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Reviews for Heaven on Earth

By : DemonicMayhem
  • From grimbitter on January 25, 2008
    Please - PLEASE - put the thesaurus down. When prose gets this flowery, it stops being a joy to read and becomes a trial. Keep it simple - show, don't tell - and don't be afraid to repeat words. His hair is red. It doesn't have to be vermilion in the next sentence and glowing embers in the next. Really.
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  • From Dvana on September 27, 2005
    very nice work here. I'm quite the Hakkai fan, so this was nice.
    One piece of advice; your voice throughout this is very passive. You use verbs of being quite often, even when a more "active" verb would be appropriate. ^^ Using more action verbs and shortening your sentances a little will change your writing quite a lot, give it that sense of passion and immediacy that all good erotic fiction has. Otherwise a wonderfully written piece. ^^ Good luck.
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  • From SinfulBlessing on September 25, 2005
    OMG. That was really really cute! Youre a really good writer! ^^
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  • From ANON - SheWolf on September 11, 2005
    I love your fanfiction. You use the characters so well. By the way, the GojyoXHakkai paring was always my favorite. Keep up the fantastic fanfiction work!
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  • From ANON - letainajup on September 05, 2005
    tee-hee! That is hot! I like how you kept hakkai's and gojyo's characteristics >_
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  • From ANON - Oboro on August 27, 2005
    Hey, great fic!! This is actually the first Saiyuki fanfiction I've ever read, actually, and I thought it was excellent. Your writing is very descriptive and poetic, and your choice of words to describe certain things is beautiful. The last paragraph was great too; it really wrapped it up and left me with a warm and fuzzy feeling. Very romantic. I loved reading it, and thought it was super, super hot!! Again, great work, and can't wait for chapter two!!
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  • From ANON - animepsychogal on August 26, 2005
    WOW!! *droolsnifflecryslurp* I loved that story so much!! It was so well written and just so beautiful!! Thank you so much!! Please write more!! I love your style and I love this pairing and you do it such justice!! It was simply... Heaven on Earth... ^_~
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  • From PyTerato on August 24, 2005
    Oh my god... I really am at a loss for words, and that's a first. But I'm sure I'll think of something to say anyway.

    I've been reading fan fictions for years now, but this is the first Saiyuki fic I've ventured into. I cannot say enough about how well it is written. All the senses necessary are present to give it that personal feel for any reader. Hakkai and Gojyo are perfectly in Character. To tell you the truth, I've never really thought of Hakkai as sexy, but... Well, now I do! Each action is detailed with the utmost care, making the whole scene come alive. The shift from one percpective to another, was done quite well, and simply made it easier to get both views in the situation, and also managed to make it all that much hotter.

    I'll certainly be looking out for more from you in the future. Well done, and keep writing.

    ~C~
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  • From Siarra on August 22, 2005
    It's been a while since I've read this good Gojyo/Hakkai fics. This story is simply wonderful. In itself it doesn't really differ from the dozens of others out there but the way you wrote it is great. It's a sheer pleasure to read since every line is clearly well thought out. Unfortunately there were some misspellings and the constant use of "he" gets a bit confusing at times since you switch the POVs, which mostly works nicely. I wasn't bothered by it, I quite thought it was well written and the lines blurred enough to give it a beautiful, dream-like feel but some might be thrown off the track. Your characterization is also lovely and rather accurate; they had very good depth to them while still refraining from mulling over unnecessary things. I also love the way you described everything, portraying even the slightest details and giving the story such a great ambience.
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  • From ANON - Jamie on August 22, 2005
    ...I. LOVED it, lol! All the 'he's' are a little confusing if you pause while you're reading it, but it's damn GOOD! Excellent work!
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