Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Reviews for Sinners

By : Stormborn Apostle

From daveb on June 29, 2008
This in my view is the greatest AFF story EVER.
Report Review
From Stormborn Apostle on March 30, 2008
Anonymous---I wish there were women like that, too. Alas, such females are very rare...although they are out there somewhere.

Just not in my city. :-(

Shadow---Answered this in Arc 2, but yeah, finding someone so innocent and pure would be wonderful.

Dante Inferna---I love spending a day reading a long, long story...while Sinners isn't THAT long, not yet, it will be eventually. I'm sure that it'll break a million words eventually, and that's...kinda amazing for me, heh. Most of my writing, even the serious stuff, has never come anywhere close to such a number.
Report Review
From DanteInferna on March 20, 2008
I've read it several times at this point, and it never gets old.
Report Review
From ANON - Shadow on March 20, 2008
You really do have an amazing story. What interests me isn't the sex, or the main plot, but the way you describe the bond and love between the two. Eeven as a very secretive person, I can understand how interesting a psychic bond could be, what with the feedback, and everything about your soul exposed. Plus, I'm not completely attracted to my own species(or any other, for that matter), so the idea of having a relationship with a creature similar, but different, more innocent and free of humanity's cancerous touch, like a beacon of light really, makes it sound even more wonderful.
Report Review
From ANON - Anonymous on March 19, 2008
Beautiful story, wonderfully written, I enjoyed it very much.

I wish there were women in this world who were physically attractive AND wanted a relationship like this...A relationship not dependent upon sex or material possessions.

Fuck I'm depressed.
Report Review
From Stormborn Apostle on January 11, 2008
Anonymoose---Heh, glad you like it. When I started this story, I knew it would be long---but it's currently at 244 pages at 12 point font, and it's maybe 10%-15% done! I never expected it to become so...epic...but then again, I lost control of the story pretty early on, heh.

Believe me, I wish I could make this story light-hearted...but alas, the condemnation of their relationship is one of the biggest plot points and themes of the story (even though it has not actually been touched on much, beyond that mugging in Clouded Future and dialogue). I also wish I could give this story a happy ending---unfortunately, I have already cemented a certain very harsh tragedy in my long-term outline...and it's likely that at least one lovable character will die by the story's end (they don't have to be introduced yet, though).

I agree that the Jirachi discussion chapter was kind of...too straightforward. I don't regret writing it (especially since the religion is going to become a huge focus later on), but I'd like it to be more...gradual. I might re-write it sometime (and maybe touch up some of the earlier chapters; the improvement in my writing is obvious when you compare the earlier chapters to the latest).

I think it'd be better if Gardevoir (then Kirlia) asked more questions about religion---mainly about faith in general. Pokemon have gods, or at least Lords, and maybe she doesn't understand how humans can worship that which they don't see (because Pokemon in nature actually see/are truly aware of many of their deities). She might also not grasp the idea of worshipping at all---while the Pokemon have deities, they are either passive, sleeping, or are protectors who require no worship.

Before the first major Jirachian incident occurs, I'll probably re-write the chapter. I'd like a clearer intro to the religion, and a more detailed and less blunt dialogue between Slash and Kirlia.
Report Review
From ANON - Anonymoose on January 10, 2008
It's me, Anonymoose! 'Tis time for my review.

First, I think this is one of the better stories on the Pokemon section (if not most of what I've seen on AdultFanfiction.net), both plot-wise and adult scene-wise. And though I admit to skimming some of the chapters (mostly the scenes that don't have the main heroes) partly because of the chapters' length, it's waaaay better than chapters or stories that are only a paragraph long. (Glares at a few stories right here in the Pokemon section.) And the romance between Slash and Gardevoir is so cute, yet I can't help but fear it will end in tragedy.

I've been thinking of doing a human/Pokemon romance story myself one of these days. But I don't know how exactly to do it yet, and I know that even with a human-like Pokemon like Gardevoir (or an anthro-like Pokemon like the Fighting Pokemon "Chop" family or Lopunny or other human-sized two-legged Pokemon), it would look weird to the readers. And the only "[semi-]canon" human/pokemon I've seen in the anime were Ash/Bayleef (formerly Chikorita) and Ash/Latias (who sometimes disguised herself as her human friend Bianca). Both were one-sided, of course, but I think those are the only instances of this type of pairing in canon. So I don't have a lot to go on. I've been trying to find other authors that have done it, but they are so few in number, het-wise. I do like yours, though, and it's looked down upon in [your interpretation of] the world just as I thought it would. It does give me a few ideas of how a romance between a human and Pokemon could be like, but personally I'd rather go the light-hearted route. Drama, especially romance drama, are a weakness of mine. :

But now for the not-so-good. First, the obvious message from Slash near the beginning of the story. It's very obvious who the "Jirachians" are supposed to be, for example, as well as other real-world references. I don't know, it just seemed a little too preachy or blatant to me. I'd be more subtle, though admittedly I don't know how. I just don't like reading messagey stuff too much in fanfiction, but that's just me.

Hmm. What else. ... Actually, that was the only really negative thing I have about the story.

Sooo good luck on the rest of the story! :)
Report Review
From Stormborn Apostle on January 10, 2008
Imasuky Lomae---Flannery is fucking awesome. I'll probably have Gardevoir getting a big jealous of her when she's around, so I can have some cuteness there. Gardie's adorable when she gets jealous, heh.

Sabrina (and Lucy the Pike Queen) were both pretty dominatrix-y, heh...

DizzyRye---I know that I read a Flannery/Typhlosion fic at some point, ha. If I oneshot it, it'll probably be Slash/Gardevoir/Flannery, Gardevoir/Flannery (and Slash watches, kukuku), or Slash/Gardevoir and Flannery/some-Pokemon-of-hers. Not sure.

Imasuky Lomae---I wonder if I should do a Gardevoir-is-in-heat story. That's kind of a fanfiction staple...and I could put it in Sinners proper or a oneshot.

You know, Gardevoir is kind of odd. Is she a mammal? She has breasts. But in the games, she lays eggs. Hm. It doesn't matter in Sinners (not yet, at least, don't have anything planned), but it makes ya wonder.

RoboRed---Prepare to eat your laptop, then. The oneshot will be sometime after I introduce her in the main story, which should be in the next few chapters. She won't be as big of a character as Watson, but she'll be important enough. And hot enough. Heh.

Imasuky Lomae---I still laugh whenever I see D/P used for the fourth generation. Gives me dirty fanfic ideas.

RoboRed---lol see what I mean

GenoLiger---You know, since I've established that Gardevoir can remove her clothing, I could make her dress up later. It doesn't have to even be for sexy purposes (although she will always be sexy)...she could just wear jeans or another dress or something to see Slash's reaction.

Or a bikini...

Anon---The problem with poor Gardevoir is that, while she can deliver a hell of a hit, she can't always take a hit. And when it comes to an opponent as tough as Rotom (and, while not specified, a Rotom that has a significant level advantage over her), it's pretty much one-hit KO with a ghost attack.

She did good (well), though, so Slash is oodles proud of her. There may be smut soon...not sure exactly when, but they'll be going on the road soon, so...hm...

Imasuky Lomae---Warning: Submission may cause powerful recoil. In your pants.

Alright, everyone, announcement: as you can see, I have gone ahead and split Sinners up into multiple stories; there will be one for each Arc. The review page here just got too gigantic to be practical, and while I'll still respond to any reviews made her, I ask that all reviews dealing with stuff beyond chapter 17 be made on "Sinners: Arc 2". HAHA!
Report Review
From Bishonen on January 10, 2008
I've gotten started on the yuri oh and one last thing here are a few more attacks

Helping Hand

Attract

And lastly Submission

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
Report Review
From ANON - Anon on January 10, 2008
He... lost!? Come on! Maybe have Gardevoir hang on long enough to retaliate and at least tie or something. The battle was epic and extremely well thought out, but it doesn't feel right that Slash lost (albeit just barely). Oh yeah, main problem with this chapter? No smut.

Otherwise, it was an enthralling read, as usual.

Report Review
From ANON - GenoLiger on January 10, 2008
maybe you should have Gardevoir dress up in stuff like they have Jessica from Dragon Qest 8 in. Just a thought. Also you could have Gardevoir use belly drum. Just a thought. Good Day everybody.Oh and Slash I am really thankful that you steer away from the common words used in stories here. It makes a already great story better.
Report Review
From RoboRed on January 09, 2008
Okay, like I said, I know almost nothing about D/P. So if Bertha's ugly (sounds like it), then forget her.
Report Review
From Bishonen on January 09, 2008
So you think Bertha is hot oh and i've picked Cheryl form D/P heres what she looks like http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Cheryl and just a note the story will have a lot of foot stuff in it.

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
Report Review
From RoboRed on January 09, 2008
Slash: 1)No shit? Me too! (down to the letter, even!)

2) Thank god for serebii.net

3) roffle

4) I swear to god, if this nekked gym leader involves Flannery, I will eat my laptop out of sheer orgasmic glee.

Imasuky: Pretty much all of the female gym leaders/elites are hot in one way or another, IMO (except for Agatha...eeeww).
Report Review
From Bishonen on January 09, 2008
I thought about MilkDrink as well as Snatch the story most likely have Sabrina or some other human because I'm far more used to human anatomy i'll lok around on Bulbapedia to chose that's were i get all my info.

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
Report Review