Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Reviews for Distraction

By : LadyPentagram

From ANON - Red on July 16, 2012
Oh my god.... Just because they are demons doesn't mean they're anatomically different... Poor Hakkai.
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From Vioven on July 25, 2009
Wow, this is like chumming. These people smell blood and want some action! It's pitiful.

What's said is said, going over the lines over and over again make for very poor reviews.

Not to mention ignorant ones as well. Considering that the act described in your fic is not only possible but happens often with certain individuals.

You people have access to the internet and don't know this, ready to stone the girl for her fic...on AFF. Do you guys know where you are? Would you like me to point you to the exit? I'd be happy to oblige. Cause this is overkill, for no good reason either. And the worst part about it is that you guys don't know what the fuck you're talking about, it's nigh sinful!

Yes, urethra play is quite possible. Do yourselves a favor before you squawk about something that CAN'T be done and google "kids in a sandbox"

Also, look up Sounding while you're at it. You should also apologize to the author for your stupid, and next time, just keep it to yourselves.

Author: Put a warning in the summary. Also, the way you wrote it just doesn't come off right for the subject. It sounds more like you replaced penis with vagina, they're not interchangeable. But honestly this fic is in the right place, people are just fucking stupid.

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From blueblankethysteria on July 03, 2008
...Well. That was certainly... interesting.

The Internet is a terrifying place, and has proven that on one count, most of your flames are wrong: this IS possible. But. BUT. We're talking YEARS of preparation and agonizing pain above and beyond masochistic tendencies. Yikes. This fic can turn on two groups of people: underage girls who don't know how mansex works, and the people that get off on urethral torture. The rest of us are clutching at our reproductive organs in /pain/, not enjoyment.

As for not wanting negative feedback, well, that makes you a poor author. You have to be willing to accept concrit, and even if you got it because the reader misunderstood or they're just plain wrong, you use it to improve anyway. If you don't want criticism and you aren't getting praise, take it off the Internet. That's all it takes.
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From Saka on June 15, 2008
Ok so I'm sorry if this sounds rude but- oh my god! What the heck. I mean yeah sure they're demons I'll give you that but hey they still hurt! If you don't believe me watch the show or read the manga- they bleed and hurt. Even if they can stand more, I think this would be out of their comfort level. Hell I think BDSM freaks would be screaming the safe word as soon as someone tried to push a finger in there.

I mean I feel that poor Hakkai will pass out, so maybe it will be a good time for Gojyo, but I really don't think anyone else will have a fun time- not even Sanzo and Goku when they realize that Hakkai is passed out from the pain for a long time.

Even if you do argue that they are demons there just is the impossibleness of it. I'm sorry if I sound cruel, I just thought you should know that this is not how it should be done. Not every yaoi has to have one inside of another- if you don't feel safe doing anal then you can always just skip the whole 'thrusting into another person' part and find a different way to do the lemon.

~IceAngel~
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From LadyShadowflame on May 11, 2008
*ahem* Nobody except you will probably see this review, because you're screening them. But I'll tell you anyway.
Gay sex does not work that way. Male genitalia does not work that way. The urethra (yes, that hole in a penis and the tube within) cannot, in fact, fit another penis.
I don't care if they're demons. Especially since I think they had humanesque genitals before you got to them. Plus, the 'liking pain' thing would make much more sense if you actually wrote it as being painful. Which, you know, it should be. A lot. But you didn't. You wrote it all pleasure and joy.
Penis does not=vagina. Please to be having a little more anatomy knowledge.
Props for lube, though. I suggest next time you have it directed towards their backsides, which would be less bizarre.
Incidentally, if you are so sensitive to criticism, why are you posting fics online? You're opening them up for anyone to see and comment on. Perhaps you should write for your own benefit for a while, maybe read some realistic things, then get some more experience up. That way, you might also have more confidence.
Am I mean? You decide. From my perspective, however, I'm giving you advice that I hope will help.
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From Tiburona on January 26, 2008
D: D: D: D: D: SEX DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY, HOLY SHIT
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From Auska on October 25, 2007
Yeah, um, have you ever read any Yaoi or seen any movies or series on it? If you haven't, I suggest you do. After all, you can only get better if you take in what we say and try to spite us by doing better.

~*Peace*~

^^ Auska.
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From aden983 on September 11, 2007
ummm... wow... you do know that for men to have sex is penis in the ass right? not penis in the penis?
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From Perntime on July 19, 2007
I don't know how you expect anyone to take this seriously when you don't even write a remotely logical sex scene. If they are different then normal people then you need to take pains to explain how and not just expect your reader to go with it. It's lazy and it doesn't work.
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From on June 09, 2007
i loved the story unlike some people just remember that the penis goes into the ass not the others penis over all it was a good story it distacted me enough that i didn't even realise that you had both men screwing their penis's together.
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From SoraLostSoul on April 07, 2007
I don't know who taught you about gay man sex.....but they were wrong....and this killed a part of my soul. It was horrible, even the writing sucked.

I don't know why you felt the need to punish this fandom as such....but please just stop.
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From ANON - kura on January 13, 2007
i don't mean to be harsh but you need to really research the way men have sex - there is no way that you're sex scene is anatomically possible demons or not, i've read some bad fics but this one takes the biscuit when gojyo asked where he was going in i thought you meant in the mouth for oral sex as mentioned in your summery - but as soon as you put gojyo's finger plunging into hakkai's dick i had visions of blood everywhere and hakkai blasting him. A penis is solid there is a small opening in the tip but it certainly isn't big enough to put a finger inside never mind another dick - especially as there is a waiting hole that would be the easiest way for gojyo to enter.
Before writing another story you really have to do you're research on male/male sex otherwise you'll just get more bad reviews.
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From ANON - nimblnymph on January 11, 2007
Ooo...lordy lord. Where do I even start?

OKay, let's start with the writing aspect since my brain is still trying to wrap itself around the whole sex scene. The writing itself is not bad. With the dialogue, I could actually hear the characters saying that. So, good on you for that. However, this really could have used some filling out. It seems a little incomplete in a way. What I've suggested to toher authors is to describe useless shit. Describe the room, character actions, weather... all of it basically useless to the actual plot, but effective in creating atmosphere as well as making it seem fuller. Movies work well with a dialogue format because we can SEE the effects and such with our own eyes. As a writer, it's up to you to use words and description to paint the picture for the readers. Something so simple as : "Gojyo flashed his usual impish grin and sank to the dented mattress beside his friend, ignoring how the springs creaked in protest as they tried to stab into his thigh through the material." See what I mean? Not only do we get more of Gojyo's personality, but we get an idea that the room is kinda seedy, too.

Now, the sex... *sighs* You're probably extremely sick of hearing this, but it did little to turn me on. I love BDSM. I love being in control, and I love being controled of. I'm a a kinky soul who enjoys some pain mixed in with the pleasure, but this... If one of my male partners asked me to stick my finger anywhere except in his ass or in his mouth, I probably would have walked out and left him hand cuffed and panting to the bed. There have been some not-so-kind reviews stating this, and then there are others who actually referrence both the character's creator AND medical text on the subject matter. I appreciate the fact tha you're trying something different with the whole m/m sex... but this made me nearly fall out of my chair, and not because I had to go take a cold shower. Penis-in-penis sex scares me, and I'm almost NEVER afraid of anything new in the bedroom.

I understand if you're young and inexperienced in this department. You know where everything goes when a guy and girl get frisky and therefore assume that the same is true for men. However, I doubt very much that you're of legal age to be here then. Even an 18-year-old virgin who's never seen a penis has heard about sex or taken anatomy classes and understood the basic concepts of sex. I find it impossible to believe that you flunked anatomy to the point where you can't tell that a penis doesn't belong in another penis. I can understand flunking on inner anatomy (like the difference between kidneys and liver and such) but the outer construction??? I'm sorry, I can't accept that.

You CAN keep writing. I was rather infuriated myself when I read people telling you not to anymore. Don't ever stop writing what you want to. Just do a little research and brush up on your technique, okay? Also, please try and listen to the people who are giving constructive criticism. Not everyone who doesn't like what you wrote is a flamer. They offer advice because they were once as inexperienced as yourself, and are only trying to help. It's not fair to lump them with the people who only write "u suk" and leave nothing else. If you want a good beta, I'd gladly give you a hand. It also wouldn't be a bad idea to read some of the other stories on this site to see how everyone else writes. I'm not saying copy their style or anything, but it'll at least help with the sex scenes. I personally recommend Iron Dog as one to look up, okay?
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From GraceMusica on January 05, 2007
I read this story (and reviewed it) on FF.N, and I tried my hardest to make sure it was constrctive criticism and not a flame. If you felt it was one, I apologize.

My newest suggestion is if you are going to make such a claim about Gojyo and Hakkai (meaning that demon anatomy is different and can handle such 'intercourse'), you should definately not only label this as an AU AND warn people about it beforehand. Part of me thinks you just wrote this for the 'shock factor'.

I think you are a talented author and you will go far with your fanfiction.

If you would like to discuss this further offboard, feel free to email me anytime.
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From ANON - who I am on January 01, 2007
Either you know nothing about homosexual sex, or youki are built differently than humans. Men do not enter men in their penis but their anus! You've written that Gojyo entered Hakkai's member with his own! He'd have split Hakkai's dick in so many pieces it'd look like an exploded firework!
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