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Reviews for The Good Left Undone

By : Sorlinhe
  • From draygon on January 16, 2009
    Alright. I enjoyed the plot forming in this first chapter. Your character, although a bit heavy handed (which he has every reason to be), is believable given his past.

    Now, don't take this personally, but I feel that you would do quite well if you found a Beta. There are several punctuation, spelling and grammar mistakes throughout your story. I know that when you read your own work your mind corrects these mistakes because you know what you were trying to say. You need a fresh set of eyes to catch the small mistakes that make a simple sentence almost unreadable.

    One thing, however is your use of ellipses. These are the ... that you put in supposedly to denote when a sentence or speech ends dramatically or if their cut off. The correct use of these is to signal a missing word or words. For example, if your character is listening to a radio transmission and it cuts out every few words, then you would use the ellipse. Also, the correct way to use it would be . . . , and if it ended a sentence . . . .

    A Beta would be able to explain these things better than I could. Don't let this discourage you, you have a good story on your hands. You just need to refine it and will will shine.
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  • From puffball64 on July 08, 2008
    This was definately a nice read. Can't wait for the next chapter.

    Also, love the TWEWY references toward the end. Great game.
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  • From Perfect Purity on July 07, 2008
    I'm glad you started over.

    This was a big improvement from your last version. Well written, and I enjoyed the added scene between Rio and the grunt. I can't wait for the next chapter. :]
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