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Reviews for Control

By : Marlingrl
  • From ANON - Wow on February 14, 2005
    I am LOVING this fic! I haven't checked it in such a long time, and then I saw that you had updated...I have no idea what's going on with everyone else at AFF, but I for one think that this is a WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC, BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN fanfic, and I can't wait for more! Oh, but I kind of like Miyori and hope that things work out for her (I wouldn't mund Kenshin and her-Miss Kaoru gets on my daggone nerves most of the time)...PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!
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  • From ANON - Sephiress on February 12, 2005
    Chapter 4 review

    *claps* Much better with the transitions and paragraphing. The story seemed to flow much better now. There were still one or two places I could see for improvement, like the scene in which Misao and Aoshi randomly popped up. Perhaps a different form of entrance or something, but I'm not too worried because that's a difficult process at times. So good job with that.

    I also noticed that you no longer put more then one person's dialogue in one paragraph. I had seen that a few times in the last chapter, and hardley at all in here, so good job with that.

    And alas, the villian's motive is finally revealed! And our dear Ken has caught them in their watching. I can't wait to see what you do next and Ken/Miyori's reaction to their watching.

    Sephiress
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  • From ANON - Sinaline on February 11, 2005
    Trust me, you can keep on writing.
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  • From ANON - jodibetz on February 10, 2005
    will this ever have a chance of turning into a k&k? :) just asking...
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  • From ANON - L-Chan on February 10, 2005
    I don't really understand the point- during chapters 3-5, the plot hasn't really moved forward at all. Kaoru makes it home, but we are given no information on the people who took her away, and the excuses given by the masked man to Kenshin don't make sense- it seems like a pretty contrived situation. I guess they suffer from "Dr. Evil Syndrome" namely, unnecessarily complicating events.
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  • From ANON - lere on February 09, 2005
    Hey, I'm reading! But I must confess that I don't know what to think about the story. It still confuse me. I have some ideas (like they whant Kenshin and the girl to have a baby) but I don't know... And I don't see how Kenshin will sove this after. I think Kaoru would suffer but she would understand the situation in the end, but I think Kenshin would feel obligate to marry the girl or take care of her, and this would destroy Kaoru. And I still don't get the reasons way they didn't take Kaoru... O.O

    I'll wait for the next update to see more answers. Keep going because I'm very curious here!!!

    Big hugs from Brazil!

    Lere
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  • From Sephiress on January 03, 2005
    This fiction definatly has potential. I can see where you are going throughout the chapters and where you want to go, but there is one major thing you need in the story to make it clearer and easier to read.

    Transition, Transitions, Transitions.

    There are various points in your story where things don't seem to flow. Take for example the beginning of chapter 3. You start off with Kenshin begging forgiveness from Miyori, and her still raw and terrified from him raping her. However, two sentences later you have her angry at the people who put the dart in Kenshin. If you had placed another paragraph in between the two, perhaps explaining why Miyori suddenly understands and starts to forgive Ken, then everything would come out much smoother to the reader.

    One more thing, when a new person is talking, you need to start a new paragraph. It's not punctually correct to have a paragraph with more then one perosn speaking. (This applies to thoughts too)

    I like your plot idea. It's very creative and I can't say I've seen anything much like it.
    Keep up with it, I'd like to see where you go with this.

    Ja,
    Sephiress
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  • From ANON - lere on December 20, 2004
    OK. I'm trying to keep an open mind. This fic is different from others. The situation is very...odd. But the curiosity is overhelming. I just want to know what all this is about. Will Kenshin fall in love with the girl just because they have someo kind of forced sex? What about the feelings he heve for Kaoru? You showed this in the first chapter when he was thinking about her.

    How kaoru will reacte after learning about what happened? Will Kenshin take the girl as a wife because the honor thing???? I heve many questions and it's what keep me reading. Please, be a good author and keep going with the story, ok?

    Hugs from Brazil,
    Lere.
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  • From ANON - TaintedCrimsonTears on December 20, 2004
    Hey,
    Nice update. can't really understand whats going on with the dart thing. But it very origional and I think this story has a lot of room to develope. Thus far, its been very interesting and I can't wait for you to get more up. I shall be checking again shortly after Christmas! Lookin' good girl! ^_^
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  • From ANON - TaintedCrimsonTears on December 20, 2004
    WOW, this is amazing! You should check out my fanfictions and let me know what you think. Personally I think you have a wonderful way og portraying this. I would love to have some of your imput on my fanfics. WOW I don't know if I can wait untill the 30th! LOL wow...

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