Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Reviews for Whispers

By : EdensEpitaph

From LaNoinaa on August 26, 2009
Wow... This was beautifully written. Very few grammar mistakes, I would never have thought you were not a native English speaker! You have a wonderful way with words. I absolutely love this. Wonderful job!
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From MrMcBob on April 07, 2007
You're right; your grammar and spelling are both awful. However, the story was excellent. About your first a/n, though. You do realize this is an ADULT site, don't you? thus, there should be no 13-14 year-olds writing stories on it.
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From ANON - kookookitty on October 09, 2006
after reading a few of your stories, i have come to the conclusion that you have recieved too little recognition for your work and for an author of your caliber.

my mission: read all rk fics i find interesting... if an author has talent, if that author can paint emotions, worlds, and people with his/her words, i bookmark their profile page into a file labeled "MASTERS"... master artists... like: van gogh, monet, da vinci, rockwell, picasso, dali, matisse, o'keeffe, rubens, lautrec, etc... every one different, unique, amazing! you are now numbered among them.

sincerely,
ginny
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From ANON - Minna-chan on January 30, 2006
Wow, that was a great fic. Aside from a few spelling errors, (which are to be expected.) it was a perfect fanfiction. I really liked it. As for those who flame...dont even listen to them. They wouldnt know good writing if it came and bit them in the ass. Most people, native speaking or not mess up in the english language. It's the freakiest language I have yet to speak, and I was born with it. lol. Too many changes, so dont criticize yourself too harshly, if at all, and dont listen to people who flame. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more from you. You are an exceptionally talented author. Good Job!! ^_^

~Minna-chan
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From ANON - PunkeeMonkee on June 28, 2005
This...is...beautiful. I don't think there was a single error in this fanfic, and if I said so before, disregard it. I'd love to read anymore of your work; it's that good. Sayonara(and don't give up)!

PunkeeMonkee
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From Halogazer on June 10, 2005
This story is awesome. You put so much into it, and I can really tell every time I read it. I love the romance and slight comedy mixture; you use the components well. This is an excellent piece of work. Kudos to you, and I hope to read more from you soon!! ^__^
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From ANON - oracle_goddess on April 04, 2005
its a very sweet story. maybe not the best lemon, but it fills you WAFF. thats a compliment. =)
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From ANON - Sara on March 14, 2005
Actually, I think that story was wonderful! All I have to say is WOW! O_O LOL Don't let that *obviously* bad flamer get to you...you have a very good grasp of the English language, with very little mistakes! And even those of us who are native English speakers make mistakes! Most flamers just like to read a story and review it saying, "You suck!", or "the characters are OOC" *out of character* when they don't even know that much about them, etc. My second language is French, which I need to practice more...I haven't actually had the time to write any fanfics, but when I do...hopefully I'll come across more of your stories! ^___^
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From ANON - Anon on January 23, 2005
beautiful, just beautiful. awesome job, i would have never thought that u'r native tongue wasn't english (well maybe i should have, u right way better that i). lol. i totally agree w/ u on the flamer-thing. if ur gonna flame let it be construtive, and on the work, not the person. it's not their fault you read it.
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From ANON - Ginko on January 22, 2005
I'm going to do my best to give you a thoughtful and constructive review. The story was wonderful. There were several parts that gave me tingles. Kenshin's dialogue was superb. You gave him these amazing one-liners that, with the help of your excellent description and diction, made butterflies flutter in my stomache. I realize that's an odd and slightly cheesy explanation, but I think it's the best way of conveying my reaction without getting too poetic. Concerning your grammar, admittedly there were a few problems, but only a few. I'm actually very impressed with the level at which you're writing. I study writing and foreign languages so I know how hard it is to learn to speak fluently. There are little stylistic techniques and contextual meanings that you just don't learn unless you're completely immersed within the culture. However, to be perfectly honest, I think you've made a wise decision in ignoring other people's complaints about your grammar. It's obviously leagues better than a lot of other authors... despite the fact that English is their first language. I tutor people in writing, and I work as an editor. Believe me; I've seen some truling appalling work.

However, some of the spelling errors were a bit distracting. I don't blame you for this at all, and I'm definitely not criticizing you. I'm sure I've made a few typos in this review, typos that I will not hunt down and correct. Instead, I'm just going to point out a few words for future reference. I'll use the following format: misspelled word=correctly spelled word. Taunt=taut. The word "taunt" means to tease or insult, while "taut" could be used to describes Kenshin's skin. Lob=lobe. Lob is actually a verb that means to toss or throw. Lobe is the part of the ear that Kenshin would want to nibble on. At first I thought that you just made a couple typing errors, but then I noticed that you had spelled each of them incorrectly more than once. I really hope you aren't offended by me pointing this out to you. I'm just trying to be helpful.

Okay, I'm sick of discussing inconsequential details. Let's actually talk about the story, which I feel is something that not enough reviewers do. Your descriptions are wonderful and you have an excellent vocabulary. One phrase that I really liked was "a dozen seconds later." Using the word dozen makes the sentence richer and more interesting. Your opening was beautiful but a bit overboard; I became bored with some of the description, which seemed borderline redundant. I realize you were setting the mood for your story, but you did a much better job of this once Kenshin was introduced. Basically, all I'm saying is that the beginning lost my interest.

A part that deserves a lot of praise is the scene you create when Kenshin first lays eyes on Kaoru. The way the lightning illuminates her just long enough for him to catch an erotic glimpse, his reaction to her actions, the building of tension with each time he sees... it was all amazing. I believe that you said that you were centering the plot on the reactions of the characters. In that respect, you definitely succeeded. All of the events were so vivid; I could see the whole story unfolding in my mind. Your attention to detail is wonderful.

I especially love the way you're able to make a seemingly simple plot come alive with your talents in characterization; Kenshin was expressed superbly. Kaoru didn't show as much depth, but that's not a flaw in the story. The plot was built around Kenshin, and besides, Kaoru was caught up in a passionate frenzy. However, you did give her dimension by dealing with the notion of worthiness.

This review has become a lot longer than I intended. I hope that it helps in some way, even though I had only a couple minor criticisms. At the very least, my praise tells you what you're doing right. All in all, excellent fic. I vastly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more of your work.
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From ANON - TG on January 21, 2005
First Rurouni Kenshin fic I have ever read...and it was well-worth the two hours it took me to get through it! Characterization was amazing, dialect was amazing, LEMON WAS AMAZING! I am probably one of the most picky readers on the entire planet. Literally...if I don't like the summary or see mistakes in the title, I skip on to the next selection.

Your potential is enormous, never let anyone tell you otherwise. As for any of the errors the "Lady" below pointed out, they are commonplace that anyone can make (not to mention there were several mistakes in her spelling and grammar as well ;) Flame-haters unite! Hmm...perhaps I should correct her review as she so cruelly did to your story...) Anyway, I myself am a native English writer - yet it took me until HIGH SCHOOL to finally grasp that "its" is possessive and "it's" means "it is!" My closest friend is a second-language speaker like yourself, but the imagination and diction that she uses in composing her stories never fail to make mine pale in comparison. For some reason, however, I have noted that non-unilingual authors seem to be more critical of themselves than natural-taught writers. Perhaps this is simply American/British arrogance coming into play, but I think that whenever you down-size your abilities you scrape just one more notch off in how far you can go with your talents. Believe in yourself, you will be an amazing writer one day, of that I can already be certain!

As for the samurai piece, it is perfectly logical to assume that Kenshin may very well be one (even if it is untrue, something I am uncertain of because I have only just recently begun delving into the manga and anime). The time and place of Kenshin's story aligns with the period of the samurai in Japan (as one can see in the movie, The Last Samurai, where the warriors still existed - while sparsely - in the countryside until even after America's Civil War). Therefore, it is not nearly a big deal that you titled him as such since almost NOBODY really cares! Pick up any heartily-published historical romance novel and you will be able to pick out countless inconsistencies or errors about the period; making such mistakes is our duty as human beings!

All in all, I absolutely loved your fic. There are few such stories than can actually capture my attention and affection well enough to make me want to leave a comment (especially since I have offered fewer than 10 reviews in the 3 years I have been involved in fanfiction). If a Beta reader is what you decide you need, if only to rid yourself of nuisances such as those of the reviewer afore-mentioned, please don't hesitate to email me! I would be honored to get a sneak-peek into that head of yours for your next work! Cheer up and don some flame-repellent, jealous critics always abound! *nods*
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From ANON - poohdow on January 20, 2005
I really like your stories! English is my only language and I could never write as well as you do even if I tried really hard. Don't listen to any bad reviews- they do not know what they are talking about . I look forward to reading more...
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From ANON - Sephiress on January 12, 2005
Brilliant...

I can do nothing but bow and applaude.
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From ANON - mz.amber eyes on January 12, 2005
ughh.. don't you hate that? i swear, some people are such sniveling self-righteous cowards. i bet they left themselves anonymous in the flame they sent you, right? i feel for you, i also hate it. people like that should say it to your face.

anyways, loved the fic. was sexy, was sweet, and was wayyy worth my time ^__^.
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From ANON - De Lazy Lady Lime on January 12, 2005
Aloha!

READ THESE SENTENCES VERY CAREFULLY!!

This is meant to help you become a better writer. Even though you are not a native english speaker it is a poor excuse. Esspecially when you can write and comprehend on this level. I noticed just from reading your Authors notes that you DO have quite a wide understanding of the English language. I know you said that you don't have that great an understanding of the English language but I think you degrade you self by saying that. I believe that you are a very smart person. In my opinion you have a very good grasp of grammar. Don't say you don't know grammar! If you want to learn more proper grammar there are internet dictionaries and plenty of online grammar books. You are capable of so much more!! Don't stop now when you are so close to achieving what many native speaking Americans will never have. The ability to write. Not only the ability to write but to write good stories that reach on an intelectual level!!

"To avoid Criticism, Say Nothing. Do Nothing. Be Nothing."- A great quote but I can't remember who wrote it o_O? It was probably philosopher who's first language was not english.

I do understand that you are human and humans make mistakes. I understand that writing a fanfiction can be tedious work but, have you considered looking for a beta reader? A Beta reader is some one who will read your story and help you edit out alot of mistakes? Mistakes such as the ones I have listed for you...

She uttered a strangled cry, surprised by the pleasure he was giving her and she felt the red head chortle, conveying a tender smile to her face. Kaoru lashed languorous attention at his left hear, her hands wondering freely over his bare back, circling around his waist and taking hold of the piece of white linen that kept his hakama in place

Look up the word langourous in the dictionary http://www.M-W.com

They slid over her counters? , following the soft curves, gripping her flesh here and there as if the man was trying to gain some sort of support.

His fingers touched her core, toke? her by surprise and made her cry.

It did brought more of the tingling to spread from her pelvis to delude in her blood, drugging her mind with blissful sensations.

It, however, stretched her muscles in an odd way, not unpleasant but not comfortable either, but to reach the pike of the wonderful experience, she was willing to feel sore the morning after.

Suddenly, his hand grip her elbows and pushed both of her arms away from him, his hands gliding over her skin to twin? with her own, almost pinning them above her head, his hold too gentle though to be overpowering and she felt she could free herself at will.

He drank her surprised yelp, the sound making her chest tremors and he stood stile , opening his deep violet eyes to discover stunned indigo orbs staring at him.

�K� Kaoru�� He and touched her cheek gently to gain her complete attention.

Feeling the climax becoming was torture, a craved torture, a sweet one, only a step away from that instant when love became physical and not just spiritual.

I also have an issue with how you called Kenshin a Samurai. Kenshin is not, was not, and never could have been a samurai. Kenshin was a Swordsmen, obviously, but he was an assasin for a rebel group of people we know to be the Inshinshishi, their ranks were mainly composed of farmers. The Samurai were a class of people. You could easily say that calling Kenshin a Samurai is an insult to his cause. Afterall if he was born into a Samurai family do you think he would have taken up arms agains the Shogunate?

I sincerely hope that you do not find this review to be the least bit insulting as it was NOT meant to be. You are a wonderful writer! Don't give up and learn all that you can! It's better to learn the correct way to do things than to flounder in error. When all else fails read the directions. Keep writting!!

~De Lazy Lady Lime

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