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Reviews for The Immortal War

By : darkAngel36
  • From ANON - Ekki on November 20, 2005
    Okay, this is sounding interesting, but there are things that can be improved. The first that jumped out at me (from your summary, specifically) is that you used an apostrophe with plurals. You don't need it; it's humans, not human's. It would be human's however, if you were saying something like, 'It was the human's toy,' talking about one person.

    Another thing is that it's abandoned houses, past tense. They'd already been abadoned, not in the process of being abandoned, if you get what I mean. Ocassionally, there's a wrong word here and there, but nothing too major.

    If you'd like me to beta some of your stuff, give me an email. Just keep in mind that for the next week and a half I have exams. XD;

    Good luck,
    Ekki.
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  • From ANON - Scorpinac on November 17, 2005
    Interesting tale, sir, very interesting. And in your characters age list I notice Meilin isn't there. Is she not going to be in this? I think she'd make a very cute vampiress. All in all, I look forward to the next installment. Laters.
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  • From ANON - Sarah jo on October 10, 2005
    I like this story alot. I love the way you described this world and what little we know of the political power at play in this time and place. Its an Interesting concept that goes wonderfully with your characters. (or at least in my opion) :)
    cant wait for the next installment
    peaches
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  • From ANON - Jessica on June 13, 2004
    hey! i just reade the 4th chapter. it was really good. aithough i am confused to who the girl was. and didn't u say that he didn't drink human blood! y the change? can u email me to answer my qousten?
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  • From ANON - Jessica on June 13, 2004
    hey! i just reade the 4th chapter. it was really good. aithough i am confused to who the girl was. and didn't u say that he didn't drink human blood! y the change? can u email me to answer my qousten?
    Report Review

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