success of nurturing her to sleep warming his spirit, just in time to see his lovable idiot treading through the hall towards, presumably, the bathroom, causing the already turning gears in his head to cycle faster.
Apparently Suzaku really did need to sit outside if he's just now getting in…
Lelouch smirks to himself.
Lelouch: two.
Suzaku: zero.
The silence that had joined them after Sayoko and Nunnally left was peaceful and quiet, but too quiet. It gave Lelouch time to think and that can lead to some tremendous travesties in his mind – being left alone with his thoughts is a cruel sentence for him, never having been the type to be able to stay idle for any period of time. It wasn't long before he was rummaging around to occupy himself by cleaning the sticky puddle he'd left on the ground to washing his hands a few times along with the dishes left on the patio table and then giving the kitchen a nice once-over to be sure it was as spotless as it had been before any cooking had transpired – not to imply Sayoko is inefficient or untidy, she is a maid, but it never hurts to double check. And then, of course, Lelouch had walked into his room to find that it deserved some critical attention as well.
The time spent (re)organizing his (already neat) desk was certainly time well spent.
Soon enough Nunnally was awaiting his presence in her bedroom for their daily bonding moment – incidentally not significant enough to get more than this mention – before he tucked her into bed.
"Suzaku."
Suzaku pulls his eyes up from the floor and smiles genially, "Lelouch."
"What are you up to?"
"Oh, I was just gonna shower and hit the sack. I'm pretty tired today…"
Lelouch could never really sway Suzaku into staying the night like he's often wanted to due to the marauding witch that was casting the spell of infinite-pizza-smell in his room, but since she's been eradicated from his domain it's been a frequent lodging for Suzaku despite his usual discomfort with friendly hospitality…and the strange odor that never quite leaves.
But sooner or later, because of all of this pregnancy business, Lelouch will have to unofficially evict Suzaku from his dorm room across campus – having already decided that his friend will no longer have any choice or say about where he hunkers down at night. Lelouch realizes there is the extreme likelihood that they could be caught "living together" by other students, namely the student council as the general student body is not exactly allowed to loiter aimlessly around or inside the clubhouse, but at that point the fact of the matter might already be obvious.
For now, with the weekend starting tomorrow, no one will really question Suzaku's occupancy around the Lamperouge siblings' makeshift home.
"Ah~" Lelouch says with raised eyebrows, hands in his pockets as they meet at the aforementioned room. "Would you like some more company?"
"But I thought you already showered this morning?"
"Suzaku…" Lelouch can't help but exhale before he grabs the boy's shoulders, "you're such an idiot." He pushes the boy into the bathroom, leading them both with a heated kiss.
•-•
An unnecessary scene change later finds the bathroom in a haze of steam.
Prestigious uniforms are in shambles on the floor, their empty folds outstretched towards their neglectful owners who are shrouded by the shower curtain that exposes only their combined silhouette. The light above the two boys is so luminous it sparkles in the army of hot-water rivulets cascading down their youthful skin and catches in the flecks of gold brushed over the ocher wall, glowing on the golden fixtures. The touches of their lips and fingertips cannot outrun the light as they skim and press their way over toned muscles and angular shapes—Except, perhaps, the willowy digits of a pearl hand that are sliding down with a sculpting smoothness as they sneak into the crevice between ample cheeks, feeling for the entrance of their hideaway.
The reaction garnered by pressing against the opening is one that carves a carnal smile in Lelouch's lips and makes him smother two of his fingertips over the small gap in pestering persistence to see more of this behavior unfold – like teasing an itch that wants to be scratched.
Suzaku's breath carries a little mewl that's feathery in the air but solid with desire when it lands in Lelouch's ears as his opening flexes in complaint against Lelouch's un-intrusive fingers. His body tenses with that unfulfilled anticipation as starchy muscles knot underneath his supple skin pebbled by the pour of water raining on their side, flooding over one of Lelouch's shoulders and down Suzaku's stomach. It constantly rinses their mingled fluids away, washing over the twitch Suzaku's throbbing erection makes in Lelouch's hand as he is touched, causing Lelouch to squeeze their uneven lengths gathered together. Lelouch revels in the way Suzaku shudders in their tangled embrace as he strokes and rubs them together with his hand, nudging with his longer hardness and leaning his weight more heavily between Suzaku's legs.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku breathes amorously while his entrance is swabbed by tormenting fingers, tightly threading a hand through moist black hair with his other clamped around Lelouch's upper arm.
That's right, Lelouch says inside his prideful head as he starts to bite low on Suzaku's neck, claiming him, say my name.
Lelouch gropes their excitement, massaging and rubbing their testicles together in a firm grip that sails another enchantingly drafty moan from Suzaku's mouth and spurs a bump of his hips to insist fingers enter, before Lelouch finally indulges him. It pleases the Britannian how cleanly and rigidly Suzaku's back arcs away from the wall and how keenly his legs try to spread farther apart when he is slowly intruded by a gentle forefinger. Lelouch is so enthralled with Suzaku's response that he doesn't fiddle around with wasting more time on teasing, rather breaching Suzaku's occupied entry with his middle finger right away. Seems Suzaku wasn't expecting another guest so soon as his hips quirk and his throat whimpers slightly, but both are quickly thrown away by a louder, desirous moan extending from Suzaku's aroused appetite.
"Mmm… louch…"
It isn't long before Suzaku's arms coil around Lelouch's neck, belted as if the strong hold will keep him from launching up through the ceiling as Lelouch's fingers slide in and out of him, casually fondling his squirming insides and his sensitive prostate. He carefully plunge his fingers up into Suzaku's contracting body, the memory of how unbearably tight and hot these muscles clenching around his fingers are searing his erection in painful pulses. Lelouch slinks his hand up their stony shafts to grasp their profusely leaking caps and messily smear the pad of his thumb over them as he watches Suzaku's face practically melt off his skull. Japanese eyes are shutdown in bliss, his skin is sponged a pining red, and his mouth is parted to let controlled sounds of pleasure trickle past his lips. They step louder the more his body writhes in the building enthusiasm of Lelouch's attentive hands – his own zeal feeling inspired by Suzaku's uninhibited reactions. The brunet's legs are open, leaving him so vulnerably exposed that it has Lelouch's fingers increasing to a starved, thrusting pace in order to feed the twinging lurch his erection makes at the thought of being buried in that same hot grip.
It would be exceedingly enjoyable to sheath himself inside Suzaku, undoubtedly, but it's not as though a little sword-fighting once in a while will kill Lelouch – this is the only type of recreational sword-play he enjoys, after all. They both want it, Lelouch knows this, but as the situation stands… Suzaku isn't comfortable with the idea and Lelouch will respect that. Entering his little seahorse is a pleasurable privilege, after all, not a right. It's not as though doing this in the shower is always easy, either. There are still other things they can do…
(Not that just a good, senseless fu—fornication is terrible, but Lelouch actually rather likes the sentiment of being "exclusive lovers."
Like they only belong to each other and no one else.)
That's why Suzaku's thighs are becoming inexorably inviting to Lelouch with that coating of wet heat thanks to not only the shower, their smooth surface despite the fine wires of copper hair prickling from his skin, and their powerful muscles laced tight underneath like a lean cheetah…
A very sexy, lean cheetah.
It invokes something in Lelouch and has him speaking a sequence of words he never thought he would hear himself say:
"Suzaku, turn around and close you legs." It is a murmur of an order, lustful under Lelouch's panting, but it has Suzaku looking at him bemusedly all the same.
"…What?" Suzaku breathes.
Lelouch flicks his tongue over the tip of Suzaku's nose and pulls a little on flexing insides – an unavoidable, throaty groan whining over clenching muscles – as he removes himself completely from needy body in front of him.
"Just do it," Lelouch murmurs, lightly sweeping his lips over Suzaku's agape mouth as he rests his left hand on Suzaku's leg to usher it closed.
Suzaku is panting and quizzical but compliant as usual, bracing himself against the wall with his forearms.
And Lelouch pets the marred splotch on Suzaku's side where a bullet nearly ended him – something not unnoticed by Suzaku.
Then Lelouch slides his sturdy erection between Suzaku's thighs, being sure to brush it against Suzaku's sac as he slips underneath until his hips tantalizingly meet heated, wet flesh. Suzaku's thighs feel just the way they looked as they awkwardly close on Lelouch; soft, slick, firm, and they compress tightly enough with those brawny muscles on Lelouch's straining flesh to make him groan lightly through his nose. He grips Suzaku's hips, somehow signaling the soldier to looks over his shoulder and their mouths connect in a passionate mesh of slippery lips and tongues before Lelouch starts to experimentally move.
Quickly finding it too enjoyable to moderate himself.
Suzaku appears to like it as well – or maybe that's because of the aggressive thrusting of Lelouch's fingers that reenter with potent strikes to his prostate… Either way, Suzaku's body is spastic and he's trying to hide his sounds in his arms, so that can only mean good things.
Though Lelouch is loath to admit… this easier than their usual union. But it's not as though Lelouch has failed or is fearful of failing to pleasure Suzaku, but he isn't blind to reality. Physically speaking, Suzaku is practically God whereas Lelouch barely qualifies to be amongst the living.
Lelouch doesn't know if he wants to damn or thank the being that created Suzaku's wonderful body…
He grabs Suzaku's erection again with his other hand as his hips heave to-and-fro, stroking Suzaku's blood-bulging flesh as he plows his fingers over Suzaku's prostate in the ungodly pace of his thrusting pelvis. Despite how crude it all sounds Suzaku is a veritable frame of tense gelatin that quivers excitedly as he is pleasured by hands that know the weaknesses of his mold all too well. The fingers rubbing over the tip of his length and the spot in his passage are too unforgiving in their loving that he feels dizzy in the clouding scent of their musk that's caught in the steam and stealing their oxygen. Suzaku is breathless and gasping as he holds remains steadfastly supported against the slick shower wall, and it makes Lelouch unbelievably complacent. He begins to thrust faster between Suzaku's velvety steel thighs as the boy's hips roll on the fingers plundering his closing walls in time with the hand pumping his glistening length.
It all ends a lot more quickly than Lelouch expects – surprise, surprise – but the burst that drains the life out of him is still too intoxicating for him to feel anything but bliss...
Lelouch groans mindlessly as he sags against Suzaku, pressing him against the wall like when they had started.
"…I don't think…I can stand up…any longer…" Suzaku pants.
"…Me neither." Lelouch puffs.
As if those were magical words of admittance, they slide down the wall in a tired heap on their knees, and they pant to their lungs' content.
"This is why I said…we should have taken…a bath…instead of a shower…"
Agitation wrinkles Lelouch's brow, "I thought you said…I would never…hear you…complain… And I already…told you…that baths…are not sanitary," the royal grouses, sluggishly turning the showerhead off to clean themselves – and the wall – of any residue before plugging the drain with the chain stopper so they can relax in clean bath water together.
Suzaku just huffs before moving away from Lelouch and into the tub.
Eventually, once the water has risen to an agreeably level well above their navels, Suzaku shuts the water off and they rest long-ways in the fairly spacious tub, the limp weight of Lelouch's body cozy between his legs as he lies against Suzaku as if he were a pillow.
Lelouch has been relatively unresponsive.
"Hey," Suzaku addresses with a tug on Lelouch's hair, "don't go falling asleep in the bath. I don't want you drowning on me now."
So some time before now would've been acceptable?
Lelouch bats at Suzaku's hand with a mild scowl, "I'm not so exhausted that I'd perish right now."
"Yeah. Need I remind you of a certain macaroni mishap?"
"There's no need for that."
It's not an interesting story, really.
So let's not bring it up again.
"Can't I just sit here with you and relax in peace?" Lelouch questions a bit tartly.
Suzaku sighs to himself, reclining against the bathtub and rests his hand back on top of Lelouch's head. Lelouch lets his body lie boneless against Suzaku with his fingers sifting through the drying threads of his hair in soft, absent strokes in the serenity of the still bathroom. The water is quiet as it ripples from their steady heartbeats and calm breaths of which Lelouch feels pushing his head when Suzaku's chest inflates and deflates in silent relaxation. Lelouch closes his eyes, absorbing the sheer tranquility of the moment and Suzaku's living, breathing body that's supporting him, letting all his stress and worries decompose from his mind.
He drifts to a soothing, mellow place where there are no impending troubles of war or parenthood that grow more threatening with each breath he takes and every second that passes by. There is no outside world that can seep into this bathroom that's just a bathroom and nothing more as they sit in a bathtub that's just a bathtub. All that exists is the two of them, in the present with no history or future nipping at their heels and toes. He's just Lelouch – not former prince "Lelouch vi Britannia" with a dead mother or the unfulfilling alias "Lelouch Lamperouge" – and Suzaku is just Suzaku – not the pilot of Lancelot or Euphemia's Knight, and most certainly not pregnant.
It's a hard lie to lose himself in when his brain is his own worst enemy, but even if it's true for a second Lelouch knows he's managed to save a part of himself from being squashed underneath all the pressure trying to break him…
Suzaku's twiddling with Lelouch's hair pauses, "…You know I had a meeting with Princess Euphemia today."
Lelouch hums noncommittally – somehow he doesn't like where this is going. He feels Suzaku's voice prying open this insignificant bathroom-world by the seams, allowing all the things Lelouch wanted to escape from to come pouring in slowly through its broken walls.
Suzaku just can't respect the after-glow peace.
Suzaku takes in a quick breath, "Well, I stepped down, I mean, I've renounced my Knighthood. I'm no longer her knight. There'll probably be talk about it on the news, but I thought—"
Lelouch lurches off of Suzaku with water storming up around him in a wet clatter to gape at the suddenly former knight in shock and disconcertment.
He swears Suzaku is the only person ever able to catch him off-guard.
"You what?"
Suzaku's eyes are pulled down by a sullen weight and his fingers find each other underneath the water.
"I thought you'd be happy to hear this."
Lelouch blinks.
Then blinks again.
"Suzaku…" Well, perhaps that's true – Lelouch can't lie and say he isn't, but at the expense of what will Lelouch's happiness come? "I'm surprised. I thought this was important to you. You didn't do this for me, did you?" Lelouch quickly reconsiders, "No, for the baby."
"That wasn't the only reason I did it. It's something I've been thinking about lately, before I knew about this, but I guess you could say that it was a deciding factor."
Lelouch frowns slightly, resting his hand on Suzaku's knee, "Are you sure that's what you wanted?"
Lelouch should be thrilled, but he knows these "reasons" probably stem from some misplaced self-deprecation.
Or maybe something more impure.
"Yes. But like I said, there were a lot of reasons."
Lelouch nods more to himself, seeing the walls close up in Suzaku's eyes around the things he doesn't want shared – not at this moment. He rubs his hand over Suzaku's damp hair and pulls that brown head close to kiss the small, anxious knot in the (ten-year-old) boy's brow away as he slips from between Suzaku's legs to his side.
"So that's what had you so restless this morning?"
"NO!" Suzaku yells in a panic-stricken shriek, vaulting away from Lelouch, apparently taking his turn to anger the bath water as it spikes violently around them.
Lelouch stares at him, utterly bewildered, until he watches Suzaku's face practically erupt into flames, sparks of defensive nerves and shock flickering in his wide eyes.
That's when Lelouch realizes what he just implied…
Suzaku + erection = …thoughts of Euphemia?
Lelouch's mouth shoots open with a start, Suzaku's flush melting his own cheeks as he reaches for the boy as if that will pull him from the demented images of Euphemia on top of Suzaku—
That's right, Euphemia on top of Suzaku.
—with her pink hair jostling in the air like windswept streamers around their sweaty bodies stained pink by arousal while their pink lips outline their loud moans as their pink parts—
"It isn't like that – I swear!" Suzaku looks like he's just been slapped in the face with the tortuous pictures in Lelouch's head as his face burns brighter, his hands waving and head shaking in the negative to Lelouch's unintentional implication.
"That isn't what I meant!" Lelouch shouts as he shakes Suzaku, mentally pleading for this horrible, horrible scene to end.
They stare at each other as the water dies down from their frantic movements that tried to erase something that can never be undone, gaping wordlessly at the seconds of this scene stringing between them on the coattails of an arrogant elephant sauntering out of the room. Their faces are still brushed the colour of a certain Third Princess's hair – maybe the Second Princess's now, actually – and their eyes are still wide, their hands still grasping each other. Lelouch tightens his grip on Suzaku's shoulders, causing Suzaku's hands to do the same around his elbows, and leans his forehead against Suzaku's with an exasperated sigh – choosing to be the one who closes the door behind that obnoxious elephant.
"What I meant was…" Lelouch restarts, a little strained. "That's why you were so anxious this morning?"
He's not really sure if he likes his choice of rephrasing.
"…Yeah." Suzaku plays along, letting Lelouch recoil into the tub's wall like before – before the appearance of a manic Euphemia riding an arcing Suzaku—
No! Bad brain.
Bad, dirty brain!
"As long as you think you made the right choice," he tries to soothe, winding his arm around Suzaku's shoulders when the boy slides in next to him. "But you're still Lancelot's pilot, right?"
"Yes, that doesn't change…" Suzaku leans into Lelouch's halfway embrace.
"You know, Suzaku, that should change. Do you think you can continue fighting—?"
"I know," Suzaku interrupts. "I just…"
"No, I don't think you understand." Since Lelouch had been handed this opportunity it has been resting in his palms like an apple waiting to be bitten at the right moment – and while Lelouch is sure there are better moments to pick from that aren't potentially debilitating to his friend, there's nothing like playing the guilt card on Suzaku to make him bend; and it's not as though any of this is untruthful or insincere. Moreover, it's not like Lelouch is above using this to his advantage. After all, he had done something similar as Zero just before they were blown practically to Hell by Schneizel. "The risks you gamble with are bad enough for you alone. You were irate with me when I only suggested you consider getting an abortion, but then you're going to march onto the battlefield as if that's a free pass?"
"I know," Suzaku repeats, clearly unhappy. "I told you I'd do what was necessary; it's just going to take a little time so please be patient. Not everything happens all at once, Lelouch."
You wouldn't know it by looking…
"I am patient. But it's hard to practice such a virtue in hostile times."
"It wouldn't be nearly as hostile if Zero and his Black Knights weren't around," Suzaku grumbles.
Lelouch feels his chest burn and his jaw clench – not so much because of Suzaku's ill-concealed dislike of Lelouch's own force, but because what he's saying is (only) partly true. But what does that mean? Should Lelouch give it all up just so Suzaku can pursue his foolish ideals, even if Suzaku could continue with a bloated belly? Why does Lelouch have to quit?
No, Lelouch doesn't quit. He solves the puzzle and moves forward.
This case will be no different.
"I'm sure the same could be said the other way around."
If there was no Britannia, at least on Japanese soil, there would be a pleasant veil of peace, and they both know it.
Suzaku doesn't respond right away but his body tenses and the isolated aurora that Lelouch was previously trying to believe was real is very suddenly the opposite – never mind the whole Euphemia thing that practically killed his mind and possibly his soul – as the comforting water begins to turn cold.
"…Anyway, I still have to talk to Lloyd. I'm just not sure how to handle him. I have a feeling he might try to convince me none of this is real just so I'll continue to complete his beloved Lancelot."
"Just be firm with him," Lelouch advises. "Use all that stubbornness of yours and stand your grand. I'm quite positive you're capable of doing that."
More positive than Suzaku will ever know.
Suzaku smiles faintly, a wry and sheepish curve of his lips.
"Just remember, Suzaku, sometimes it's acceptable to be selfish. Don't let your compassion or guilt get in the way."
"Alright I'll try to remember that," Suzaku mumbles dryly.
"Do or do not. There is no try."
Suzaku rolls his eyes.
"I'm serious." Lelouch defends with a soft smile, raking his hands up through the frizzy, damp curls of Suzaku's hair.
"I know you are. That's why I rolled my eyes."
Lelouch only replies with a flat hum and a possessive kiss that's far from fleeting, stealing Suzaku's lips as he holds his brunet in place in the cage of his steely fingers. Suzaku is an accommodating and willing receiver as always, opening his mouth and unfurling his tongue like a red carpet to welcome Lelouch's serpentine intrusion.
A pleasant noise seeps out of Suzaku's throat at this sudden ravishment as they sink deeper in their motions and it spurs Lelouch's carnal appetite, but Lelouch doesn't want to be pulled under again just yet. He pulls back before he's in over his head with obstinate lust, scraping his teeth over a bottom lip just the way Suzaku likes.
"How about tomorrow we have a nice day out, a little date to relieve our stress and just enjoy ourselves? Just you, me,"—Lelouch caresses Suzaku's abdomen—"and the small fry here. We haven't done anything alone and outside of school together in a while. How does that sound to you?"
Technically, they've never had a proper date. With all their time consumed by school and after school activities there hasn't been much spare time for them, and even when they are together it's always in the privacy of Lelouch's bedroom or on the roof (except there was that one time in the Student Council room…) and they're usually doing some form of the nasty…
"That sounds like a plan. But," Suzaku gives him a silly grin, "'small fry'?"
"Yeah, you know, fry: a baby fish – or a baby seahorse, in this case."
Suzaku is still grinning at Lelouch like he's being ridiculous – as if Suzaku is one to judge – but his hand drapes over the one still resting on his flat stomach nonetheless.
"I hope you don't plan on choosing that for a name."
Lelouch's eyebrows lifts a little with intrigue, "I wasn't considering it." Of course he hasn't even thought about considering names yet, either. "But now I think I might."
"Don't."
"You can't tell me what to do. If I want the name Fry, I'll choose it."
"Over my dead body will my child's name be 'Fry,'" Suzaku quips breezily.
Lelouch makes a tiny, wry smile wishing Suzaku had picked a better dramatic expression for his case; leaning over Suzaku to kiss those lips again, softer and more tenderly than before. Suzaku squeezes Lelouch's hand as he returns the gesture, a light sigh passing through his nose.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku murmurs between their lips and when Lelouch withdraws Suzaku gives him a small smile touched by shyness, "Thank you."
Lelouch doesn't voice a response. He just resumes kissing Suzaku with firmer lips.
•-
-•
Suzaku huffs when another book is mounted atop the climbing column in his arms. He gives Lelouch a nasty eye but those trained plums are already busy searching the shelves for more material. He sighs heavily as he watches Lelouch's attention wander over book spines, attempting to gently juggle the weight of knowledge in his hands. When his not-so-subtle exhale of distress is ignored, he groans.
"Come on~ Lelouch. Don't you think this is enough? I can barely see where I'm going!"
"Don't be so dramatic."
"Look who's talking," Suzaku mutters. "I don't think we really need a mountain of books – and why am I carrying all of them? I thought I wasn't supposed to be doing anything 'strenuous,' remember?"
"You're not helpless," Lelouch glances at him briefly, "and you do need to keep your strength."
Suzaku scoffs.
"Besides, I didn't think carrying a few books constituted as something strenuous for you, but if you can't handle it…" Lelouch trails with a sly grin, reaching for yet another book.
"That's not the point!" Suzaku blurts, immediately getting several shushes shot his way.
Lelouch chuckles quietly as he thumbs through a bright yellow book.
"You're terrible." Suzaku furrows his brow at the very unwanted attention. "And I thought this was supposed to be a 'nice day out,' but we've been in this bookstore since we got here hours ago."
"Terrible would be abandoning you to take care of this on your own instead of sticking with you and doing this together. There's no such thing as being over-prepared," he bites tonelessly not bothering to look at the pained expression that flitters across Suzaku's face.
Lelouch knows Suzaku was only being facetious and that he didn't need to snap at him, but he isn't about to take such a remark even in a jest. Aside from that, Suzaku's complaining, though rare, is like listening to a child wine and while Lelouch believes pregnancy hormones – or lack thereof – aren't enough to throw Suzaku off his typical emotional imbalance, Suzaku might let his mind rule over matter. Simply put, Suzaku will become a real pain in the neck if Lelouch gives him too much freedom.
Or at least that's what Lelouch thinks.
He's probably still a little grouchy about yesterday morning, too – it's not as though Lelouch is one to forgive easily.
Sayoko saw him in his underwear for crying out loud!
"Can't we at least sit down for a while? My arms are getting tired," Suzaku pleads whilst bumbling with the books in his hold.
Says Mr. Stamina.
"I suppose." Lelouch turns to him and displays the book in his hands like a showcase model, "I did find you the perfect book, after all."
Lelouch watches a glower fall over Suzaku's face when his eyes translate the title in his brain, smiling at his seahorse when that plain stare is aimed at him.
"Pregnancy for Dummies. You think you're real funny, don't you?"
Lelouch shrugs with a tightening smile: yes, yes I do.
"It's actually a very practical book that even us non-dummies can appreciate." Lelouch gestures for Suzaku to follow him as he walks down the aisle. "Come. I think it's time for some refreshments."
He's certain Suzaku rolls his eyes once his back is turned, but he smiles to himself anyway as he weaves through the aisles to the connected café nook at the far end of the store.
"I don't want anything. I'll just—"
"I didn't ask you if you wanted anything," Lelouch interjects coolly. "I know you need something. So if you'd like to make a request I suggest you make it now." Lelouch stops and turns towards Suzaku as they stand amidst the pepper of mahogany chairs and tables on the café's tiled floor, the service counter just ahead of them.
Suzaku stares at Lelouch for a moment, his eyes slightly unfocused as if he's determining in his head how much he can really fight Lelouch on this – or if he really should.
He can't and shouldn't, obviously.
"Whatever you think is best, I don't care." Suzaku concedes with a little shrug and a cast off of his eyes.
Lelouch smiles broadly, "Good answer." – No, correct answer. "Go find a table and relax while I buy some sustenance," Lelouch says with a dry air, walking towards the counter – already having decided exactly what he'll order.
He knows Suzaku either rolls his eyes or shakes his head behind his back again, but that is the intended reaction.
Lelouch stands in the short line consisting of two bodies, watching Suzaku shuffle over to a table right next to the elongated window and gently sets the stack of books down – reminding Lelouch that he's still holding the same one. Suzaku takes a seat, the chairs arranged to be parallel with the window, and appears to almost shrink into his long, steel blue coat as he sits alone – separated from the other few, Britannian, customers on the other end of the café like a deserted island – and gazes through the glass at the main hall of this shopping mall.
The sight sews a thin frown into Lelouch's lips and he looks away to browse through the book while he waits for his turn to order.
Lelouch knows Suzaku's unease isn't just from the confusing – very, very, very confusing – phenomenon taking place inside his body, but also from his surroundings. He's in a Britannian mall with a Britannian friend – though not if anyone should ask – and he's surrounded by Britannians and their Britannian culture in a place that was once Japanese in every way. Suzaku may not be bothered so much by the fact that he, an Honorary Britannian, is submerged in the purest of the pure but by the fact that he doesn't belong simply because it's not "his place" to be here. Whether or not this is because Suzaku truly believes he isn't their equal or because they truly believe he is not their equal… sometimes it's hard to discern.
Lelouch hates that.
This attitude of Suzaku's, whichever it may be, will have to change if they're to raise a child together in this crooked world. Not as a Britannian and a Japanese, but as two human beings. If anything, the fact that they're both male might distract from their difference in race anyway – especially if anyone were to learn that no woman was needed for their pregnancy.
…Lord, Lelouch really needs to get to the bottom of this.
If only Suzaku's bottom wasn't more tempting…
"Milk – sweetened with honey – for you," Lelouch places the clear, plastic cup down on the table in front of Suzaku and then a small, paper plate beside it, "along with a fiber-rich, bran muffin."
Suzaku looks down at the two items with faint surprise, reflecting that same expression onto Lelouch – more importantly, his hands – as the older gent seats himself on the other side of the table.
"You didn't get anything?"
"I don't want anything."
Suzaku eyes his snack with mild distaste, "So I have to eat but you don't? And why do I have milk sweetened with honey?"
"Because you should avoid caffeine whenever possible and you need lots of calcium. This being a café, it's either cups of caffeine or milk – I didn't think you'd appreciate plain milk so I had it sweetened with honey." Lelouch says plainly.
Suzaku looks back down at the milk and muffin, something like amazed annoyance glimmering in his eyes – of course probably having noticed that Lelouch didn't bother to answer his first question – at how Lelouch is already using some of the knowledge he has absorbed today.
"So, I saw something in here about pregnancy myths…" Lelouch starts casually, carefully flipping the pages of the book still in his hands. "I think that would be a more familiar and entertaining place to start."
If Lelouch needs anything right now it's definitely familiarity and practicality, never mind everything else.
"Fine by me," Suzaku chimes in amiably, sipping his honey milk through the straw. "Are you going to read them to me, daddy~?"
Lelouch can feel his eye twitch.
If Suzaku is uncomfortable about anything now he's good at hiding it.
Or maybe he's forgotten his discomfort already.
"Don't do that."
"But that's what you are."
"I know that and you know that, there's no need to say it out loud."
"Why Lelouch," Suzaku starts in an obvious tease with crumbs from the muffin littering his lips, "if I didn't know any better I'd say you're embarrassed of being a parent."
Embarrassed? That's preposterous.
Lelouch doesn't get embarrassed.
That's a fact.
"Let's see…" Lelouch ignores Suzaku, skimming for something interesting—"Oh… Suzaku you're wrong."
"Wrong about what? Your—" Suzaku starts cattily.
"About having sex during pregnancy."
That shut him up.
"It says here," Lelouch continues, "that as long as the pregnancy is 'normal' or 'low risk' for complications like miscarriage or pre-term labor, it's possible to have sex up until birth. In other words, it won't induce labor or harm the baby – given that parents are careful, of course."
"What's a low risk pregnancy?"
"Generally a healthy one…" Lelouch answers as he scans for more information. "We'd really have to consult a doctor to learn if ours is 'normal' enough for sex. But I think it might be too risky to tempt, though. Even if we can doesn't necessarily mean we'll want to. It all just depends…"
Suzaku visibly deflates a little but still peers at the book in natural curiosity.
"What does it say there?" he asks, pointing to a special note about one certain act.
Lelouch quickly reads the text following Suzaku's finger, "Hm…"
"What?"
"Apparently, when giving you oral sex I need to be sure that I don't blow any air into your vagina."
Suzaku's face: BL—–-USH!
"I'll have to remember that," Lelouch notes casually, starting to fold the corner of the page down for show.
"You don't have to remember that!" Suzaku's red face protests, once again getting shushed for his outcry. Suzaku scowls at the other patrons like a pouting child and Lelouch laughs quietly.
"All right, all right. I won't mark it." Lelouch smoothes the paper. "I don't need to anyway; I've already saved the information in my archive."
"You're not funny."
Lelouch shrugs, "Depends on your point of view."
"I don't know, Lelouch. Your ego is so big that it blocks my view."
Lelouch's eyebrows raise and he looks at Suzaku.
Then he smiles.
"Well, now, I'm too proud of you for making that remark that I can't feel insulted."
Suzaku offhandedly tosses his eyes away from Lelouch as he takes another large bite of the muffin.
Lelouch: three.
Suzaku: zero.
Lelouch is smirking when he notices a conspicuous mop of blond hair accompanied by blue and orange trying to obscure themselves behind the green foliage of a topiary in the median of the main hall.
He has to resist the urge to roll his eyes – it's almost like they're trying to get caught.
"Don't look now but the Spy Council is watching us," Lelouch murmurs to Suzaku, carefully moving his eyes away from the crowd outside the shop.
Suzaku's eyes pull back to him, "Who?"
"Milly and her two faithful followers are outside, hiding behind that bush."
"Really?" Suzaku looks skeptical – the fool.
"Really. They must have been watching us the whole time…" he tiredly flips through the book to make himself look busy and unsuspecting – if this wasn't important, he might not ignore them so easily.
"Why would they do that?"
"Because Milly isn't satisfied just living her own life," Lelouch answers with slight scorn dragging his voice. "And she seems to have it out for me. I'm not sure why."
Suzaku's stare falls into the cup of milk nestled inside the curve of his thumb, watching the liquid swirl as he moves it in tight circles.
"Would it really be so bad?" Suzaku asks quietly.
"Would what be so bad?"
"If they knew about us."
Lelouch flicks his eyes up to Suzaku's but they are still diving to the bottom of the whirlpool in his cup.
"I'm…" green eyes slowly ascend to meet violet. "This condition that I'm in, you know, I won't be able to hide it forever."
"That's true," Lelouch starts cautiously. "But I don't want to jump the gun and I don't mean to bring you down when I say this, but, we're not sure how everything will pan out yet. We don't know if there won't be any complications that might force our fry to…"—Suzaku's eyes start to look heavy and it weighs on Lelouch's voice—"not become a seahorse. We should definitely wait until we have our situation handled before we let it loose," he finishes as delicately as he can.
Suzaku just nods and looks down at his drink again.
Lelouch wants to expel this dreadful weight in his chest with a deep sigh but he feels like it might have a negative effect on Suzaku so he refrains, instead looking down at the book that's currently informing him about "nesting."
"So you don't want them knowing unless it's absolutely necessary?"
Their eyes lock together again.
Lelouch is aware of what Suzaku is implying: fear, shame, frustration, hatred, and resentment towards those who deny them and their union. Their easy, student façade of a life would come crashing down in an instant.
"It's not that…" Lelouch leans back in his seat, his repressed sigh leaking thinly through his nose. "I value my privacy, Suzaku. You know that."
But to honestly answer your question: yes.
In Lelouch's experience, it's usually safer to hide behind secrets.
But with a safety like that, typically comes unbridled stress.
"You don't think we can trust them?" Suzaku candidly bites his muffin.
"Milly is included in the 'them,' right?"
Suzaku chidingly tilts his head, "Lelouch."
"Don't 'Lelouch' me; you know exactly what I'm talking about. Do you have any idea how we'll be treated if our secret get's out? And I'm not talking about prejudice or racism, but the sheer glee Miss Presidential Pain will get from harassing me – who already loves to harass me, if I need to remind you. I would hope that she'd realize the sensitivity of our relationship in this environment to not make the news as public as possible, but even amongst the Student Council we're not safe. We'll never be left alone and there will be numerous jokes at our expense, among many other terrible things I'm sure. So thanks, but no thanks. I'm completely comfortable with her knowing absolutely nothing."
"Alright, I get it!" Suzaku smiles at Lelouch's rant and it drains some of the pressure clotting Lelouch's chest.
"Good, then it's agreed – after all, my Highness is always right, isn't it?"
Suzaku laughs a little and sips his drink again, "So… we shouldn't tell anyone, anything?"
"Well, of everyone, I think we can trust Arthur the most. You can tell him all about if you so desire."
Suzaku's lips curl at that, "I think I do so desire, but I can't speak on Arthur's behalf."
Lelouch's shoulders shimmy with noiseless chuckles—
"What about Nunnally?"
—and they quickly cease. His eyes draw sharp lines over Suzaku's face, but he's not sure if it's for intimidation or disapproval.
Either way, Suzaku is ostensibly unsettled by it.
"What about her?"—that didn't exactly carry an inquisitive inflection; rather, it bared threatening fangs.
Suzaku's eyes are firm, "You know what I'm talking about. I've told you how I feel about it more than once."
"…"
"What, are you ignoring me?"
"No."
"Then what?"
Lelouch sighs, his eyes landing on the book once more, "I don't think it's an issue…"
"You don't?" Suzaku's voice is bland. "Don't you think she deserves to know?"
"Looks to me like she's already caught wind of us."
Suzaku's hand fists on the table, "That isn't the point."
Why is it always "the point" with you? Lelouch internally grumbles, resting his head in the claw of his hand, eyes far from meeting Suzaku's.
"Do you want to tell her now because of small fry or because you think she just deserves to know?"
"…Both."
"Hm."
"Lelouch… I know you take great care in keeping her bubble world intact and flawless, but this isn't really a threat to her innocence, is it?"
"I never said it was."
"Then why is it so important that she not know?"
"It isn't that it's important for her to remain unaware, it's just…" Lelouch's mouth stays open, but the words on the tip of his tongue are suddenly struck with stage-fright. He looks at Suzaku, a careful observance to give those words courage, but instead they only lose more of it.
The answer is really rather simple: Nunnally is and always has been his entire world, and in a sense she always will be – but therein lies the problem – "in a sense." It's a twisted, jealous insecurity that prevents him from coming clean, professing his love for Suzaku to Nunnally, because she is supposed to be the only receiver of his affections. There was never supposed to be another. Sure, she's likely to be very happy and supportive for them, as accepting as the angel she is, but that means a portion of his heart has essentially been dissected from her "bubble world," as Suzaku had called it.
To be precise, it would feel like Lelouch is failing her in some way, even if that is an irrational, illogical notion.
And Lelouch cannot accept failure.
"Just what?" Suzaku asks, calling an end to Lelouch's pause.
"I'll think about it," is all he offers in response.
Suzaku conducts his own survey of Lelouch as said boy returns to leafing through his trusty, new handbook, ignoring Suzaku's study as he studies himself.
"Right," Suzaku deadpans.
Apparently Suzaku discovered he's reached the end of this discussion and knows better than to pursue an alternate route around Lelouch's stubbornness.
"It really wouldn't kill you to open up a little more to me, would it?"
Or maybe Lelouch gives Suzaku too much credit.
"I think it might, yes," Lelouch answers simply, angling the book closer to his face – huh, he did notice in the shower last night that Suzaku's nipples looked darker than usual…
"Ice Prince," Suzaku spurns under his breath before sucking the straw in his cup again.
Lelouch's eyebrow lifts.
Was that a challenge he just heard?
He glances at Suzaku and decides that, yes, it was a challenge.
"Say what you will Suzaku, but you know – regardless that we really shouldn't be in this position – we wouldn't be in this position because I would have worn a condom if you hadn't said you like the way it feels when I cu—"
Suzaku scrambles to cover Lelouch's mouth like the following words will destroy the world with his cheeks rusting a delightful planetary red.
"Sh-Shut up!" he stutters, glancing around to make sure no distant ears were tainted by Lelouch's incomplete statement; which is hard to discern with all the befuddled, curious stares trying to assess Suzaku's sudden burst of action. "…And what are you trying to say? That this is my fault?" he asks quietly, still noticeably uncomfortable and wary as he seats himself.
"Well~."
"Oh, come on!" Suzaku indignantly objects in a hoarse whisper. "You can't be serious!"
Lelouch smiles.
"I'm just kidding. Of course this is as much my responsibility as it is yours." He mollifies, smiling charmingly at Suzaku who releases a breath and visibly relaxes back into his chair. "I'm just saying…"
"Lelouch!" Suzaku squawks again, bristling like a cat that's had its tail stepped on, and Lelouch laughs.
"Don't be so sensitive, it's just a joke."
No it isn't.
This is Suzaku's fault.
Suzaku gives him a firm lower-lip, "I don't think this is something you should joke about Lelouch – Mister-I'm-So-Serious-All-The-Time. You really pick bad moments to be funny."
"Oh, I apologize. I didn't realize I was talking to a professional comedian who knows everything about comedy and when the appropriate time to deliver a joke would be." Lelouch's rebuttal is so dry it puts salt to shame.
And it wasn't a bad moment for humor in Lelouch's opinion; it was supposed to lighten the mood and offer a distraction like proper comic relief should.
His joke did both, so:
Lelouch: four.
Suzaku: zero.
Suzaku sighs, unwilling to play this game of sarcasm, and looks elsewhere—
That's when the disquieting alert of an incoming call steals Suzaku away…
•-•
Sadly, their nice day out doesn't continue as planned because the outside world always interferes – though this time Kyushu can take the blame rather than Zero…
Of course Lelouch knew this matter would impede on their private matters because it is a part of Zero's matters, but Suzaku doesn't know that Lelouch and Zero are the same so he doesn't know that Lelouch knows Zero's matters or that those certain matters will interfere with their matters… or something along those lines. If nothing else, the act of committing to plans with Suzaku should testify for Lelouch's innocence regardless of whatever other matters choose to do. Lelouch can't say he suspects that anyone is suspicious of him, per se, but there's no such thing as being too cautious or prepared.
Contrarily, he'd rather not think about Zero's role in Suzaku's pregnancy and vice versa, but he knows he'd better formulate something and fast. Right now Suzaku has not only the little fry growing inside him but Lloyd Asplund and the Lancelot to worry about – thanks to Zero and his Black Knights, ironically enough – to spare a thought about Lelouch's meandering outside of school. Lelouch can keep up the gambling act with words but he knows that eventually he'll need to produce some money one way or another. Later on, though, when Suzaku is ballooned like a different type of fish and lounging around the clubhouse, he's going to wonder where Lelouch is running off to – "As if gambling is more important than his family!" Lelouch can already imagine Suzaku thinking, if not grumbling.
Gambling isn't more important than his family, but fighting to protect them against a super-evolved-locust nation like Britannia is.
If only Suzaku wasn't a bumbling idiot in their swarm…
To say that Lelouch has coped with the incident on Shikinejima Island wouldn't be entirely true, and it seems that Suzaku is still carrying some weight of that day as well.
Lelouch just knows his hands are dirty with Suzaku's guilt from that debacle.
Lelouch had really underestimated Suzaku's foolishness, and in any other circumstance it might have been a harmless slipup on Lelouch's part that he could have easily recovered from, but… Trapped by his (technically, was-presently pregnant) boyfriend in a cockpit that would have essentially served as their casket, Lelouch knew the way out and had to take it. There were so many reasons not to do it, but the single pro that countered weighed heavier than all of the cons combined.
Lelouch did curse his luck, but, not one to believe in luck, realized that he probably doomed himself somewhere along the way. Maybe it started when he denied his father, maybe it started when he befriended Suzaku, maybe he shouldn't have entered that contract with C.C., maybe he shouldn't have stood so close to Suzaku with his pistol—erm… maybe he shouldn't have counted Schneizel out – but he didn't expect the man to make his cameo just yet in order to eliminate Zero from Britannia's nuisance list, but he should have known better (and was a bit proud that Schneizel was the one who needed to come in a clean the mess himself). Or maybe he should have tried harder to not be conceived in his mother's womb so that he would never have been born and suffer all this madness that tried to bring him to an early grave.
There was an irony there, somewhere, that had nearly killed Lelouch.
(It's bad enough that it slaps him upside the head now every time he begins to wonder why he never bothered to wear a condom during sex with Suzaku – his male paramour.
It almost feels as if the universe is doing all of this to him on purpose.)
Lelouch remembers how angrily he grit his teeth, his left eye burning in anticipation with the knowledge that Geass was the last card he had to play as all of his others had been swiped from his hands. If only Schneizel hadn't literally popped out of nowhere in that flying… ordering Suzaku to…
No…as easy and tempting as it is to blame Schneizel, he can only order Suzaku to do something but cannot physically make him do it (unlike like Lelouch himself). Ultimately, it was Suzaku's decision to comply and that bothered Lelouch more than his son-of-a-bitch brother foiling him once again.
Suzaku was just going to let it happen. As if nothing else mattered. As if that was all he aspired to.
Despite everything, despite all the people who love and care about him (Nunnally, the student council, Lelouch…) and those who depend on or need him (Nunnally, Euphemia… Lelouch (Lloyd doesn't quite count)), and despite everything he'd worked for and everything that he had changed, Suzaku was just going to let his story cut short in an anticlimactic end that resolved nothing. Lelouch had been brimming with anger and desperation when the slit in his mask flew open as he yelled at Suzaku with all of the strength of emotion he could channel through his vocal-cords, ordering the empty-headed buffoon to do the very thing he wished against—
Because if irony was going to kill Lelouch it would protect Suzaku.
Lelouch wasn't and isn't going to let Suzaku get away so easily. After all, Lelouch hasn't been protecting Suzaku up until now for no reason. It just appears that now he needs to protect more than just Suzaku.
Universe and all of its irony – and Schneizel – be damned.
•-•
"I order you to love me!"
The words play like a broken record in Suzaku's head in a nauseating echo that has stripped them of their syllables, the six words slurring together in a mutated sound that has no meaning. This repetition stretches like suffocating rubber around him for meager seconds that pulse in his ears like lifetimes with his heartbeat – why is it so loud? – and he can't seem to shut his mouth or blink his eyes.
There's no way she just said that…
There's no way she just ordered that!
"And in return, I will love you!"
"Princess Euphemia…" Suzaku manages. Suddenly the rain of enemy fire falling around him doesn't feel as pressing as he guides Lancelot haphazardly yet skillfully through the lacerating shots aimed to kill. The shrinking level of Lancelot's energy has also slipped under the radar of his ever-alert battle-mode, if for a moment.
"I'll love your honest face and sad eyes, your kindness, your stubbornness, your clumsiness, and even how you're awkward with cats. All of you! So, please don't hate yourself!"
Suzaku feels frozen, almost; those words piercing him like an arrow through the heart, leaving him speechless – not for a lack of words, but too many to state.
"…Suzaku? Are you alright, can you hear me?"
"Y-yes, Your Highness." Suzaku stalls, feeling hot nerves sweat through his pores. What is he to say? "I'm sorry… I've made you worry. I'm so conceited, aren't I?" Suzaku glances at her uneasily during any second he can spare from the fight against him – he's severely outnumbered here. Before that might have made him feel anticipation if anything at all, but now, for once, he's apprehensive and afraid. There is too much at stake here for his atonement to intervene now…
Confusion crosses her face, "What do you mean?"
Suzaku's breath quivers past his teeth as he blindly disables enemy Knightmare after enemy Knightmare in this one-sided battle royal he's dancing through – Lancelot won't fare much longer…
"I'm sorry. You're a wonderful person with a big heart and your spontaneity is charming, but…" He rubs his lips together, glancing at her soft face now smiling at him affectionately, and swallows. He's never had to so this before. "I can't…"
He sees Euphemia shake her head emphatically from his peripheral after he looks away from her.
"No, don't ever say you 'can't.' I believe in you, Suzaku."
"Princess, I…" Suzaku feels his jaw clamp tight, his palms moist inside his pilot gloves as he grips the controls with aching hands.
"Accede, Suzaku." Euphemia chimes in for him, offering the words his mouth should muster. "Say you'll continue being my Knight."
"I'm tremendously flattered… but I can't follow that order."
"Suzaku…?"
Suzaku refuses to look up to her small voice.
"It's… I'm kind of already involved with someone…"
Lancelot finally dies around him, lights and sounds dimming from existence, allowing Euphemia's muteness to chill the sweat on his skin.
"…So, you have someone to live for?"
Suzaku realizes his eyes are watering – he's finally met his end and he doesn't want it, not when another life solely depends on him.
Not yet, not NOW.
"Then you don't have a choice, you have to live for them." Euphemia's intrepid tone is hollowed with despondence but it doesn't make her words any less sincere. "You have to live for them!"
He clenches the controls, "I'm sorry… I've"—failed—"run out of energy…" Something Suzaku expects should be his life flashing before his eyes is really only a stained memory of glassy eyes on the face of his father, a figurehead – a martyr? – that lies like a beached whale in a shore of crimson that burns his hands, a proud nation bullied into ruin, the smug smile of a prince – the same lips that had damned it all, vowed to destroy the destroyers—
"No, Suzaku! You have to live!" Euphemia's cry is so desperate, desolate, and raw that it ices the marrow in his bones just before an abstractly familiar blackness begins to envelop him in a numb void—
When volatile, malicious beams circle him in a roaring perimeter that destroys the pack of Knightmares that had him surrounded like wolves.
For once, Suzaku is glad to have Zero make his appearance if only because it reels him from the holes in his soul and distracts him from the heart he sees breaking in his Princess's blue eyes…
•-•
As if Lelouch doesn't already have enough reason to detest Schneizel and want him eliminated in every sense of the word, he has now climbed to a whole new level of hatred. Although Lelouch doesn't know for a fact that this little strategy was devised by his brother, it reeks too much of Schneizel for Lelouch to assume it was Cornelia's or any other's doing.
This is the second time Schneizel has tried to erase Suzaku – the second obviously paying for the treacherous escape of the first.
But this is also the second time the Second Prince has been thwarted.
And third time will not be the charm for Schneizel because Lelouch will not give him the chance.
It is this train of thought that has him steamrolling down his express route to the submarine's bay where his shuttle is waiting for him to climb in so it can deploy under the safety of the wrinkled blanket of opaque water. The rebels that are shuffling through the corridors in their brisk uniforms might misconstrue his steps as being his typical, stout march rather than anything else – anything emotionally driven – as they scatter from the path of their fearless leader like flocks of black sheep. Lelouch is more than willing to let them believe that as he sets course for home, ignoring the critical, golden eyes that have been shadowing him unnervingly since he boarded.
Of course tailing him isn't a new pastime for that witch, but this time it's strange; the way her silence breathes the air around him makes it feel as though she has something to say – and if so, why hasn't she said anything yet? If it's a private matter then why didn't she speak when they were secluded in the Gawain? He should probably be relieved that she's tailing him rather than causing trouble for any of the crew—she doesn't want to come to the surface with him, does she?
In the end, she doesn't speak and he doesn't ask – even if his mind wasn't elsewhere he still most likely wouldn't.
He just hopes that won't come back to bite him in the ass later…
•-•
"I'll be firm and resolute and won't back down. It's time to put my stubbornness to good use, even if it's a selfish request it's not really only just for me—"
"What on Earth are you babbling about?" Lloyd calls in a drawl, pushing his spectacles up his narrow nose.
"Ah!" Suzaku jumps, meeting Lloyd's cold gaze that's much closer than he remembers—
Well, that's because Suzaku had been walking up to the man when he had delved into his head for a mental pep-rally to motivate himself – which is practically like visiting a ghost town considering how rarely Suzaku hosts such events in his head, for himself – and last he checked Lloyd was—
"Boy, what is wrong with you?" Lloyd queries loudly into Suzaku's face. "Don't tell me my devicer is malfunctioning."
"I think it's debatable whether or not he was ever 'functioning' in the first place"—Suzaku can hear Lelouch mock in his head.
"Uh, well, nothing. But I wanted to talk to you about something…"
"Hm~?" Lloyd lifts a thin eyebrow at him. "So something is wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Cécile tacks onto the conversation with a fretful ensemble on her features to match her voice.
"Um…" Suzaku starts, eyes darting between the two once Lloyd finally cranes away from his personal space.
"If it's about the Lancelot…?" Cécile trails off, her question suggesting the battle that had just transpired – the one where he not only lost of all of his energy, but the float system too…
Suzaku rubs his arm, "Ah, sort of…"
…In
Which
No
Explanation
Takes
Place…
"You are going to enlighten us sometime this millennium, right Suzaku?"
"What's the matter?" for once Cécile is too worried to spare her energy on reprimanding Lloyd – that's right, she had probably heard his conversation with the Princess…
Suzaku's eyes dart between them again like he's watching a tennis match, and then heaves a big sigh from his gut as if his favored side just lost the game.
"I need a hiatus from piloting the Lancelot."
There, he said it.
The ball's in their court now…
Cécile's head cocks to the side and just when she opens her mouth—
"This isn't about that pregnancy thing is it?" Lloyd blurts out in a tawdry tone. "Because I should think that it would only improve your performance. You would be fighting for two, after all – what motivation is better than that? So I think it would be a waste to stop now when—Ouch!" Lloyd yelps, trying to soothe the place on the back of his head that Cécile's hand collided with.
"Pardon his inhumanity," She pleads formally as her arm lowers to her side.
"Like always," Suzaku responds uneasily – she doesn't typically physically abuse him, but maybe it's a long time coming…?
"Bloody Hell, what was that for?"
"Suzaku,"—Lloyd has totally just been ignored—"if you need some time, I think that can be arranged, but… You know the instability of the situation here."
"I know, but I can't keep doing this, especially after today." If not for ZERO, I would have—"It's too irresponsible for me to continue."
She nods solemnly, "Yes, this is a quite a problem. Even so, we only go out on demand, so maybe…"
"Perhaps we could plead for a truce with Zero," Lloyd jeers mildly, still coddling his wound.
Cécile glowers at him.
"Don't give me that look. You know I don't care for much else than my Lancelot and even in a time of peace I could still borrow Suzaku from his new family for tests and such, right Suzaku old boy? As long as the two of you are never parted, I think I can live a contented life – though it wouldn't be the same, of course. Maybe I can still convince you otherwise…"
"Do you want me to hit you again?"
Suzaku laughs nervously and starts making random gestures with his hands to distract harm away from Lloyd.
"Alright, we've had a long evening, so let's just sleep on it, alright? The problem will still be here in the morning, and who knows, maybe a solution will be here as well?"
"As if the real world works that way…" Lloyd ridicules as he walks away – either agreeing with Suzaku regardless of his words or trying to avoid Cécile's unnaturally lively scorn.
"You're right Suzaku; it has been a long evening. Why don't you head off and get some rest?" She glances quickly over her shoulder to Lloyd who is tapping away at the computer he'd abandoned to interrupt Suzaku's blathering. "Don't worry about Lloyd, he's like a bratty child but he knows what he can't have at the end of the day. I promise you that we can work this out somehow."
Suzaku smiles, "Thanks, but don't hurt him again, alright? I don't want to have to babysit him if you do."
Cécile's eyes gleam in a way Suzaku has never seen but the smile on her lips is still as tender as always.
"Off you go," she starts to shoo him with her hands. "Tonight has been especially stressful for you, so rest well. I'll phone you if there's anything you need to know."
Suzaku smiles affably, letting her turn him to face the open door, "Fine, fine. But don't worry if you have trouble reaching me during the week after school hours because I'll be busy with student council business. There's a festival at the end of the week and we still have a lot of things to take care of."
"A festival?"
He nods, "Yeah, it'll be an open campus, so we really have to prepare for the possible crowd surplus."
"That sounds pleasant, but don't work yourself too much Suzaku. If you feel tired then rest." She places a light, comforting hand on his back as they walk with a gentle smile on her lips for his eyes to see.
"Don't worry so much – I'm not that reckless." He tries to laugh only to have it die before it materializes into sound.
There's a faint scoff from Lloyd's direction.
Suzaku can't resist: "You know, Lloyd, since the school will be accepting visitors, you should visit Milly. You're only going to be marrying her."
Lloyd barely bothers to mumble a retort before Cécile sends Suzaku on his way again with another warm parting and a soft-spoken resolution to help resolve the matter of his situation. He walks through the door and into the shadowy hallway—
Finding a single person is lingering nearby, caught in the fading light stretching from the lab.
His stomach practically hits the floor, "Princess Euphemia?"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to eavesdrop! I just wanted to see how you were doing! But then I heard you talking, and…!" her voice storms Suzaku in such a rush of words that he almost doesn't notice the blush creeping to her cheeks—
Did she just say eavesdrop?
All he can do is gape like a faceless portrait when she abashedly approaches him, her hands clutching the white bell of her dress.
"I'm sorry." She peeks at him timorously. "I hope you can forgive—"
"No," his mouth utters and her eyes grow wide. "W-wait! I-I-I meant it's not a problem! You were just worried, I am grateful for that."
She nods and looks down at her fingers as they fiddle with her skirt.
"…So, you are all right, then?" her powder blue irises are on his face again, particularly his lips when he speaks.
"Oh, yes. Thank you for asking. And you, Princess? Are you all right?"
She nods, eyes swooping away from his again as if literally watching Silence enter their conversation.
This really couldn't be more awkward.
It's like bumping into an ex where things didn't quite end well—or so Suzaku imagines.
Even crickets wouldn't chirp if they were in this hallway. Perhaps it'd be better if Suzaku knew what to say…
"To be honest Suzaku, I'm surprised. I guess I thought you were more responsible than this."
"Imagine how I feel," he mutters wryly. "But, at least give me some credit. It's not like I thought this could happen to me."
Her eyes shift into a critical shade, something disapproving twisting on her face.
"Surprises come in all forms, I guess." He looks down at his shoes. "I still can't really believe it, but… Well, if I had known it was even remotely possible for something like this to happen I would have made sure he used protection, but—"
"He?"
Suzaku looks up, "Pardon?"
"You… said 'he.'"
Before Suzaku can question her further, he sees the dawn of realization colour her face—
"Y-you mean you're the one who's…?"
Suzaku feels hot nerves wriggling in his stomach, "What do you mean, that you didn't know? I thought you said you overheard—!"
That's right, even though they spoke of the subject the words "Suzaku is pregnant" were never said directly, most of their conversation pretty much stepping around them, so, naturally, Euphemia would just assume…
Strange how Suzaku can be so careless about what he says as well as what was and wasn't said about him yet at the same time be so careful to not mention the exiled and believed-to-be deceased prince's name.
Suzaku gawks at her with a slack jaw and a stomach shriveling under the stuffy discomfiture of the moment, trying to find a reasonable chain of words to save this situation from falling from his control as he watches her face scuff with vermilion, a nervous hand covering her mouth.
He is unlucky in his search.
Shit…
•-•
Lelouch is roused by the frenetic ruffling of cloth that might as well be a riot breaking out in the stark silence of the room, causing a sleepy jolt to twitch his body and open his eyes; revealing not only that he had fallen asleep at his desk – neglected schoolwork still waiting to be completed by his intelligence – but that he is no longer alone in the room. In either brief alarm or a learned instinct from napping during class, Lelouch bolts upright in his chair with a drowsy cloak hanging over his features, causing that sound of fussing fabric to instantly cease. The silence is a bit tense though still calm as Lelouch turns in his chair to find the origin of the noisemaker whilst rubbing his eyes, coming face to face to with Suzaku's apologetic expression.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
The room is still bright, well lit by the ceiling light uncovering most of the room from the shroud of night (including Lelouch's ignored homework). Suzaku's face looks a tad rosy, his cheeks tinged like they've been brushed by cold weather, and his eyes are heavy, hard, and polished like marble.
"It's fine…" Lelouch murmurs, still trying to rid his eyes from the mask of sleep.
"I was even gonna try to carry you to bed."
Lelouch's wit isn't too lethargic to miss that.
"In that case I'm glad you woke me up," he mutters very dryly, hearing Suzaku breathe a quiet sound of appreciation for the comedic comment over the continued scuffle of clothing. He looks Suzaku over again, picking up the grim disposition of his friend as a burnt-orange military uniform is quietly disassembled from his person – strange since Suzaku had left in his civilian clothes. "You're back late."
Lelouch of course had hurried home, wanting to get back as early as possible to wait for his impregnated companion, thereafter trying – and failing – to busy himself with schoolwork. He didn't have to beat Suzaku here but he figured it would be for the best considering a night ago he'd stumbled in late and Suzaku wasn't pleased—not that Lelouch is afraid of Suzaku or his nagging, he's just covering his terrorist ass. Lelouch only wants to cause as much suspicion as he can get away with before he finds his free time inhibited by the very things he's trying to protect. It would be very bad for Suzaku's all around health to accumulate an abundant amount of stress because of Lelouch – meaning now is the worst possible time for Suzaku to be figuring out any secrets that lead to Zero results.
So, just to be clear: Lelouch is not intimidated.
Lelouch doesn't get intimidated.
This is all for concern – the greater good.
(It almost makes Lelouch wonder why he said "back late" instead of "home late.")
"Yeah…" Suzaku nods – too gravely for Lelouch's taste – pulling the last leg out of his pants and resting them next to his jacket already sprawled out on the couch behind Lelouch's desk. He is clad in only his white, button-down shirt, green tie dangling from his neck, and his snug, gray boxers when he plops down heavily on the bed – Lelouch has to focus to draw his attention away from the informal position of Suzaku's open legs. "I was going to stay in my dorm, but…" he leans his elbows on his knees, "I don't feel like being alone tonight." It's after a halfhearted shrug that Suzaku removes his socks – his shoes are undoubtedly resting by the bedroom door.
Lelouch feels his eyebrows crease, "Long night?"
Suzaku just nods, tossing his socks on the couch where his tie soon joins them.
"Did you take care of that business with Asplund?"
Suzaku nods again.
Lelouch purses his lips.
Seems Suzaku isn't in the mood for conversation.
"Please, spare me the details," Lelouch says drolly.
Suzaku looks up at him with weary eyes, "I'm sorry Lelouch. I'm just…" his eyes drift away again as a deep sigh claims his lips.
"You are…?"
"…I'm beginning to wonder if I'm making the right decision. I feel like every one that I make turns out to be a bad one."
Not the answer Lelouch wants to hear, but not the answer that surprises him, either.
"You keep telling me that you'll support me in whatever I do, as long as I do what I feel is right… I know I fought for this, but…" Suzaku's eyes are clear and firm for the first moment since Lelouch has looked into them upon waking. "Lelouch, I want to know how you feel and what you want. You have yet to tell me anything about what's going on inside that head of yours."
Lelouch holds that gaze, that clarity shining in emerald eyes now that those walls have lowered, and then breathes in steadily through his nose.
"First of all, I think that you can't know if something is the 'right' decision when you make it. In hindsight, everything's twenty-twenty."
"But you've always seemed so sure of yourself, never worrying or stressing about your decisions." Suzaku's lips break into a sardonic smile, "Lelouch, you always have all the answers."
"That's not true."
Suzaku blinks at the sudden, solemn slump in Lelouch's tone.
"It's not true that I don't worry or stress – I stress and worry so much it's a wonder my hair hasn't turned gray yet or that I haven't had a heart-attack." Lelouch rubs his face. "I seem confident because I am confident, and I like to think I have all the answers, but I know I can only control so much around me. And sometimes, Suzaku, the bigger picture is a whole lot bigger than you think it is."
"But…"
"For instance," Lelouch stands up, gesturing with his hand to Suzaku, "you being pregnant has surprised me greatly. There's no honest way that I could have known this would happen – could I have prevented it if I had known? Certainly. But there's no changing my past ignorance, I just have to forge ahead and find my way on this new path." He gently sits down next to Suzaku. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that one can only be as prepared as they are observant. If there's something beyond your knowledge of course you can't predict it, but the trick is adapting and knowing how to handle whatever the universe throws at you." He lays his hand on Suzaku's back, "Right and wrong is shrouded in gray, only farther down the road will you know if you've done the best you could."
Suzaku's eyes stare at him a moment in silence as if he's absorbing everything Lelouch has just said, then rests his head on Lelouch's shoulder, nestling close to the warm body. Lelouch rubs Suzaku's back, turning towards the boy to let him nuzzle deeper into the comfort of his form. Lelouch isn't sure if he was just trying to comfort Suzaku, if that's what Suzaku wanted – though it felt like it – and he doesn't know if Suzaku has been consoled by his words of wisdom, but the atmosphere is lighter than before. The ghostly tension feels to have dissipated from the air—
"Right, but you still haven't told me how you feel about the baby."
—And there it is again.
"…I'm sure I've answered this question before."
"No," Suzaku pushes himself up, "you haven't. All you've said is that you'd be supportive."
"Doesn't that tell you something?"
"Lelouch. This is important. It's not like we're painting the walls a different colour – this is a baby, our baby – another life we're talking about."
Lelouch sighs.
Feelings: not something Lelouch is exactly adept in expressing… with words, anyway – actions do speak louder. But Suzaku needs to be told these things, needs to hear these things sometimes, otherwise they're left up to his assumptions and those prove to be incorrect quite frequently; particularly when interpreting Lelouch's feelings. Naturally, Lelouch's emotions are something that are supposed to be buried, never unearthed by anyone other than himself, yet sometimes he wishes Suzaku could see them as clearly as he feels them despite the thick veneer he wears so tightly, so cautiously, so protectively to keep them hidden, if only so he wouldn't have say them out loud.
How dreadfully ironic…
"I can't."
"What?" Judging by Suzaku's tone that is not an answer he wants to hear.
"Rather, I couldn't." He leans his forehead against Suzaku's and spins his voice from his throat like he's turning it into luxury silk, "If I had to be in this situation with anyone, I'm glad it's with you – I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else, nor could I. You are the only one for me and the only mother I would want for my child." If Lelouch's voice isn't tender enough, he seals his words with a lingering kiss over Suzaku's lips and a light grasp of Suzaku's chin to tilt his head just slightly.
When their lips part with a quiet noise Suzaku's eyes look deep and clouded but there's a light shining through his mystification from somewhere in his mind like a lighthouse flashing through thick fog, and the soft smile that bends his lips relieves the room of more invisible tension.
"You always know what to say, don't you?" he says with a calm gleam over his shamrock eyes.
"That's right." Lelouch smiles back.
It helps to have a collection of romance flicks under his belt to reference, too. If they've taught him anything it's that sap is a must – and their said sappy dialogue is more or less the same which enables him to apply them to whatever bitter situation that needs to be sweetened.
…Not that he was trying to learn anything or that he willingly subjected himself to them.
Nunnally is found of them, is all!
"You smooth talking demon…" Suzaku murmurs, moving his sassy smile centimeters from Lelouch's lips. "What have you done with Lelouch?"
Instead of lifting an eyebrow like his first impulse tells him to, his lips steal Suzaku's words to stretch into a hellish crescent like a wicked horn.
"Didn't you know?"—a smoldering breath against Suzaku's lips, a fingertip pointing his chin upward—"I am a demon."
Suzaku's saucy lips shrivel into a puckering cushion for the bedeviling kiss Lelouch places against them with a fervor burning in his lips.
Actions always taste better than words.
Lelouch doesn't mean for the exchange to be long despite his force as he's still quite tired, not to mention he has a case of cotton-mouth due to his napping. He just wants to end the moment with a nice press of lips, maybe a sweep of tongues, and then conclude the night by flopping down on his bed and getting some – hopefully – undisturbed beauty sleep.
Seems Suzaku has other ideas.
His mouth is open and his voice is leaking out alluring sounds that are deceptively soft as his hands reach to trap Lelouch's head when it tries to drift away with strong fingers cutting through stalks of black licorice hair. Lelouch's finger is still pointed against Suzaku's chin, and after a moment of consideration – that perhaps a little make-out session before bed wouldn't hurt – it skims up Suzaku's jaw where a hand cups Suzaku's face, fingers fussing the curled brush of brown hair. Lelouch is pulled down in this intrigue with Suzaku's hands, nestling him in the limbs of his muscular mate like a nest in a tree. Suzaku's arms are as warm and sturdy around his shoulders as Lelouch remembers – as they always are – but there's something peculiar teeming in their embrace that's spreading all through Suzaku's body in an odd language Lelouch knows he recognizes but can't quite place. Something about Suzaku just feels off from the way his knees pin Lelouch's waist against his hips to how unusually persuasive his tongue is behaving as it anxiously slithers around.
Even so, it's not entirely unpleasant, whatever this feeling with which Suzaku is clinging to him. It almost makes Lelouch feel… important – and that's certainly destined to get Lelouch going one way or another. The hot thriving crawling from his loins is a sensation that, incidentally, his pants cannot appreciate as he swivels his head to the side in a kiss growing sloppier with hasty lust. Lelouch can't speak for Suzaku's rushing but lack of air is something that has Lelouch griping the excess of shirt on Suzaku's sides in mercy. One of Suzaku's hands is still pillaging the locks of Lelouch's hair when he moves his head again, the burning in his chest far more unpleasant than a little constriction of his pants, but with an uncivilized grunt Lelouch is able to scare that rough hand away and break for air.
Pink is rolled across Suzaku's cheeks and desire is steaming his eyes when Lelouch looks down at him, panting and flushed with a wild thicket of hair thanks to Suzaku's rather ardent groping.
"Sorry…" Suzaku says quietly – why isn't he out of breath too? – and caresses Lelouch's cheeks with his fingertips – and is that pity? – while holding firmly to Lelouch's arm with his other hand.
Lelouch furrows mildly irritated eyebrows and lies, "It's fine."
What's with him…?
Lelouch leans down again, his hair being swept away from his face by Suzaku's hands as he descends and grazes his lips over Suzaku's before kissing beside that thirsty mouth instead. A nasally noise of yearning is cast out from Suzaku's impatience as Lelouch nips away towards his neck, hands tugging on the loose-knit, cotton sweater decorating Lelouch's torso. Lelouch smirks at the sound and bites harder on the spot he had stained with his teeth last night as he shifts his hips over Suzaku's—
Instantly met with the rigid spring of a healthy erection.
Suzaku's face and expression have ripened to a bashful red when Lelouch's amazed eyes stumble up to his.
"I-I'm sorry!"
"Why are you apologizing?" Lelouch barely suppresses a laugh and Suzaku's mouth presses into a tight line. "It is a little surprising to see you so excited this quickly, but…" Lelouch holds his impish stare over Suzaku's face, his black hair a tattered curtain around their faces, "I'm no less satisfied." He nudges their crotches together again getting a sharp grimace from Suzaku. "In fact, I'm rather pleased. So there's no need to apologize." Lelouch brushes his soft smirk over Suzaku's lips, kissing them fully again when seahorse opens welcomingly opens his mouth.
Lelouch combs the fingers of his left hand through chocolate waves, lifting his hips as his right hand descends between their bodies in search of a button and zipper. He fumbles slightly, trying to unfasten his pants quickly as the feeling and the sight of Suzaku's bold excitement shoots something through his body, zapping the tip of his stirring flesh that cannot wait to cut loose and greet Suzaku. It pushes from Lelouch's fly with a giddy jerk and the relief his cramped cock feels as it is released from fitted, charcoal slacks leaks from Lelouch's mouth in a light sound, one that Suzaku mimics when their hard lengths are pressed together.
"…Looks like you're just as excited as I am," Suzaku murmurs cheekily when their lips part.
"Only because I willed myself to be," Lelouch defends indignantly, pushing up on his elbow for better leverage.
Of course, that is a lie.
But he can't let Suzaku think otherwise.
Lelouch doesn't even give him the chance to speak. He starts grinding down roughly on Suzaku's hips and smothers the off-guard outbursts of pleasure Suzaku makes with a harsh kiss. Suzaku clutches at Lelouch's back as his muffled moans are absorbed by a tenacious tongue, carelessly stretching the back of Lelouch's sweater, much to the older boy's dismay – it's flattering that Suzaku is mangling his clothing out of gripping pleasure, really, but at this rate he's going to ruin it! It's with a bite on a plumping lip and coarser thrusts over Suzaku that Lelouch tries to get the brunet's attention to stop stretching his sweater, but what he gets in response surprises him somewhat:
"Lelouch," Suzaku gasps, a solid longing in his voice. "I want to feel your skin…"—a distressed tug—"Off…"
Lelouch pauses to look down at Suzaku, into his lustily laden, forest depths. At the desperate plea breathing around his words.
He smirks.
Need my Highness that badly?
With some trained effort, Lelouch tugs the layers of his ebony sweater and the sharply collared, vibrant aqua dress-shirt underneath off over his head, more than happy to deposit them in the safety of the couch next to Suzaku's uniform, far from Suzaku's reach. There's a smug tilt of his head and crook of his lips when Suzaku's hands quickly coat his fair skin and he circles his fingers around Suzaku's wrists when palms caress his chest, causing the boy to look up at him with big, misty eyes.
"Likewise," Lelouch says, his voice wrapped in a soft husk and his smile sharp just before he presses his lips against Suzaku's.
In an instant, Suzaku's shirt is pushed up, he is pushed down, and Lelouch is comfortably grinding their clothed erections together again as he pecks his lips to one of Suzaku's brittle nipples. The corners of Lelouch's mouth lift in a prideful grin when it appears to bristle even more at his attention and he lets his tongue peek past his lofty lips to teasingly flick the lusty nub. Suzaku gasps at that with a twitch of his chest, a breathier moan fleeing his mouth when Lelouch liberally slathers his wet tip around the pointed nub before closing it in his mouth. He sucks on it gently and toughly as he whirls his slimy organ around the excited bump, rubbing and stroking with his tongue as he continues to grind his solid length over Suzaku's rocking hips. Suzaku's body shudders as Lelouch laps at his sensitive breast, his hands ranking through Lelouch's hair – though more tamely than before – with his attention lost in Lelouch's ravenous mouth and the heated nerves mounting his body as Lelouch humps his crotch. He merely wriggles and gasps when Lelouch's tongue slides across his heaving chest where he nibbles and suckles at the other budding nipple, maintaining the vivaciously vigorous lunges of his hips—
"Put it in!"
Lelouch halts.
He doesn't quite try to restrain his shock but he doesn't quite openly display it to Suzaku, either.
Suzaku is looking up at him with glazed, hooded eyes and a beautiful blush splashed over his face – an expression that virtually says "take me now!" in Lelouch's opinion.
Suzaku almost sounds defensive when he answers Lelouch's gape with a light voice wavering from his throat, but it mostly sounds suffocated in desperation…
Or something similar.
"I want you, Lelouch… I want to feel you… inside…"
Lelouch swallows, absent to the saliva smeared around his mouth from its previous engagement.
Such embarrassing things Suzaku is saying.
Who actually says stuff like that in real life?
Suzaku, apparently.
"Are you sure? We don't have to…"
Suzaku nods, quickly and pointedly pulling off his soiled, gray shorts. "It's not so much I want than I need," he says, dropping his underwear on the floor.
So Suzaku really does need Lelouch's Highness that badly after all…
"Is that so…?" Lelouch grins devilishly down at Suzaku, lying against him again.
Suzaku inclines his chin to touch his lips against Lelouch's as they sink closer—
And closer—
"In that case," Lelouch sits up with a smirk at Suzaku's denied-a-kiss expression, reaching for the drawer of his desk closest to the bed, "I'm glad I bought these today."
Suzaku's eyes blink at the rather (unexpectedly) large box of condoms in Lelouch's fingers.
"…Why so many?"
"Need you ask?" Lelouch says through his same grin.
Suzaku sighs at him playfully only to cringe moments later when the chilly sticks of Lelouch's lubricated fingers begin to paint around his entrance, but he still pulls his knees back to give his lover easier access. They gingerly slip inside for preparation, stroking Suzaku's passage carefully, gently, as Lelouch stares down at Suzaku's pursed face – it's been some time since they've been together this way. The night of Suzaku's congratulatory party for becoming Euphemia's knight was the last time and Lelouch was perhaps a tad too forceful to take Suzaku (to childishly remind him who he really belongs to) but it had seemed that the Honorary Britannian was fully aware of that symbolism…
Suzaku's mouth flies open in a gasp and then a suffocated moan curling in his throat as a covered Lelouch enters him to the hilt in a smooth motion. His body steels and his eyes are squinting so intensely his emerald gems are reduced to slivers. Suzaku's tense legs are linked tightly at their ankles around Lelouch as he leans forward, hovering above Suzaku's creased face as it begins to pant as if to relieve the pressure filling his body. He pecks small kisses against Suzaku's lips with fingers that caress a sacrificial scar.
"You can… you can move," Suzaku says quietly in a faintly frantic push of air after sufficiently adjusting to girth inside him, his eyes still a glossy pair of evergreen spindles.
For a fleeting moment Lelouch feels his joints solidify in some empathetic hesitation from the look in Suzaku's eyes. He leans on his elbow and combs his hand through Suzaku's hair just as he had previously, only instead of reaching for his zipper this time, he touches his lips to Suzaku's in the softest, most loving kiss he can muster. Suzaku folds his hands over Lelouch's shoulders as he returns the kiss with equal endearment, trapping his own moan inside the older lad's mouth when his hips move in the first shallow thrust. Suzaku's body closes around Lelouch with hunger when he moves again in a deeper heave with legs wringing the thin waist in their grip and short fingernails scoring red frowns into Lelouch's skin. He tells himself he is immune to the sting of Suzaku's nails as he moves faster still into the tight heat trying to pull him in deeper the faster he drives, breathing in the hot air of Suzaku's stifled sounds that have never so anxiously wanted to be louder.
Lelouch has never been much of a moaner or a noisemaker himself, but it's always exhilarating to hear Suzaku – particularly when he's trying to keep quiet. Lelouch knows he's doing his absolute best when Suzaku's teeth are threatening to chew through his lips or hands in order to keep his voice down, much like it he's doing right now. Lelouch offers a groan here and there along with the occasional grunt (that's far more occasional than he'd like) so Suzaku can hear his partner's satisfaction and can get the same excited feeling, but still strictly prefers to hear Suzaku—
SNI~FF!
Speaking of sounds.
Lelouch takes a closer look into Suzaku's eyes after hearing the sniffle, seeing a thick glaze swimming over his green irises.
That's strange… is Suzaku tearing up?
Maybe this is hurting him? Should he stop—?
Suzaku's arms lasso around Lelouch's neck, wrangling him down for a crushing kiss that harbors a sea of rolling emotions Lelouch was not prepared to feel surge from his seahorse.
"Lelouch…" Suzaku chokes, holding the vigilante close in the ropes of his arms, their faces so close Lelouch's hair sweeps against the damp rouge on his face. The brunet's limbs encircle in an embrace that's so secure yet insecure at the same time; it's almost as if…
Ah, so that's what this is.
Suzaku's seeking more than to just quench his horny hunger and lose himself in physical comfort. This is…
"…I love you, Lelouch. So much."
…an honest-to-God consummation.
It couldn't be about his mission today, could it…?
It is this moment of concentrated, living passion encompassing them that helps Lelouch to understand a little of what and how parents-to-be might feel about their offspring, why they treasure those little creations with their all – because those little creations are the very tangible, personified form of their love. It's so romantically maudlin Lelouch thinks it might cause something to burst—
…!
That something has apparently been decided by his libido.
Lousy stamina.
They haven't even been at it that long!
"Suzaku," Lelouch grunts – a warning of the flashflood soon to come.
…Ahem.
"W…wait…!" Suzaku grasps Lelouch's shoulder. "Just… a little longer…!"
"Hurry up!" Lelouch commands as he tries to slow the rapid pace of his thrusting hips and swiftly jerk Suzaku's erection in order to win the race against himself.
…Hold on.
Did Lelouch just demand that Suzaku's orgasm catch up to his own?
Yeah, that happened…
He really is no match for Suzaku's sexy cheetah body.
White soaks over the knuckles of Lelouch's hand grappling to the bar of his bed rail as he rocks his hips into Suzaku's body, feeling him convulse around his covered flesh when it drives over the internal pill of ecstasy. Suzaku moves with the thrusts, his legs anchored around Lelouch and constricting tighter with each hit to his prostate, his teeth clamped down so hard on his lips Lelouch almost expects to see them pierce right through. But even with his mouth locked up to stay quiet, his attempt at quietness doesn't keep his pleasure from escaping through his nose in little mewls that gain weight with every deep lunge into his body, their pitch increasing the more he tries to silence them.
Lelouch can taste the tide of air that bursts out of Suzaku's mouth in a cry he couldn't quite contain as if it's squeezed from his lungs like the water out of his eyes. A clothed arm is quick to bridge over those leaking greens, prompting Lelouch to take his hand off the bar and close his fingers around the clenching fist to tenderly coax it open. He entwines their fingers together when that palm unrolls and they clasp tightly after Lelouch pushes the arm above Suzaku's head, away from his face, kissing him deeply until the wells of his eyes dry up. Lelouch can't stop from feeling that holding hands during sex is really cheesy, but it does the job of consoling Suzaku just before he barrels through his limit and over his peak with Suzaku's body still a racing rhythm to follow suit. Lelouch continues thrusting as he rides down his slope in an effort to speed Suzaku along, sliding his hand diligently around Suzaku's slick, heated shaft.
It all instantly falls apart when Suzaku's orgasm snaps his taut muscles and wets their skin, leaving their bodies to turn to goo as it turns their heads to weightless balloons, and for a very long stretch of senseless time there's just:
B
L
I
S
S
.
.
.
That is, of course, until Suzaku has to go and ruin it with his talking.
"You outdid yourself Lelouch," Suzaku mocks with an even breath. "Two minutes this time."
"Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven," Lelouch says with a puff, smirking when he lifts his head from Suzaku's shoulder to see rolling eyes – that's right, no one can argue with this logic.
"I think you're just lucky I'm fast enough to keep up with you."
"Well, if it's a race then I think I've finally found one that I can win against you, but you should feel proud that you can at least keep up." Lelouch plops his head back down. "I'm glad you can put that speediness of yours to good use."
"Strange way to twist the situation just to make yourself feel better."
"It's all about adapting, my little cheetah," Lelouch prattles pleasantly.
"Cheetah?"
"Mm. Now be quiet, you're ruining my buzz."
Suzaku shifts under his weight, "As much as I like lying here with you like this, I don't think you should be pressing on my stomach."
Lelouch flinches, lifting off of Suzaku's body, "Right…" rolling over to lie on his back next to the brunet with a flop. His chest bobs like rocky ocean waves as he feels himself melt into the mattress cradling his exhausted body. He glances at Suzaku, feeling irritation gnaw on his pride at the sight of the calmer waters of his seahorse's chest, but the feeling dissolves as his eyes pour over the rest of Suzaku's body…
Violets follow the sheen of sweat lying over Suzaku's torso below the muddled fabric still hitched up his chest just above his duskier nipples. They are still stiff under the film of perspiration that makes the skin over Suzaku's softly toned abdomen glisten as he pants tamely for air; getting thicker the closer it gets to his bare crotch. His thighs are still spread open and slick from traces of sweat and lotion smearing from his behind and the coating on his flaccid length is drying along with his spattered on his stomach. His hairline is moist and his face is still glowing pink like most of his skin… Lelouch feels it's all probably enough to get him a little hard again.
He peels the condom off at the thought – he's too worn-out to be tempted, tossing it in the trash bin he had placed between his bed and nightstand just for this purpose. After cleaning them both off with the tissues he keeps in his drawer, and tucking himself back into his clothes, Suzaku tugs his shirt down so that it falls over his hips and shuffles closer to spoon against Lelouch on his side – yet Lelouch can't help but wonder why the boy didn't just take it off instead. Regardless, Lelouch welcomes Suzaku's snuggling with a quiet sigh of contentment, both of which lead the peaceful thoughts of his imaginary world of solitude. It begins to build up around his mind, shutting out the stresses and such from his daily life—
Suzaku's fingers doodle over Lelouch's collarbone, "…Um, hypothetically speaking—"
What was that? Did Lelouch just hear a crack splinter the foundation of his solace?
"—what if someone found out I am, ah, with child?"
Lelouch props himself up on an elbow and pines his eyes on Suzaku, locked like missiles on a target.
"Who knows?" he demands sternly.
"Uh…" Suzaku hesitates briefly. "Well, you know just, I didn't go out of my way, I mean, it's not like… It's no one that—"
"Who did you tell?" Lelouch snaps.
Suzaku visibly gulps, "Princess Euphemia?"
There's a sudden rush of something cold in Lelouch's body that boils up through his skin – his thoughts racing in a blur from his mother and her soft blue eyes, to Nunnally and her smile, to Zero, to his father and his callous, violet eyes.
"Why would you tell her?"
"Well…" Suzaku fidgets. "It's not like I meant to! She overheard my conversation with Lloyd. What was I supposed to do? Deny it? Lie?"
Suzaku could have at least put one of his many theories to use on Euphemia – if there was ever a time for a genetically-mutated-virus-infected-hermaphrodite-impregnated-by-an-alien-seahorse story, it would have been then.
Who knows, she might have bought it.
"Did you tell her who the father is?"
Suzaku shakes his head and Lelouch releases his panicked breath as he grasps his forehead, combing his fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry, Lelouch."
"No, it's… don't worry about it. I know she can be trusted with a secret and as long as she doesn't know it's me, we'll be just fine." Lelouch removes his hand, locks of raven fluttering back over his face. "What was her reaction, her response?"
"She was so shocked she was speechless…"
"…Yes, I suppose anyone would be," Lelouch says quietly, trying to relax into his mattress like he had in the bathtub last night.
"I'm sorry." Suzaku's voice is so small, so familiar with those two words, that he might as well have said nothing at all.
It's as though apologizing is the only thing Suzaku knows how to do.
It's so damn infuriating.
"I said don't worry about it," Lelouch reminds tersely, his eyes closing as an annoyed scowl shades his face.
He feels Suzaku physically cringe like a frail sprig ambushed by winter's icy breath, but still remains near the shelter of Lelouch's body. The bantering words Suzaku had spoken to him yesterday and today replay in Lelouch's ears, lifting the dark drape over his eyes to show him the crestfallen eyes of his meek little boyfriend. The view makes Lelouch feel like his stomach is trying to eat his heart and it folds his brow together with pensive creases.
Ice Prince indeed…
Lelouch slides his arm around Suzaku with his fingertips delicately skating up his spine over the ghost-white shirt he's hiding in, cradling Suzaku in an embrace that he hopes will warm them both. Suzaku's head ducks a little under Lelouch's chin, closer towards Lelouch's chest as the fingers tunneling through his earthy mane reel him in with a tender kiss pressed against his forehead; Lelouch inhaling Suzaku's scent as he buries his nose in Suzaku's hair.
"Don't worry," Lelouch murmurs in his silky-spun voice again. "We'll figure this out, together. I promise."
The moist petals of warm breathing patting Lelouch's bare chest are accompanied by the light touch of Suzaku's fingertips as he roots himself deeper into the embrace in reply. Lelouch of course pets Suzaku's hair in return, letting the fickle mood of the night quietly fade into the background so that all that remains is just the two of them, on this bed, and nothing else. Lelouch feels lighter on the breeze of this state of mind as he reaches to switch his lamp off, feeling Suzaku loosely entangle their legs with his breathing quickly steadying to the slow pattern of slumber. When they are swathed in the ink of night he nuzzles his face into Suzaku's hair once he is settled in bed again, waiting for sleep to overpower his mind and its thoughts.
So Euphemia knows Suzaku is pregnant, what's the worst that could happen?
This chapter is sponsored by the following notes:
1- Pregnancy for Dummies is indeed a real book :B
2- I borrowed that "two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven" bit from the song Business Time by Flight of the Conchords.
While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
All works displayed here, whether pictorial or literary, are the property of their owners and not Adult-FanFiction.org. Opinions stated in profiles of users may not reflect the opinions or views of Adult-FanFiction.org or any of its owners, agents, or related entities.
Website Domain ©2002-2017 by Apollo. PHP scripting, CSS style sheets, Database layout & Original artwork ©2005-2017 C. Kennington. Restructured Database & Forum skins ©2007-2017 J. Salva. Images, coding, and any other potentially liftable content may not be used without express written permission from their respective creator(s). Thank you for visiting!
Powered by Fiction Portal 2.0
Modifications © Manta2g, DemonGoddess
Site Owner - Apollo