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Reviews for Sinners: Arc 2

By : Stormborn Apostle

From ANON - shad on June 01, 2008
this is great
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From ANON - Cerebrate Fate on May 30, 2008
Above review is 123 get.
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From ANON - Ek on May 30, 2008
Hi again. This should be (slightly) less of an essay than my last review, but it still merits some headers.

REGARDING REVIEW RESPONSE

Slash, I must say, I was impressed with your responses. Your description of the dark immunity to psychic not only cements its plot importance, but also succeeds in making it believable. It's long been clear that you've had a long term plan for this story, and this kind of clear plan is comforting to me. On a related note, I am now quite comfortable with Kiako's defeat at the hands of Giovanni.

I still take issue with ground being totally immune to lightning, based on my original argument about ancillary effects. If the lightning is strong enough, it basically adds a fire attack (heat from the plasma channel) and a sonic or physical attack (rapid expansion from the plasma channel) on top of the electrical attack. Do remember how Rotom's weaker lightning left the mud "blackened and smoldering", while the stronger lightning completely vaporized it.

Types are usually convenient classifications, and in some cases such as psychic and dark I can see how they can be qualitative, but in other cases they're merely quantitative. What makes the Selfdestruct or Explosion attack "normal" type rather than fire type? It's a matter of degree. A flash fire pokemon would probably have no trouble surviving a fire blast, but what if, hypothetically, that fire blast were being delivered by a legendary pokemon? Would not the pokemon be just a little beaten up by the blast part?

While we're on the topic of classification, what separates a fighting type physical attack from a normal type physical attack, or even a flying type physical attack? I believe we would agree that it's simply a difference in delivery, and not necessarily some special damage class. Your take on ground versus flying seems to support this conclusion.

Speaking of the mud, I never did understand, physically, how Corphish produced such a tremendous mass of mud. I mean he covered an arena, thick. Can there be magic in pokemon?

REGARDING SINNERS CHAPTER 21

The end of a story or chapter is what leaves the most vivid impression, and I'll start by saying, um, wow. I'm sorry to say I'm not impressed here. I do however find myself second guessing the disappointment I will be expressing; the flood of positive reviews after you posted the chapter gives me pause. Maybe it's just me that's overreacting.

I'll start with the good. Flannery's connection with Blaziken was especially intriguing to me because it's another example of a normal human telepathically communicating with a nonpsychic pokemon, supporting the hints that "it used to be like this". It's also a more powerful example, considering the circumstances surrounding Watson's connection with Rotom, which is potentially explained by Rotom's fairly unique nature. The voice in the desert that refered to Psymakio as Miyako was a pretty powerful development. Slash sensing the cacturne was also a powerful development. I enjoyed the leadup, the insight into Slash's philosophy, the sandshrew's cave, the plot development, and overall this was a very productive and enjoyable chapter. Then things started to fall apart.

POISON

Before we get into the plot, I'd like to point out that you're making poison a bit more dangerous than it is in the game. Abilities like Toxic already make poison one of the most dangerous types in the game, but it's one thing to expend an action to severely poison a target, and quite another to get a free chance to inflict what appears to be severe poisoning (as though delivered by Toxic) on anything that touches you. The poisoning would by definition have to be severe, since it's been implied that it won't be manageable for long on healing medicine alone. Just be aware of the power balance, and keep asking yourself questions such as why more people in the world you're crafting aren't using the apparently overpowered poison pokemon such as cacturne. There must be some serious weakness?

I need to point out now, no matter how much Psymakio dislikes being in her pokeball, that is probably precisely where she should be to slow down the toxic progression. From what I gather from your mythology, pokemon are slowed into a sort of stasis or hibernation in their pokeballs. From what I know from the game, toxic poison only acts like regular poison when a pokemon is in their pokeball.

Side question: how is the telepathic relay for Slash and the rest of the pokemon still active? I could actually understand if it was an energy drain, a "system" she could simply "turn on", but Psymakio was very clear about it being a matter of concentration, a mental faculty I would imagine wouldn't be focusing on that right now.

PLOT

I did state in my last review that bad things would happen, but I expected them to happen with the same artful elegance that has permeated the story so far. The recent season finale of House MD, intentionally designed to emotionally abuse the audience, was more elegantly executed than this. I don't have a problem with drama, but I do have a problem with drama solely for the sake of drama.

After the almost comically absurd confrontation with the cacturne (enhanced by the aggressors trying to pile into the little cave like some sort of clown car), I found myself asking "well gee, how the hell does ANYBODY survive this desert?". This is an unfortunate question to be asking myself in the middle of a story, because that's the sound of suspension of disbelief breaking. The sound in this case is one of shattering glass. Why? Because it's nonsensical for vital antidotes intended for use in dangerous situations to be stored in fragile glass vials in a completely unprotected box. Maybe they need to be stored in glass so they don't react with their container, but in that case, at the very least, the box itself should be made of plastic.

Maybe I'm subconsciously more enraged right now at being forced to acknowledge that many such things are often so poorly thought out in real life as well. Nevertheless, I do feel the need to state that the durability of glass, especially proper borosilicate glass as used in science and medicine, is often grossly underestimated. It seems mighty unlikely to have had EVERY antidote vial break.

That the healing medicine entirely survived but the curing antidotes entirely didn't just adds further comical insult to injury. I've never seen Finagle's Law caricatured quite this amazingly. If you absolutely HAD to do it the way you did, then it would have been more acceptible and believable if most of the healing medicine had also been mysteriously nuked in the confrontation. Remember, it's not the direction of the plot that bothers me so much as it is the coherence and consistency.

It is at this point evident that, while you knew far ahead of time WHAT you wanted to happen in the story, you had no idea HOW you were going to make it happen, which is what was so delaying this chapter. Unfortunately, it appears you never successfully figured it out.

I still look forward to future chapters. I understand why things fell apart like they did thanks to writer's block. I'll just be happy after you've picked up the pieces and we can all move on. If nothing else I'd like to see Slash learn from this experience, and start storing his vital and fragile pharmaceuticals in a sturdy protective case. Seeing this happen once is bad enough, but letting it happen again would just be stupid.

Sorry about another review that's mostly negativity even though the overall chapter itself was mostly positive. I just feel I don't need to explain why something is good, but I do need to explain why something is bad. This whole personality is pretty much why I stay in the background and don't actively socialize.

Maybe my reaction to this chapter is a testament to how engaged I become, because I think I may just be feeling what Slash would be feeling.
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From ANON - Dante Inferna on May 28, 2008
Simply awe inspiring.
This is grade A in its purest form.
(I wanna see Slash lose his temper. That oughta be fun to watch)
But Gardevoir? Heh. I kinda saw it coming, but still...
Anyway, I hope to see more updates real soon.
I hate waiting.
I am HORRIBLY impatient.
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From Hsda on May 26, 2008
Hmmm...
Miyako means beautiful night child, and was the name basis for Psymakio... Falls in line with the reincarnation idea...
I wonder what the voice was. I can only think legendary pokemon, but which one could it be? [Personally, my hopes say Regigigas, but that doesn't seem likely. Regigigas never seems important :(]
Speaking of, do you even use Fourth-gen pokemon in this fic, or just the first three? Sinnoh is a ways from Hoenn, indeed.

And I would find it completely hilarious if Jirachi actually acts like it was a god and Jirachism really was it's decree. I wonder how Arceus would feel about that?
Hm, if pokemon were to get married, would it be 'Under Arceus'?
(Continues to babble to self)

A.n.y.w.a.y... I hope we get to see more of the other pokemon's personalities, now that Psymakio has allowed them to talk to Slash and the audience.
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From Bishonen on May 26, 2008
To anyobne who likes Lance he cheats and i have proof

Lance has battles with two illegal Pok�mon. The Aerodactyl that knows Rock Slide that he uses in Gold, Silver, and Crystal, and the Dragonite that knows Barrier that he uses in Red and Blue. Furthermore, all his Dragonite from Generation II are underlevelled.

I got that of of Bulbapedia

With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
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From RoboRed on May 26, 2008
A bullet point response to your response, Slash. :P

- Not Lance? Awww....

- LANCE IS T3H AWESOEM. And nothing will change that....unless his image is damaged by him doing something immasculine, like "My Little Ponyta" or something. :P

- Flannery is indeed awesome. Orgy with Flannery? Mmmm...delicious...

- What did I say? There's always a twist.

- I know perfectly well that Gardie's not gonna die, but still can (as with anyone else in the story). I was just voicing out a point that if she DID happen to die (and the story DID happen to continue), I would be half-affected because the resulting storyline (given Slash's already half-dark and unstable personality) would be so deliciously dark I would probably splooge just reading it. I love tragedy. BUT WORRY NOT, PEOPLE. I WISH NO DELIBERATE HARM TO FAIR GARDIE. It's just all up to Slash's crazy muse...

- Yaaaaays! Ass-kicking!

- Really? I must reread...

Anyways, keep up the good work!
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From ANON - Splenge on May 26, 2008
"Not Lance", eh?
Well, fuck, now I guess I'll have to look up redheaded Pokemon characters.
Probably safe to say it's not Silver. Or is it?

As for the voice in the desert, there's only one possibility in my mind, and that's a certain legendary Pokemon made of rock. 'Course, I could be wrong - but as it is now, my assumptions tie in pretty well with my best guess to past history of the world of Sinners.

Assuming Gardie survives the desert (well, it'd be pretty fucking depressing if she didn't, and she's a big character in the story, so we'll just say she does) are you going to say anything about the TM Slash bought for her earlier on? And on a related note, how do they work in the Sinners world?

Thanks for a good read, and keep writing.
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From Stormborn Apostle on May 26, 2008
Hsda MK. II---Nope, I haven't, lol. Game sounds cool yet complicated, heh.

RoboRed---Hilariously, I didn't even think of having Lance in Sinners until someone thought that the red-haired guy was him. Now I should include him somewhere. Maybe have Kiako kill him just to have a bad-ass moment?

lol, nah, I'd make Lance cooler than that. We'll see.

Flannery is awesome. My original plans called for her to only briefly appear and never be seen again afterwards, but I revised my outlines and now she'll be a more prominent character. Her Blaziken-love was also a post-planning change, heh. Her and Slash will meet later, and I plan to pop out a oneshot involving the two couples getting naughty, ranging from watching each other fuck to threesomes/full-out orgy. XD We'll have to see how crazy I'm feeling when I get around to that.

While Gardie will survive (although that doesn't mean she's immune to being killed), the poisoning will influence her far beyond simply whupping her ass for a while---you'll see what I mean in the next chapter.

Don't count on all the good guys making it to the end. While not even I know who will be standing at the end of the story, I do have a list of people who are definitely going to die...and not all of them are bad guys. :'(

Slash might have to do a little bit more fighting himself in the next chapter---right now it's just him, Graveler, Corphish, and Growlithe against an entire pack of Cacturne. And sunrise is a long way off.

Miyako was mentioned briefly and non-importantly in an earlier chapter; the plotmails provide more of a hint.

Anon---Glad you like it! :-D

Cerebrate Fate---If I had to split the desert in half, you know I had to end it on something cliffhangery, heh.

Satoku---It won't take as long. Chapter 22 should be significantly shorter than 21, even though more days pass in 22 than in 21. There are several 'not much happens' days ahead, but there's also a couple big bangs left in the desert...

Sinners Fan---It hurt me to hurt her, I swear.
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From Stormborn Apostle on May 26, 2008
Araquiell---Sometimes I wonder whether I should continue with occasionally-updated but very long chapters, or switch to often-updated but shorter ones. I don't know how everyone else feels, but when I see that one of my favorite fics has been updated, I like to see a long chapter that lets me lay back for a while and enjoy. I dunno, lol.

Vyers---I thought about stopping after the sex, but I wanted to be a dick and show what happens to people who fuck and forget that there are FUCKING WALKING CACTI IN THE AREA. :-(

I don't intend to die before finishing it, lol, but if I do...hm, maybe I should make a notepad document with the basic sketch of the entire story, and decree in my will to have it sent out in the event of me getting squished by a car or something...

Incidentally, my favorite author, Stephen King, got hit by a van and almost got killed in 1999---lots of people were worried that he'd die before finishing the Dark Tower series. Thankfully he kept on trucking, heh.

Imasuky Lomae---Flannery and Blaziken are not true complete mates yet---they've gotten it on, but haven't finalized the deal with their ultimate bonding ceremony. Reason? Blaziken matings leave a physical mark on the female, and although it's small and not like, inscribed on the forehead or anything, a Gym Leader can't afford to have that kind of evidence on them.

Will they become full mates later? Maybe, heh.

Slash and Psymakio ARE going to visit Slash's family eventually---perhaps shortly after the Fallarbor storyline concludes, even (which should be only three or four more chapters). It'll be a pretty pivotal scene---almost as pivotal as when Kiako finds out about it.

You can e-mail me about your suspicions and I can confirm/deny if you want. The King should be obvious; the Shadow, pretty obvious; the Interloper, not very obvious, although people getting the plotmails might have a better clue (I need to send out another one, incidentally).

Unfortunately, you're wrong about Lance. It is not Lance, lol---he's not the only fuck in Pokeland to own a Dragonite, ya know. XD

As for who it is...well, it might be a bit harder to guess than other stuff, because I've taken enormous liberties with the character (re-wrote the canon history/personality for him, made up a totally different Pokemon team, etc). The red hair is the best clue, as there's only so many redheads in Pokemon.

And no, it's not a sex-changed Misty. Although that would be fucking hilarious.

The voice that Psymakio heard is very important, yes. The pack will visit the desert again later in the story, venturing into its heart instead of hugging the perimeter, and what they find will change everything. While the speaker is related to both of them in a way, it's more closely connected to Psymakio---hence why only she could hear it.

Gardie (I decided to introduce the little pet-name from Come Whatever Storms into Sinners, since it's so cute, heh) and her shields are pretty cool, yes, but not perfect. Even though she got caught by surprise at the end of the chapter, she would have been fucked even if she had raised a shield---Dark Pokemon and attacks are unaffected by psychic-created shields. Poor thing.

You know, I was actually considering changing my outline (and, considering the importance of the final Pokemon, the entire story) by having the Sandshrew replace the Pokemon I intended to be the seventh pack member. But nah, I just love the future ally too much to replace it. The most important thing about the Sandshrew scene is this: Slash is espousing views that directly contradict the views of both society and nature. And yet they often work. Consider his role as a free-thinker and peace-bringer as the story goes on---it will help you understand his true role in the world more quickly.

I came up with Slash's new views of training because of a little daydream I had a while ago, of Slash capturing every trainer-injured Pokemon he passes on a route, bringing them to a Pokemon Center, and later releasing all of them at once. Sort of cleaning up after the trainers who don't give a shit and cut through the local ecosystem.

There may be a Slash/Kirlia oneshot sometime. I intended for Psymakio to be a Kirlia a lot longer in Sinners, but...my muse had different ideas. So I got some leftover ideas about that pairing that I can use somewhere. :-D

MAGIKARP, USE A SPLASH ATTACK
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From ANON - Sinners Fan on May 26, 2008
Oh shit...! Not Gardevoir! I gotta find out what's gonna happen next! Please update real soon!
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From Satoku on May 25, 2008
SLASH

GOD DAMN YOU

LEAVING A CLIFFHANGER LIKE THAT

Hurry up with the next chapter, or the suspense is going to kill me D:
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From ANON - Cerebrate Fate on May 25, 2008
You BASTARD! You made a f**king HUGE cliffhanger! AND I HATE CLIFFHANGERS! If you take as long to get the next chapter out as you did with this one then I swear, I will do SOMETHING. I am not sure what, but rest assured it will be bad. Also, Great story.
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From ANON - Anon on May 25, 2008
I'm loving this story more and more after each chapter. It's wonderfully written.
Keep up the good work!
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From RoboRed on May 25, 2008
Oh, and that voice in the desert, I think that might have something to do with the interloper. Miyako sounds like a name...a female name. The interloper is female, and sounds like she lost someone (as mentioned earlier in I-forget-which-and-am-too-fucking-lazy-to-look-it-up Chapter).
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