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Reviews for Truly,Madly,Deeply

By : befanini
  • From ANON - Meirisa on February 12, 2006
    Dammit, sweetums.
    XD
    I can't see ANYBODY calling Sanzo 'sweetums'
    MAN that is funny...
    _melissa
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  • From ANON - fuzzybunnytoo on November 04, 2005
    Freekin' halarious
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  • From ANON - Jamie on July 28, 2005
    Sorry, the double post was an accident! Go ahead and ignore the first one. *Smiles*
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  • From ANON - Jamie on July 28, 2005
    Okay, let me see. You have an excellent sense of humor and a good imagination, but most of your characters are very OOC. I'm a writer myself, so I can appreciate how hard it is to use someone elses characters and pull it off so they sound right, but there are certain limits to how far- and how often- you can go out of bounds. I've crossed them occasionally, lol, and gotten my ass kicked for it by flamers who wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Just that 'I sucked and do I even know what Saiyuki is?' Lol. Nitwits.

    Details. Okay, lets start with Sanzo. You have him in-bounds of his characterization about 25% of the time, but the rest of him is, well, I really can't think of a word that wouldn't insult you, lol. I hate it when people insult your writing, don't you? You work so hard, but you still get jerks who tell you you suck ass without telling you why. That's not what I'm doing. You're a good writer, you ARE, you just need to work on the characterizations a bit. They're frustrating, I know, but it pays off in the end.

    Okay, back to Sanzo, lol. To be short, you need to make him more reserved. Not shy. No, DEFINETELY not shy, lol! Just a bit quiter and private. And more violent, lol. I can't remember seeing the gun in any of these stories. Props for writing so much, offhand. :) Anyway. Lol. I can't really imagine him being so open about affection to Gojyo after losing his Master so young, can you? He lost all he cared for when he was 13 years old. That can't be easy to come back from. I'm not saying make him a cold, selfish bastard... Okay, maybe I am, lol, but not that cold, anyway. You've seen him on TV or in the manga. (Whichever, lol.) Just overall standoffish. Make Gojyo have to work a little more to get some affection.

    On to Gojyo. Okay, he's more in character than Sanzo, but he's still out of character. You're making him far too submissive in a lot of these. It's hot, lol, but it's not him. I have no complaints about the affectionate part, but you do need to make him slightly more dominant. Roles in sex do not equate to roles in life, lol. Other tahn that, I would have to go back and read them again to pick out more specifics. Lol.

    Hakkai I have few complaints for. Just one, for the most part, lol. I don't doubt for a just make him a little more understated.

    Goku, Yaone, and Lirin all seem to be in character to me. Except Goku in Man To Man. He's a bit too mature in that one, lol. Other than that, no complaints for these guys. Nice job. :)

    Dokugakuji seems a little off to me. A bit too womanly for my tastes, but this may just be me. Kougaiji has the same problem every once in awhile, but for the most part, he's fine. Nii? No complaints! Lol.

    Just one more. Hakuryuu. He IS male, you know. Lol. Ask anyone on the board. You made him hilarious by the way, heh.

    That's really it. I wouldn't know about Hazel and Gato, and I'm not going to pretend I do.

    Overall you're an excellent writer with a rockin' sense of humor and an awesome imagination. It's just the characters. You do have them in character a good bit of the time, just not quite enough. Really, I don't want to bring you down. I don't. I HATE doing that. You're stories are good, your plots are hilarious, and the wording KILLS. It's just the characters. May I give you a last tip? Try to imagine the character saying it in their own voice. If you can't do it, they probably wouldn't say it. *Smiles* It helps me a lot, and I can see it helping you, too.

    I know what you're thinking. 'Bitch.' Right? Lol. I don't like being mean, and I don't want to come off as mean. I want to help. I wrote this to help you, not to make you feel bad. I hope I didn't come off as mean. Good luck with your future writing, ne? Ja ne. :)
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  • From ANON - Jamie on July 28, 2005
    Okay. Let me see. While your descriptions are very good and you have an awesome sense of humor, most of your characters are very OOC. I'm a writer too, so I appreciate how hard it is to get characterizations right, but there is a limit to how OOC you can go. Take Gojyo and Sanzo for example. In all honestly, they are the most out of character I've seen yet. And I've read most of the fics on this board, as well as on FF.net.

    Details. Okay, Sanzo. look, honestly, it's hard to pin down, but you need to make him more reserved and short-tempered. And a little less open about affection. Really, Sanzo is a private, rather violent at times man. You have him right about 25% of the time, but the rest of time needs work. Re-read things, see if they sound in character to you. Trust me, I've had to do it a lot. :) Had to read one of my stories five times before I got him right, lol.

    You're probably getting mad, huh? I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean. I just want to give you some advice. Humor me for a bit longer, okay?
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