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Reviews for Cafe Blues

By : SilverFoxfire
  • From KawaiiBabiii on April 05, 2008
    I like some parts of this story although a bit rushed in my opinion.

    And also, you got some parts of the japanese wrong. "Dai-chan no kawaii" literally means Dai-chan's cute. Which makes no sense. "Dai-chan wa kawaii" literally means Dai-chan is cute. ^^

    Hope that helps u.
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  • From ANON - Emi on June 07, 2004
    I liked and hateds, ts, to be honest. There were parts where I was like "This is -really- good," especially with the verbal exchanges between Hiro and Sakano. But a few points.

    1- Sakano's first name is Koji. Official first name.
    2- Drop the random japanese. It jars the reader to read all this English, then to have a random japanese word. Kami-sama and Daijobu desu could be written in english and not loose impact. On the same note, keep the honoritives [I know I spelled that wrong.. x.ecauecause they can give a feel to the story, especially if a character often uses them in the series. Some characters don't when they talk to their friends... Some do. It's quite polite.
    3- Get a beta-reader... if you haven't already. This has a lot of potential and I do like it, but the little errors are wearing on me.
    4- Go through your smut scene and see if you can make it less.... like formulated smut.
    5- Sakano's high-pitched moan? Have you watched the series? Sakano'sce ice isn't that high.... when he gets stressed, he gets a bit higher, but I doubt he would be moaning in a high-pitched tone. That one really made me twitch.

    But I liked it. Don't get me wrong.. this isn't a flame. There's just a lot of room for improvement.

    ~Emi
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  • From ANON - LadyMoon on February 24, 2004
    Nice fic. I hope to see more of your work soon. Ja ne! ^^
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