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Reviews for The Dress

By : Neito
  • From LunaAddictus on April 06, 2008
    LOL awesomeness! I especially agree with you at the very end, when you said that even a monk would give in to Shinobu. I know I would. xDDD

    The story? You want me to comment on it? Okay. It was very well-written, very lemon-y, but let's face it- it was good. I want to read more from you in the future.
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  • From LadyRayanna on February 02, 2008
    Wow that was diffently bold of the shy girl, loved it can you write more on this pairing? Also are you going to add a chapter where Naru and Kitsune (Mitsune). As I know Kitsune is pretty much bi and I dought Naru minds if it's a girl playing with her. Hehe
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  • From Skull on November 09, 2007
    Pretty nice story just two things were wrong that have not been metioned

    1)I'm part of the HKSS(Her Kawiiness Secret Service)and we are the defends of Shinobu...even sexual wise so I'd ask if you ever do this again to please write Shinobu in a m ore innocent character so it does not degrade her (We've got her Rep AND our Rep on the line)
    2)and as I say this many time to authors starting out WATCH THE SPEED OF ORGASMS this is not a really hard thing to do but you can't have girls getting it that fast (Unless you can explain it,or have them already prep and stay on an edge of an orgasm)

    Other than that and what was already mentioned great fic hope to read more of your work

    Skull J. Darkmaster-"You know me when I make a promise I keep it"
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  • From Peaceguy on September 15, 2007
    ok
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  • From Neito on December 18, 2006
    Thank you. The italics thing was due to the fact that i uploaded a text file i originally wrote in a method for an IPB, and i forgot to pay attention to what the hell i was doing when i uploaded. Go me.
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  • From ANON - Anon on December 17, 2006
    Up for some well intentioned concrit? (a few suggestions on formatting, etc.) Put spaces between your paragraphs, your story will read easier. And don't forget to spellcheck. I noticed that your italics didn't show up, even though you coded them to, which was weird (were you typing directly into the text box?) If you can, type up your future fics in Word or whatever, then save a second time as an html file. Then either upload the html file, or cut and paste it into the text box, all your formatting should show up okay.

    As for the sex, a few things nagged at me. (And this is only meant to help you write hotter, more realistic lemons)

    1) Uh...you can't really feel when someone cums inside you; reads great and all, but, sadly, it doesn't happen
    2) A woman rarely, if ever, orgasms from vaginal penetration only
    3) The piercing pain on losing virginity is kind of quaint and Victorian. In general, women are so physically active nowadays (plus the use of certain hygeine products and masturbation) that the hymen gets stretched and degraded so it's not horribly painful (if it was, she'd be wishing/screaming for him to stop, not screaming in ecstasy).

    For a first time one-shot (it was a one-shot, wasn't it?) your story wasn't a bad effort. Keep at it and good luck with your next fic!


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  • From Neito on December 11, 2006
    Not sure if i'm gonna do another chapter of this, or just another Keitaro/Shinobu story in general.
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  • From ANON - BigFics on December 11, 2006
    Not bad at all. I'd love to see a chapter 2 with more Shinobu/Keitaro lovin!
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  • From ANON - D4rK on December 08, 2006
    Thats was nice and funny for your first effort but good enought
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  • From ANON - RAW19 on December 06, 2006
    oh, my god! first time or not you are an excellent author!
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