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Reviews for Sinners: Arc 2

By : Stormborn Apostle

From ANON - Hsda MK. II on July 20, 2008
Can Psymakio mentally chat with Dark types, or is she going to have to go "Gard, Garde-devoir!" to talk to Crawdaunt?

Also; I find it interesting how you implied that at some point, Sharpedo wasn't Dark. Perhaps Dark as a type is a cosmic backlash for The Shadow's presence? It clearly makes the being more violent and self-serving, from Corphish's impulses, which is probably how The Shadow corrupts and turns it's victims.

Your explanation on Great/er Ones still follows in line with my Exalted line up; Great Ones are the Earthly 'gods' whom still have the kindness to interact with living beings, the Greater Ones are the Celestial gods, whom, while not directly malevolent, care little for anyone who doesn't live in Heaven and mostly just play games by themselves for aeons.

And Arceus can do whatever the goddamn hell Arceus wants to do :(
If he wants to talk to a trainer and his Gardevoir he can halt all of space/time to have a cup of Earl Grey tea with them. Even though he DOESN'T HAVE HANDS.
(Mostly, I wanna see someone do SOMETHING with Arceus. He's my favorite pokemon concept; since people were complaining about legendaries getting more and more powerful, they just went for broke and made GOD. But it's your story, and you don't answer to a random reviewer.)

I'm glad I found this heart-touching story on one of my Kirlia prons run~
(Yes I like Kirlia prons more than Gardevoir prons. I'm a loli fan.)
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From Stormborn Apostle on July 20, 2008
Hsda MK. II---Yes, yes it is. By the time it's done, it'll probably dwarf Arc 1's 20000+ hits...

The exposure of the Kingdom's backstory was necessary for several reasons. Firstly, not everyone is on the mailing list, and thus this is really their first exposure to the Prince and Princess (speaking of, I gotta make some more plotmails). Secondly, many of the events in the backstory will be more than just "interesting to know"...they will play critical roles in the future, particularly with the Great Ones...and perhaps a bit of that ancient technology (if they could dig up a gun...).

So yeah, the identities should be pretty clear by now. The King, indeed, is Regigigas, and while I've heard he sucks in D/P due to his ability, this is my fuckin' story and I can make him as bad-ass as I want, heh. I considered showing him in the vision, but...nah. Not yet. The Princes are the other three Regis, and they will make an appearance as the story goes on, of course.

I don't give a damn about Jirachi or its limits in canon, heh, because like Regigigas, he's mine now, lol. In any case, the Great Ones aren't gods themselves, but they are very powerful and can greatly influence the world. Together they can commune with the higher orders of the universe and see far...but they cannot see everything. There are a few Greater Ones, beings who are either so powerful, or have abilities so incredible, that even the Great Ones pale in comparison. As for Arceus...well, I doubt that he'll swing by and say hi to Slash and Psymakio, lol.

Zannthebored---You're referring to the "Jack of Diamonds and the Ace of Spades", I'm assuming. I'll say this about them:

1. I already know who they are.
2. They're not OC, although I'll be doing what I did to Watson and give them my own take on their personalities.
3. Both titles hint at their identities...particularly the Ace of Spades.

While that idea about sending in characters sounds pretty neat, I'm not the kind of author who takes requests---I have a hard enough time writing stories/characters that come from my own head, let alone those from someone else's, lol.

Sinners Fan---Glad you like it, and I'll do my best to speed up the updates. Maybe I will shorten some of the later chapters...I'm guessing (totally guessing, don't quote me on this) that 24 won't be nearly as long as the recent 20000+ monsters, at least.

RoboRed---Chapter 24's theme will be the Interloper, and the first real confrontation with her since her appearance. A lot has been said about her...worries voiced, dangers mentioned, identities revealed...but in 24 it will be time to throw it open, heh.

As for the Kingdom...why, yes. Now that Psymakio's gotten a tour, Slash needs to get one as well. Concern, though...if Quiero was Psymakio's guide to the world, who do you think Slash's will be? Oh shi---

And yes, creative license is swell. I don't like just retelling a game or movie storyline...I like taking a pre-existing world and giving it so much of my own ideas that it's something new entirely. I mean, if I didn't take creative license, Slash would get impaled if he ever got on top of Gardie, Regigigas would be a lame-ass bitch, and Watson would be reduced to SO NEW MAUVILLE'S POWER GENERATOR IS FUCKING UP, LOL, GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE. Plus Flannery wouldn't be getting felt up by Blaziken. :-(

I like long movies. Titanic, fucking awesome, 3 hours 14 minutes of perfection.

In Fallarbor, Slash and Psymakio will be getting their true quest revealed to them---saving Rayquaza is only a means of slowing the inevitable doom of Hoenn, not preventing it. If something is not done to destroy the source of the disruptions, the potential eruption of Chimney may seem like a very small deal.

lol, ya know, I was actually planning on having the vision different, where Psymakio was nothing more than a passenger until the end of the "tour", and the tour went on until Miyako and Quiero were together in her room, and they...had some fun. But after consideration, it seemed kinda creepy for Psymakio to have to be having passenger-sex. XD

I miss shiny encounters...over the years I've seen/caught my share of them, and every time that one appears, I just go nuts, heh.

dave---Slash's team make-up was intentionally given a Dark-type for just that reason, and yeah, it'll be interesting (particularly as Jirachism is explored in later chapters). Also fun to write will be Psymakio's reaction to having a Dark-type packmate...

Zannthebored---I deleted my never-finished Zelda fics some time ago. When I looked back at them and compared their quality to Sinners, I was not pleased with them. I'm not sure if I'll ever give Stand By Me another go (Link x Ashei)...but Ballad of the Wind Fish, my first story on AFF, was originally planned to be as long and epic as Sinners, and I might start that one over again when Sinners is finished (or at least smooth enough for me to be able to multi-task a few major projects).

I do have an experimental writing piece, "Rain", which I've been tinkering with for a while. It's a post-Wind Waker, semi-AU ten-chapter story involving a modern, dystopian Hyrule where it always rains and Ganondorf has consolidated his rule over the world. Very dark, very gritty. Not sure if I'll upload any of it to AFF, but...I probably will. Ten chapters of decent length wouldn't be nearly as time-consuming or difficult as Sinners has been, heh.

Perfect Purity---I'm glad that you think so highly of it, although sometimes I feel the same kind of overwhelmed humbleness when I read the works of other authors (such as Raythe, author of Forbidden).

Despite what I said some time ago, spoilers don't really come up on the review page...unless someone chooses to read the review page before finishing the story up to the most recent chapter, in which case they should be expecting certain details to be discussed. The pregnancy thing in my profile was more of a joke than a real spoiler---someone IS pregnant, but it's someone very unexpected. In fact, if anyone really guessed who it is before I upload 23, I will eat my hat. It was vaguely, vaguely hinted at in 22 (although Quiero wasn't the one hinting at it, it was the narrative), but I very highly doubt anyone will be able to guess.

HINT: It's tied in to the price Psymakio had to agree to before receiving the vision.

HINT 2: I'm going to be laughing when it's finally revealed, because the revelation (although not the event itself) will be pretty anticlimactic. XD

Hopefully you'll check this page again anyway and see that nothing will really be spoiled back here, heh.

The old Kingdom was one of my oldest ideas for Sinners, and it'll be revisited (in narrative and 'visiting') throughout the story. There's still much to tell about it, as Quiero's account was limited to certain topics.

And heh, while I am pretty modest with my writing, I do think that I would totally be in the right if I went to Pokemon headquarters and seized the golden Pikachu or whatever it is that gives one the right to Pokemon's copyright, lol.
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From Perfect Purity on July 19, 2008
Hi there! Long time reader, first time reviewer.

I've been a fan of your story since day one. As a frequent browser of the Pokemon section of these forums, I found it very refreshing to find a story that wasn't either poorly written, had nothing that resembled a plot, or both.

It's hard for me to put into words the level of awesomeness that is Sinners. To say it is extraordinary would be an understatement. It is, no doubt, the greatest Pokemon story I've ever read (not that you haven't heard that before, I'm sure), and the most well-written Pokemon piece on AFF. Constantly while I am reading, I feel put to shame as an author because of how brilliantly you've written this tale. My own story pales in comparison in terms of... well, everything.

You said that spoilers may or may not be posted by you on the reviews page, and I really want to avoid that like the plague. The bit of information you posted in your profile is one such piece, although due to the speech Quiero made involving Kiako I suppose I could chalk that one up to "I should have seen it coming," assuming "she" refers to Psymakio. ;o Of course you could totally be throwing us for a loop, and that would be really cool, but... I can't think of any female character who's had sex other than Psymakio... which is a really cool name, by the way.

I also wanted to congratulate you on creating such a wonderful history of Hoenn. It's obvious you spent a lot of time fine-tuning every last detail about each Kingdom, the legends and stories surrounding them... everything is just too great for words.

In an attempt to avoid reading any speculation or confirmation of any rumors about future events, I won't be visiting the review page to read your reply, should you write one. Please know that you've made a fan out of me and if you ever get some time, check out my fic.

*sigh* Why can't the official Pokemon series be half as good as this?
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From ANON - Zannthebored on July 19, 2008
Wait a sec... I've just realised that you wrote a zelda story
where is it? Zelda is the only thing I love more than pokemon
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From daveb on July 19, 2008
Truly amazing. When Corphish evolves, how are you going to portray the predjudice against him, being part dark?
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From RoboRed on July 19, 2008
@Slash (listed reply)

- Really now? I can't wait. :)

- Guild Wars is really fun. I wish I actually owned Assassin's Creed, though. On anouther note, is it highly likely the story will take a visit to the First Kingdom era again?

- Horray for creative license!

- See them you must. Enjoy them you will. Though you'll have to take a chunk out of your day to do it...damn-long movies...

- Oooh...bigger questings!

- Yeah, but it could've happened in the vision sequence between Miyako and Quiero. :P

- If enough people can be gathered, I'll be willing to host it.

- I'm still gonna be fucking 35 years old by the time this finishes, though. :P

- I've managed to encounter only about 3 legal shinies (not gamesharked/action replayed) in my history of poke'mon gaming (red gyarados in gold, a shiny slugma in ruby, and a shiny ghastly in diamond, which ironically happened while i was busy trying to train my Kirlia to evolve...:P) My sister's had more luck than me though at finding shinies. She got the red gyarados, a shiny bellsprout, and a shiny pikachu in silver (and the bellsprout was on her first day of the game.), and TWO shiny electrike on her sapphire (on the same route, male and female...god fucking damn). D/P actually offers more opportunities to get shinies, but you gotta work for it.
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From ANON - Sinners Fan on July 19, 2008
Oh, man!! This is getting way too intense! Awesome work, Slash! Each chapter just gets better and better. I sure hope you update soon. I GOTTA find out what's gonna happen next.
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From ANON - Zannthebored on July 19, 2008
OMG!! CLIFFHANGER!! MY CAPSLOCK IS STUCK!!
ANYWAY, THERE ARE NOW TWO NEW CHARACTERS TO COME INTO THE STORY. SLASH, HAVE YOU DECIDED ON THESE CHARACTERS ALREADY OR WILL YOU BE HOLDING SOME SORT OF INTERNET AUDITION. SORT OF LIKE, PEOPLE MAKE UP CHARACTERS AND SEND THEM TO YOU, AND YOU DECIDE ON TWO TO BE IN THE STORY

AND A PARTING NOTE: THIS STORY IS SO GOOD I WAS SUFFERING FROM WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS THE FIRST WEEK AFTER READING IT! THATS HOW GOOD IT IS!
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From ANON - Hsda MK. II on July 19, 2008
[b]I fail at bolding[/b]
I fail at bolding

Also; I'm trying to figure out whether the Greater One is Arceus or Jirachi. Jirachi's supposed to only grant one wish (AUTHOR'S WRIT OF POWER), but the Greater One had a limit to it's power and Arceus would probably be called the Greatest One, so I'm leaning towards our little Jesus Christ-stand in.
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From ANON - Hsda MK. II on July 19, 2008
**VEGETA**
WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT THIS FIC'S VIEW LEVEL?!

*Crushes scouter*
**IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND**

... Getting that out of the way, in all actuality I thought this latest chapter was kinda weak. It was mostly backstory of what was already implied (human + pokeworld where BAD THENGS HEPPEND), and that Slash/Psymakio have had past incarnations, and that DARKNESS ISN'T PURE EVOL.
The interesting parts were the revealing of the King and Three Princes identities and Electrike's supersonic journey. Also, the revelation of what the Interloper is.
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From Stormborn Apostle on July 19, 2008
Imasuky Lomae---I'll see what I can do, heh, but it's probably best that I submit it as early as I finish it...that way I'll be able to get chapter 24 out sometime before Christmas. XD

Yeah, no sex in this one, and none in the next, either. There could be some in 24, when they're out of the desert, but...not sure.

I hope I get to Fallarbor soon, because that whole ordeal is the climax of the entire story so far...a huge confrontation in the ashlands, with legendary Pokemon and battle and (maybe) sexings...heh. Plus I can't wait to have Kiako come face to face with Psymakio. Perhaps the good guys aren't the only ones who have dreams of the past...

Slash's first kill starts him on a dangerous path...and he will continue on that path in the next chapter. There are still more dangers in the desert.

Cerebrate Fate---Interloper will show up (and be the main focus of) chapter 24. She's going to be a fun character to do...her template is sort of "if Psymakio went motherfucking crazy", lol.

And damn, I wish there was more hentai of Gardie. She deserves it, dammit.

Espy---With my slow-ass update pace, I'm surprised that Sinners stays on the front dozen pages...

You don't gotta switch around anything...I wasn't the one who came up with expository dream/visions, heh.

I read the first chapter (beta'ed it, in fact, lulz), but now I gotta get around to reading the rest.

RoboRed---While there are lots of "I can't tell you any more"'s in Quiero's stories, you might be surprised at how few of those had to be edited in the slimming stages, heh. Cut content included more about the Great Ones in general, the Greater One (whose identity should be pretty simple to figure out), and the Interloper---I ended up cutting out over 3500 words on her, deciding to cut it short and harsh, and wait until chapter 24 to show her in a more detailed way.

I haven't played those games, heh, but yeah, I wanted to show it as a sort of fantasy world. One of the reasons that the castle is so massive is that the King (whose identity, like the Greater One, should be so clear that I no longer have to avoid naming him) is much larger in stature than he is in the game canon (quite a few stories tall). The entire city is made to accommodate damn any Pokemon, regardless of size or physical nature. And while I only vaguely hinted at it, I also decided to solve the predator/prey problem by simply making non-Pokemon animals in the pre-Sinners Kingdom...non-sentient creatures that can be killed and sold, hunted by Pokemon themselves, etc.

While Psymakio doesn't have knowledge of every species in Hoenn, the "extremely alien" Pokemon are, in fact, Pokemon that no longer exist in the Sinners timeline. Such creatures won't be used much at all (maybe never), but I want to make it clear that multiple species of Pokemon did not survive the collapse of the Kingdom---this will also be expanded upon later. However, there won't be any OC Pokemon in this story.

lol, hilariously, I never saw LOTR. Well, I saw the first one, but not the later two. XD

A large goal of this chapter was to begin to provide the "divine justification" for their impulsive decision to abandon their normal lifestyle and take up the chase of Kiako---the true divine justification will occur later, when a higher Pokemon fills them in on what Quiero couldn't and tells them what their true quest's goal must be.

lol, sex can't happen ALL THE TIME, especially not when poor Gardie is half-dead and unconscious. That would be a little fucked up, lol...and that pregnancy spoiler (which will really tick some of you off when it's given in the story, lol) WAS in 22...but that was before I split 22 in half, heh.

I'm way too busy and lazy to host something like a message board, lol (plus, despite my large number of views/reviews/e-mails, I doubt I have enough fans to make an active one).

As for Slash's parents...let me think...assuming I don't halve any more chapters, that'll be in six or seven chapters. It's a chapter I can't wait to write...

Dammit, I haven't encountered one shiny in my current Emerald game. fghdfshdghhd

Vyers---lol, I will try to update faster, but yeah...it might be a few years before this story is done. I shudder to think of the final wordcount...

Max---Glad you like it, and fucking Batman rocks.

He's the goddamn Batman, you know.
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From ANON - Max on July 18, 2008
Jesus Christ.

....

This story gets better and better, I can only wish for MOAR and how.
God damn your awesome story. Now I'll try and go distract myself by watching Batman.

Excellent work as always, please GOD KEEP IT UP!
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From RoboRed on July 18, 2008
Lessee here...how to start this review (and later keep my ADHD-ridden thoughts together)...

"Fucking...mind...blowing..."

Now I see why you held back and did some major editing. I think my head would've exploded if I had to comprehend any more. This backstory is absolutely epic. It's very interesting in how the story took a sudden leap to a completely different world. It's such a radical leap and I could juxtapose it with so many things (mostly video games. Namely Assassin's Creed, since the main character is from a "present" era and is taking a leap back to the era of the crusades in his predecessor's body, and Guild Wars (:Prophecies), where the prologue section of the game takes place two years before the setting of the game, where everything in Ascalon is lush and green and peaceful, but then the Searing takes place and two years later, the place is an apocalyptic wasteland...aaaandd I realize I'm going off on a tangent...ANYWAYS). The era of the First Kingdom of Hoenn was easily visualized with such imagery that someone who plays fantasy/RPG stuff (like me) could easily get off on. I think the best way to keep this next thought together would be a list of questions/comments:

- 1. Daaaaaaaayummmm...O_O
- 2. Unfamiliar Poke'mon? Are these perhaps 4th-gen Poke'mon? Or are you just making this stuff up as you go along and will prolly never use it later and leave us wondering? :P
- 3. The castle part is awesome. To see something like that in real life would be absolutely breathtaking. On two random tangents: it sounds like something from an anime I might have seen before, and did you borrow off of the white castle from LOTR: Return of the King? :P
- 4. Castle is awesome. Fuck, I wish I could draw. (Maybe I could at least try to make a sketch if I can motivate my lazy ass to do it. *sadface*)
- 5. Castle is awesome. Fuck, I wish Slash could draw...then I wouldn't be worrying about this. :P

Bottom line, comparing the backstory to what's happened in all the previous chapters (which I had plenty of time to reread in-between updates thank you very much */sarcasm*), and building off of my last actual chapter review (not my random posting here, and speaking of posting, I'll get to that later), it totally changes the perspective of the story with all that Slash and Psymakio have been through. And it again illustrates how they're not alone in this venture, as bigger it is than the both of them, especially with the introduction of the Shadow (but in thinking back, I think you already mentioned the Shadow in a narrator's perspective back in Chapter 18). As you said, all lines of force are converging, including Flannery, Silver (as most recently revealed :P), Kiako, and Giovanni. Whatever is going to happen soon is going to be epic, and that's what I can tell.

So anyways, I should probably wrap this up soon. So I'll leave with a few random notes and a couple responses to other responses.

- Yaaay! Updateness!!!
- There was no fapping to be found here, BUT IT MATTERS NOT! The wonderful imagery and the backstory MORE than made up for lack of fap!
- *little goth person in back of mind waving flag that says "Yaaaay! Tragedy and Angst! ^_^"*
- THERE WAS NO MENTION OF PREGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!!! LIES AND SLANDER!!! *hits self with hammer and reminds self it will be mentioned in chapter 23* Speaking of which, that sound of shattering glass some might have heard a few days ago was my mind breaking from reading that comment.
- (from speaking about posting) Dude, you really, really, really, really, REALLY should host a message board for all this. Seriously. It would be a great medium for all Sinners fans to converge, share ideas, and random thoughts about upcoming chapters (and of course, talk to you, since you're, like, NEVER on AIM or anything *sadface*). There are quite a few places that will host free, pop-up free message boards. Off the bat, I should mention http://www.proboards.com/ . They host the message board for the gaming clan I'm in. Never had a popup once, and it's all free.
- So, this is only a taste of the Sinner's universe, and Slash and Gardie meet Slash's parents about 20 chapters from now...
...
...
...
...
I'm going to be fucking 35 years old by the time this all finishes...:P
- YAAAY!!! Electrike is evolving! :D
- Dude, I got a DS and Diamond version last month. You really need to get it. (and an emulator isn't going to cut it, I tried. Better experience with the actual thing) There's plenty of stuff to keep one involved for a long time. (the only downside right now is that I don't know anyone else who has a DS AND a version of D/P...and I have a Graveler and a shiny Haunter I want to evolve too, dammit)
- @Cerebrate Fate: Now there's three mediums of gardie stuff for me to look through: AeriesDies, ANGPH (http://agnph.com/home.shtml) and Rule 34. Although I've already looked through the gardie sections of the first two.

Anyways, that wraps up this review/random tangent. PEACE! (and hurry up with the next chapter!)
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From puffball64 on July 18, 2008
Way to knock my story down to number 2 Slash, lol.

Also, read the newest chapter, and loved it. But now I'm concerned.

Alot of the "dream" sequence paralells my story. I might need to switch a few things around to make my story sound a bit more unique.

Speaking of which, Slash you dirty, dirty man, have you read any of my story Ragnarok yet? Gimme your best shot!

;)
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From Bishonen on July 18, 2008
Okay first off I�d like to see the next chapter up on the 31st that�s my birthday and a new chapter would be one of the best presents ever and secondly this chapter cause half of my brain chibis to drop dead so here�s what the ones still alive think

Pervert Chibi : Damn you I wanted Psymakio sex it�s been to long sine there�s been any good Gardevoir porn and all of us are to lazy to writ any.

Smart Chibi : Mister Firestorm I dare say this is without question one of the best pieces of literary masterwork I have ever had the pleasure of reading it was a very well constructed piece that very elegantly conveyed a great deal of plot and emotion in such a way that it was at times easy to forget that the characters were created by someone who has not had several years more experience that what you do I congratulate you on you fine writing skills and eagerly await the next installment of this most excellent and enjoyable narrative.

Emotional Chibi : Wahhhhhhh I fell so bad for that poor prince and Miyako and all those poor pokemon and even Kaiko I mean sure he�s the badguy but he lost the woman he loved maybe just maybe he can redeem himself in this new life Wahhhhh Waaahhhhhhhhhh I can�t stop crying I hope everything turns out well and that not to many people have to suffer.

Evil Chibi : I gotta say I�m really like the Shadow it sounds like the kind of thing I�d side with and of course I�m very found of the Dark I don�t care about anyone other than myself and what makes me happy and one of the things I like is this story so don�t take to long or else.

Otaku Chibi : OH WOW KICK ASS awesome new chapter loved every bit of it I don�t even know where to start everything was so great Slash killing for the first time and realizing just how much it changes you and the flashback the pokemon kingdom sounds so cool and it also proved a lot of my theories actually this chapter told me more than I thought I know you said you had taken a lot out but you left in more than enough for me to put together the pieces and think up some new stuff I already figure out a few things but I�m not going to say anything in case others haven�t figure them out yet but I love the whole thing about the past and guns no longer existing well certain sense and about the interloper I had that figured out before any of the other chibis but I wouldn�t tell them so they beat me with bags of potatoes which has nothing to do with anything I just told you because well I had to tell someone anyways that all I have to say so Bye-Bye.

White Mage Chibi : Thanks a lot for adding a new chapter Half of those idiots were so surprised the dropped iver dead and know I have to bring them all back it�s going to take over twenty pounds of Phoenix down I demand that you reapy me for the cost of it with another chapter posted ON TIME!!!!!!!!!!

Well that�s all my brain chibis have to say for now hopefully the rest will be alright in time for the next chapter until then I�m going to have a hard time thinking with half my mind gone.

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
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