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Reviews for Sinners: Arc 2

By : Stormborn Apostle

From Stormborn Apostle on July 24, 2008
Bob, Lol---Not that I plan to submit anything for publishing or televisionizing, but if I did, I would not allow the content and themes to be edited. That'd be a dealbreaker. They can criticize my use of long, semicolon-heavy sentences, they can point out my typos and grammar mistakes, but the moment they say "Gardevoir cannot get nailed in the ass", I walk out of the office, lol.

Splenge---The fact that the Sunderers were not actually destroyed may come up later in the story, just as Kiako's gun will.

Vyers, Imasuky Lomae, Hsda MK. II, Lejos de casa---Yes indeed, I changed the wording. Tee hee. No one has correctly guessed who's pregnant (and if they did, I'd be shocked), but at least some of you have figured out that I wouldn't knock up Gardie three days after they first fucked, especially with it being clearly labeled impossible for hybrids to occur in the Sinners timeline and there being no means of pregnancy test in the fucking desert, lol. Also, since she will have the baby (not an egg or something, the baby) before they leave the desert, it's pretty clear that she's not actually giving birth. :-P

Iota---You're right in that neither of them will die in the next chapter, but keep in mind that if I DO kill a major character off, I won't be hinting at it beforehand. In fact, I might lie about it beforehand to surprise people...

There will be more allusions to the old era by characters---vague memories, the rest of the Prophesy, etc. A question that hasn't been addressed yet is what, if anything, Kiako's been experiencing.

The depiction of the city and castle was just meant to be an introduction, but shit, I was I could draw. I have such a vivid picture of it in my head and wish my hands could put it on paper/computer, lol.

Anyway, here's some important news. On a whim, I re-wrote most of chapter 5 of Sinners (Arc 1) last night, the intro to Jirachism. Since the real exposure to the religion and the good/bad aspects of it is coming up in the near-ish future, I wanted to make the first appearance of it a lot better than the short and very preachy first attempt. It's still clearly anti-Jirachism, but I've tried to make it clear that the extremely anti-Jirachism sentiments are coming from Slash, not the narrative voice---my original intention (which didn't go so well). I was a little wary about doing this, since I didn't want to pull a Greedo-shooting-first sorta thing, but none of the important details have changed...just the depth of them. Check it out and let me know if it looks okay.

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From ANON - Hsda MK. II on July 24, 2008
If it were something, say, adopting an abandoned baby pokemon or somesuch nonsense I really wouldn't care as much.
If it were mothering Slash's child, I would despise the twist.

But he clearly said "Someone's pregnant" and now "Psymakio is going to have a baby", either both happens, one is a lie, or they're synonymous.
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From ANON - Splenge on July 24, 2008
I noticed you changed the wording of the preview on your profile.
I wanted to say that changing it definitely makes that clearer.

I had originally thought you meant Psymakio was pregnant, which would've been weird.
Now it's more ambiguous, which makes it an improvement.

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From Iota on July 23, 2008
Well well, I finally finished my nearly 20,000 word chapter for my story, and found the time to finally read your new chapter.

As expected, very nicely done.

The sense of desperation in the cave is particularly well done. Although the reader knows that neither Slash nor Psymakio will die at this point in the story, the possibility of the other characters around them (the pokemon) dying holds the sense of urgency.

Interesting sense of foreshadowing during Psymakio's vision, the idea that it mirrors events in the past is a concept I certainly didn't expect. You alluded to the whole, "Events in the Past" kind of idea when Slash was fighting Watson, the brief vision that Slash had about the "Two lovers who were journeying in different directions and knew they'd never see each other again", or something along that line, which was a nice ease into the idea.

I must say, I like the ideas you've had with the Pokemon City, and the wars between Humans/Pokemon. Pokemon were gifted with natural strength, and humans with the ability to create and invent, that felt quite accurate to me. Also, there was a good amount of description for the large structures in the city, yet sometimes I felt confused as to what I was trying to picture.

All in all, everything was quite powerfully done, and I enjoyed every word.

Good luck in your next chapter!
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From Mono on July 23, 2008
HA! Psymakio is going to be a mom? Amazing! Don't listen to Hsda MK. II or Vyers, if anything a baby is going to intensify to love between Slash and Psymakio. I can't wait to see a new chapter now! Keep up the good work!
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From ANON - Hsda MK. II on July 23, 2008
Psymakio is going to have a baby.

And the hand hits the face.

Guh. The entire feel of the story's going to get off the bus now.

I was going to explain more, but I'll abuse my backspace button and leave it at this.

I'm going to keep reading, but if the pattern I foresee enacts, I'm going to grab my Bawls and Run Like Hell.
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From Bishonen on July 22, 2008
Fucking fuck you fucking Slash fucking Fire Fucking Storm you fucking jackfucking ass fuckin great author fucking stop withhte fucking teasers.

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae

p.s. your not the only one who over uses the word fuck
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From ANON - Splenge on July 22, 2008
It's great to see a couple of my predictions came out right, and that totally random guess about Silver being right.

Ancient weaponry, nukes, god-Pokemon, pricks who wake up the ultimate incarnation of evil; I swear this story has it all.

Lastly, I'm not certain it's prudent to link to it; but suffice it to say there's an AnonIB for Gardevoir (and Kirlia, Ralts, and Gallade.)
It's fairly easy to find.
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From ANON - Bob, Lol on July 22, 2008
Considering that it's already over 100000 words (too lazy to do another word-count series on it, though), I estimate it'll break at least a half million by the end...possibly a full million if I keep writing 20000+ monsters. And that's fucking insane. Seriously.

And yeah, lol, it does suck. Maybe Nintendo will look at the anime, realize how horrid it is, and offer to pay me for Sinners. Might make for a good television run, heh...as long as the sex ain't cut. That would be a requirement. XD /quote

Lol, what channel would it be hosted on? And you better hope 4 Kids doesn't get a hold of it......*shudders at the thought*
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From Stormborn Apostle on July 21, 2008
Hsda MK. II---She can communicate with him verbally if she wishes, or use Slash's mind as a sort of relay (similarly to how he must use her, at least for the time being).

As for Dark types...heh, that's a question I'm not willing to answer just yet. But even if their existence is due in part to the Shadow, corrupted Pokemon are far more vicious than the most vicious natural Dark-type...still, might explain why the Jirachians hold prejudicial views against them. Hatred is passed down the ages far more easily than historical fact.

Ya know, this makes me wish I could draw, so I could give a visual example of a corrupted Pokemon. I've got a really good mental image of a corrupted Arcanine...looking like it's got hyper-rabies or something, heh...

lol, the reason Arceus won't be showing up in Sinners (beyond the occasional vague commentary about destiny and the like) is for the same the Ellimist wasn't used that often in the Animorphs (lol, yes I am the kind of nerd who read Animorphs when I was younger)---if God shows up too often, everything else seems kind of lame in comparison, lol. As for why Arceus doesn't interfere, that hasn't been decided yet. Maybe he's on vacation. Maybe all he can do is watch. Maybe he just doesn't give a fuck. Who knows. Even if I decide on its motivations, I may not mention them in Sinners any more than other authors apologize for the lack of God saving their protagonists, lol.

I do still intend to write a Slash x Kirlia oneshot sometime, but that likely won't be for a while. Still gotta finish cleaning up 23 and make another chapter for Janus, first.

kytic---Glad you like it. Utterly random, but you know, I was reading Misery this weekend...and I was reminded of the protagonist's worst fears---that by becoming a writer, you damn yourself to never being able to enjoy reading, because you constantly try to dissect whatever you come across. Thankfully that's not the case for me (yet, anyway), because I still enjoy the fuck out of those kinds of stories. Maybe it's because I'm the kind of writer who uses his imagination a lot more than outlines or concordances...

Zannthebored---Heh, nah. I don't think a temporary mental spark could get pregnant. Incidentally, Angel will also be showing up in 24, along with the recently-identified Interloper. And there will be...tension.

Lejos de casa---Working on the second half a little bit more every night, heh. Still on track for late-July release.

Regardless of their origin (which, like I said earlier in this response, is not going to be revealed just yet) I view dark types as just as 'natural' as everything else. Perhaps they have to struggle with some of their more violent tendencies (as Slash does), but they are capable of friendship, love, family, just like everything else. The Mightyena that took Psymakio's family didn't do it for sport, but to feed its pups. As Slash is going to have to come to terms with, some darkness is necessary for all life...but for those with more dark in them than light, they just have to control it, not eliminate it.

Espy---Horsey, horsey

The Cakenator---Considering that it's already over 100000 words (too lazy to do another word-count series on it, though), I estimate it'll break at least a half million by the end...possibly a full million if I keep writing 20000+ monsters. And that's fucking insane. Seriously.

And yeah, lol, it does suck. Maybe Nintendo will look at the anime, realize how horrid it is, and offer to pay me for Sinners. Might make for a good television run, heh...as long as the sex ain't cut. That would be a requirement. XD

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From thecakenator on July 21, 2008
What you've created here is not a fanfiction, so much as a small novel. Although, with the increasing size of the story, I guess you can't say that this is small, heh. This is a fantastic tale that gets better with each chapter. The only downside to Sinners is that it can't be printed in book format. :(
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From puffball64 on July 20, 2008
@ Hsda MK. II:

lol, guess who my story revolved around?
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From Mono on July 20, 2008

Wow... Very Nice!

Amazing chapter there Slash, can't wait for the second half to come out!

I was wondering though, since dark Pokemon weren't present in the old Hoenn Kingdom, does that mean that they were some kind of by-product from the Shadow's take-over, like some kind of evolutionary trait they developed over time to help them live and cope with the tainted world, or are they natural like all other types?

Just wondering...anyways great work and keep it comin'!
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From ANON - Zannthebored on July 20, 2008
I'm not entirely sure why, but when I read your hints about who's pregnant I immediately thought of Angel

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From ANON - kytic on July 20, 2008
great job keep it up i'm addicted to this plot
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