Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Reviews for The Flaw

By : Libelle

From ANON - trixon on July 27, 2012
I love that fanfiction !!!!!!! And Daryl is my favourite character in ANK fanfictions , I always looking for story where Daryl is appear so that is PERFECT .. please keep going :D

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From Viktoria on September 13, 2009
I really love this story! Daryl is so beautiful and compassionate and I love that Katze is feeling himself again.absolutely fantastic so far- dieing to find out what happens next
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From ANON - Hestia on January 13, 2007
Hi! I like the story so far. The only "flaw" I noticed was Katze eating a lot when having been straving--I heard that a body that hasn't had food for a while usually won't digest well and you have to build back up--sort of like how vegitarians get sick if they eat meat since the body can no longer digest food. Anyway, I really don't care that you have Katze eating a lot--I like the idea of him getting better fast. As for the writing, I think you are too hard on yourself. I teach composition at a community college--I teach a lot of remedial writing, so to me the writing read well. I wasn't reading for errors, but I didn't notice at wrong words or run-ons, etc. which you get in some of the writing on AFF. It's hard to edit your own work anyway since you tend to read for content--it seems like whenever I reread a chapter of mine I always catch at least one more error. Anyway, this seems like a good continuation of the story--I was so upset at the unhappy ending, so I'll be happy if at least Daryll and Katze find some happiness! I'm curious to see what's up with Raoul and why he wants a harem. I hope you continue this! Thanks for posting!
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From ANON - kiba on December 13, 2006
I like your story - I'm a Katze-Fan. I especially like your Daryl. The original Daryl presented always a problem to me because the character of the radio-drama doesn't fit to the picture of the anime. I prefer the radio-drama-Daryl and your character design is close to it's.
Please take yourself all the time you need write the story - it is worth waiting.
(I wish I could help you with a Beta but I have the same problem. )
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From ANON - GypsyWillow on November 20, 2006
Hey you're finally back and updating, I was beginning to worry that you had given up and abandoned us glad to see that's not the case.
Thank you for responding to my review it's nice to have an idea of what you think of the relationships between the different classes, it helps gives me an idea of where you're coming from and perhaps what I can expect from the story.
Anyway I can't wait to see what's going to happen now I'm even more curious about what's going on with the pets.
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From ANON - Lena on November 20, 2006
Heh, I might review your story even ten and more times if that's what it takes to support it. ;-) So, I just wanted to say that you keep the level and I'm tremendously glad that you continue (I was already starting to worry that you quit). Good that we got the corrected version this time, it helps a lot. (You might wonder why some people pick on your grammar while they don't pick on some other, definitely worse written stories. For me, I do it because I think for those stories there is no hope, so there's not even a point to pick on anything about them. Your story is good and it only takes a little to make it even better.)
You asked about Emporium as a place for the pet show. I'm not sure if you are aware that this particular place is not canonical. It appears only in Taming Riki. Just to let you know. But sure, that's as good a place as any other. I guess Parthea could do as well. And Mistral Park, and Apatia.
As for capitalizing blondies, I've got the same problem. ;-) But I guess we should capitalize this word after all (I still haven't changed it in my fics, but I will - some day).
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From ANON - DrkDreamer on November 20, 2006
I noticed the better structuring - I found the reading much easier.

I don't think you're going too slow - I like everything you've written and I appreciate a story that unfolds slowly, explaining the circumstances well and building up the plot. (Too many authors - me, included - rush into smut.)

I'm getting fascianted by Raoul's strange pets. Must be something that will be explained later - which makes me want to keep reading!

Well done.
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From ANON - lucius on November 11, 2006
more please.
i would voluntear to beta, but my time is zero, my inspiration null and my gramma and spelling is far away from anything acceptable.
so:sorry
but if you can, more please.
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From ANON - GypsyWillow on October 28, 2006
Going back to the first chapter the part that struck me was when Katze was looking Daryl over for injuries. I know Blondies can be strict or demanding but I've never thought of them as violent. I realize of course that you could still take this story in any direction you want but so far I'm glad Raoul isn't a bad master. I thought that the job for Katze might have him working with Raoul but that's just because they're my favourite pairing (I blame Lena's stories).
On the other hand the relationship you've shown between Daryl and Katze has been a nice touch. The conversation between them in chapter two did a good job of showing not just their friendship but also how much Daryl respects Katze and his opinions. At this point I'm definitely curious about what your planning on doing and since I love Katze it'll be interesting to see what you do with him.
Sorry I didn't review earlier but I wanted to make sure you were going to continue the story so many writers disappear after even just one chapter. It was nice to read that you have planned out a plot and know the direction you want to take. As for any mistakes I didn't see any major ones, take your time and don't worry about rushing just make sure your happy with the result. That being said I can't wait for more!

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From ANON - DrkDreamer on October 28, 2006
Plain pets, eh? That would set me to wondering, too.

I really like your story so far - and will be looking for updates.

Would like to make a suggestion, though. Start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes. It correct grammar - and makes the story so much easier to read.
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From ANON - Lena on October 27, 2006
(To chapter 2)
1. Thanks for calling me the way you called me. ;-) I�m flattered, really.
2. I�m really glad that you have the storyline worked out. For me that�s very important.
3. Don�t worry about the reviews. They sure help, a lot. But write this story for yourself. Haven�t you noticed how � sometimes � the worst crap gets the hottest reviews? Means � lots of reviews doesn�t mean that a fic is good. Not at all.
4. I didn�t see anything redundant in the chapter, anything too much, too long, really. There was just enough of everything. ;-)
5. I LIKED this chapter. The plot flow AND those little background details you put in sometimes. It�s good when an author doesn�t think only about the story (if they think about the story in the first place), but also minds the background.
6. As before � I noticed a few errors. I personally, prefer to wait a little longer and get the corrected version at once. People are lazy, you know. Once they read a story, they usually won�t reread it. Which means � once they read the �first edition�, they most likely won�t read the corrected version. But that�s a minor thing for me, as long as I like the fic. (Errors can always be corrected, a bad story can�t.)
7. If you like, I might take a look at those chapters and edit them a little. But as I�m not a native speaker, any language corrections will be only those obvious ones (I get the feeling that your English is better than mine). But there�s also some punctuation, some other details and with that I might help. Let me know if you want � I guess you know the e-mail. ;D

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From ANON - Anon on October 19, 2006
Oh, a Katze story! You have the good start for a story. Can't wait for the next chapter. Please do continue. Do not worry too much about the writing skills. I'm not a native English speaker either.

I'm keeping this story in my favorites.

Griz
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From ANON - Kiix on October 18, 2006
I like a good Katze story. Keep on writing!!
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From Czmadzia on October 17, 2006
That started really interesting, I'm very curious what will happen next, so please, continue. Maybe that's subjective, maybe I like your story because I'm a big fan of furniture ^_~, but I don't think so. It simply seems like beginning of a good fic.
You keep close to the picture Rieko Yoshihara created and you made things look reasonable (I mean background details). I noticed a few language errors (as much as another non-native speaker can notice), but they are minor. Just go through the text once again and you'll find them.
Otherwise I'm delighted to see a very promising new AnK fic. ;)
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