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Reviews for The Unexpected

By : DeadlyDiva

From ANON - shuiede on September 13, 2005
Yay! You have updated!!!! Thank God! (smiles). Keep on coming.
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From ANON - Misa on August 01, 2005
Nice...I want to know what happens next, please continue your great work again some time soon!!! ^+^ tee hee hee, keep it up, I'm rooting for ya!
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From ANON - shuiede on July 31, 2005
As always, I like your story no matter what. It seems that Aoshi is somewhat involve with Kaoru in your second chapter. I wonder why. It's pretty awkward but as long as you make some 'interesting twist' in your story - never leaving us yawning - I'll be eagerly waiting. hmm....I have to wait. *grunts*
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From ANON - Firuze on July 31, 2005
Now, I know that this fanon of Enishi beating women up has been circulating since at least a couple of years ago. However, I cannot stress enough that this nothing but a fanon without *any* basis in the manga canon, and I cannot but wonder why people keep using something that is so blatantly OOC.
Let me elaborate. In the manga is *clearly* stated that Enishi cannot harm women. That�s the reason why he used a doll to replace Kaoru, instead of killing her as would have been more practical and logical. Then, when he tries to harm her, he collapses in the floor as a trembling heap.

As you haven�t changed the tragic ending of Tomoe, and the trauma that her death caused in him, you cannot change the consequences of this, namely he being unable to harm women. (and what�s Tomoe�s fault? Dying alone is not something to be blamed about, really, as to cause one�s brother to be violent with women. I ask, since Misao blames Tomoe about Enishi�s violent temper)

If you had changed this, you should also have to come up with a convincing reason of why he is a woman beater. Just because he can have a strong temper that doesn�t mean he is a woman beater. Or just because he can be associated with crime, this doesn�t mean he can be a domestic abuser. Domestic violence is a very complicated issue that you should read about before drawing quick parallels or use it as a plot device. It needs reasons; it needs roots, beyond Tomoe�s death, like abuse during childhood, etc. Most domestic abusers have been abused during childhood. It�s an statistical fact.

So, now that we have cleared that Enishi *cannot* react as you have depicted him here, manga wise, let me suggest how he *would* react. Being the possessive jealous guy he is, he surely would not react well to see his woman in display for a male clientele. In first place, he would not tolerate her working there at all, be as barmaid or as a dancer. He would request a change of job. She can refuse, but then again, she can face consequences (not physically violent, at least on her.) If he sees any particular leering man, he might wait him outside and beat him to a pulp, forcing her either to watch or showing his work afterwards. He was bent on killing Kenshin, when he was a kid as much as during Jinchuu, however, he was careful to leave women aside, out of the harm path. But in Kaoru�s case, he wanted her to see the death of Kenshin, IMO, as much as he saw his sister�s death.

Back to Misao and Enishi, he could get her fired, time and time again, until she finds a job at his entire satisfaction. He would manipulate things, but he wouldn�t harm her directly. He is possessive, and he can be to the point of sheer asphyxiation, but he would not hurt intentionally the one he loves (or thinks he loves). So he�d use pressure, blackmail, tantrums, fights, but not physical violence. He simply can�t, and besides, he is the best `player in mind games. Remember that his mind games almost destroy Kenshin, who is VERY good himself at psyching enemies. Why would eh resort to violence against her? There is no reason. Is he jealous? He would cut the first guy on sight, but won�t touch her, less against her will. Part of his happiness depends on his beloved�s happiness, so he�d do anything in his power to make his beloved happy, at least what he thinks it�s his beloved�s happiness, which in fact can be asphyxiating for the poor girl. That�s the right angle to deal with him, not as a violent woman abuser, but as a suffocating guy.

Misao is a free bird, she obviously wouldn�t feel comfortable and would try to fly away. But you also have to remember that she is not a weakling. She�d never relent before an abusive guy. It�s not her style, she would fight back. Please, please, please, read the manga!! An abuser would last like 2 seconds with her.

As about Aoshi, I feel the same than with Misao and Enishi. I cannot help but think that you don�t have a good grasp on the original characters� cores. Yes, I find them OOC. I know, this is your fic you write them as you want. However, you have to keep present that some people like me dislikes blatant OOCness, and they will point it out.

When I read fanfiction, I expect to read about the *same* characters I read in the manga, in different situations, different environments, but being *them*, being the characters that they distinctly are. Authors have the right to do some interpretation of the characters *to certain extent*, but interpretation doesn�t mean change them into unrecognizable aliens disguised as my favorite characters. Take your time, read the manga and study the personalities. Use them. Exploit them. But NEVER CHANGE THEM. This is SO basic in fanfiction writing that it shouldn't be argued about at all.
OCC is a BAD thing, its a SIN in fanfiction, and there is NO excuse to write OOC. None at all.

I know people tend to think that AU gives an automatic license to kill the characters personalities, and do with them whatever they want. It�s not so. AU means to put the characters in places or story lines that could not be tied to the Original Universe. It means put them in situation/places that don't belong to the original Universe, but you *still* have the obligation to keep the characters *IN CHARACTER*. To exemplify what I mean, those fics where Kenshin is the rich brat, a jock in the school, or Kaoru falls for Battousai, etc, are INSANELY OOC. This is not Kenshin, this is not Kaoru, whatever the writer's excuse, no matter the sheer numbers of reviews some very well written, yet stiil OOC, fics got (I have an interesting analogy to this: A million flies eat crap, that doesn't make crap good per se, right? So loads of reviews don't move me at all. In fact, they make me question the quality of the said fic)

There is no point in reading fanfiction at all, if the only links with the characters of the series are names and physical appearances. Let me put it this way, a good writer treats the creatures in his/her universe (be her/his own creations or somebody else's) as real persons, s/he gives them a personality (or uses the one given by the original author), s/he gives the (or uses the given) flaws, etc, etc.
This is what I mean, you should think of the characters, be borrowed ones or your own, as being real persons. Real persons don�t change basic traits. A shy person is shy, from the cradle to the grave. S/he can learn to be more or less sociable given time, but the basic shyness won�t be erased. A hot headed person can�t become a restrained one overnight. The element of his/her nature�s volubility will be always present, more or less subdued, but never erased. Look around at the persons you know, and you�ll realize what I mean.

So if you take a character X with a feisty temper, you cannot make him/her subdues just because it suits your plot. Your plot has to suit his/her personality, this is, you have to find a way in which s/he would behave believably, in your circumstances. This means, you never can bend the characters personalities to suit your story. This is also valid for an original fiction with original characters, otherwise, your characters will start to lose believability and become inconsistent and incoherent, until you�ll find yourself cornered with your own plot.

I hope you understand my goal. I�m not trying to discourage you, I�m not flaming you, I�m just giving constructive criticism, with the hope it helps you to improve.
Good luck with your projects and may inspiration be with you.

PS: As I know some people will disagree, and tell me to shut up and click the back button if I don�t like some stuff, I have some news form you: from the moment people post in internet, s/he is entitled to receive good and not so good feedback. Learning from critiques might help to become better. I know I have been benefited from other people�s opinion. And as for those who might think I should stick to reading the manga if I want the original characters, and leave the fanfiction writers alone, I�m sorry, I think that a fanfiction writer HAS to stick to canon, and it�s a view I will thoroughly defend (in fact, it�s been years that I do it).

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From ANON - rikku on July 26, 2005
ok i like the story, and i can't wat for u to update it. although i kno what's going to happen next cuz i read the first 4 chap on ff.net. but this story should be a little different cuz it's n this site i assume. anyway update soon^_*
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From ANON - shuiede on July 22, 2005
this is so good! update soon!
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From ANON - PRoyalAngel on July 18, 2005
Sexy. Which pairing is it going to be? Hope u continue on with this fic i luv it.

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