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Reviews for Unknown Desire

By : Raishi
  • From ANON - Anon on December 04, 2014
    Wonderful
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  • From eva24 on July 19, 2008
    Hanh~ Interesting..... This looks like it could be really entertaining but....you need to write more so this story can fulfil its destiny (a-ha-ha) I'm intrigued and your devil fruit is a good idea nad sounds like it could be a great plot device without veering into 'God-sue' territory. (please, don't make her a god-sue, I really like your character. she's emotionally realistic!!)I'm looking forward to more chapters. ^_^
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  • From Cenozura on July 30, 2007
    Thank you for the dedication. That really made my night. ^___^ I'm also really excited to hear that you'll be writing lots of new chapters in the future. [Hope you post more of them soon!!!] In this new chapter, I liked the way it switches from 1st person to third person. 1st person really gives the reader a sense of what San is thinking and how she sees and feels about the world around her. I like seeing through San's eyes and gaining a deeper sense of her character. I also like how you described Alina's eyes as feather soft and said her gaze was motherly. It really conveys how San views Alina in a dual role as not only the leader/boss of San's unit but also as almost a stand in mother for San. Alina is wise and offers a mature opinion and sagely advice to San. I like how Alina points out that San's night with Kaku was spurred on by lust and not love. It's often true that people confuse the two emotions and I like how Alina contrasts this reality with San's perception of the situation. One night of sex is not love. Love is based on a mutual foundation and I have a strong feeling that by the end of the fic that the initial lust that united San and Kaku will gradually grow into the genuine, mutual affection characteristic of two people truly in love. And with the plot you are developing, the journey to arrive at that point should prove to be quite interesting.

    I like how the story is developing and your use of foreshadowing through details and events. I especially thought the dialogue in Kaku's fight with the rebel was great. It was well written and in character for Kaku. And I was wondering about the mysterious rebel who fights Kaku. Could he be San's missing brother Yunei or have something to do with San's brother? Since the rebel said both he and his group's leader ate a devil fruit, either man might be San's brother [or might not be too depending on the direction the story takes]. And for that matter, I'm even more curious about Yunei's ability. Alina said he ate a devil fruit so it will be interesting to learn what his power is. And if Yunei was the rebel Kaku encountered, to find out what type of fruit gave him power using blinding light. You also foreshadow that San may join with her brother rather than killing him and that Alina would go with her. That certainly would be an interesting scenario. Kaku would be San's enemy then, wouldn't he? And if the love between Kaku and San was becoming more serious around that time, such a development would make things quite complicated between them.

    Please have the courage to continue this wonderful fic. I'll be looking forward to see whichever direction your story takes. For now, I'll be content to see how San develops and uses her newly acquired devil fruit powers under Alina's guidance. And I'll do my best to checking the One Piece section on AFF more often for future updates to your story. Hope to read more from you soon in the coming months.

    Cenozura.
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  • From Cenozura on May 18, 2007
    Wow. I do adore Kaku in this fic a lot. As an original character, San is also interesting. I like the thought of her being a World Government agent. It really seems to fit that she possesses such a deep longing for Kaku. He certainly is a good looking fellow and quite handsome. I also like how you make Kaku seem a bit detached and selfish about his own needs. It makes sense that he fucks San like he wants without paying too much concern about her needs and feelings as a virgin. And I also loved Kaku's internal monologue when he was horny and thinking that San had "fuck me" practically written all over her face. The sex was good too because it conveys Kaku's lust convincingly and adds a dimension of pain to not only San's physical body but also her emotional state. I wonder how San is going to deal with that detached sexual encounter in the next chapter? Kaku's aware that San was a virgin and although he had her consent, he used her body to gratify his own lusty needs. I wonder if he'll feel guilty about it on some level? Looking forward to seeing the next chapter when you post it.
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