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Reviews for Moxibustion Violation

By : hsaotome

From ANON - Pariah on October 14, 2009
Believe it or not, I actually read chapter 19 on the very day you posted it, but at the time, I didn't have the time to review and only now, more than a month later, I am able to do so. Sorry for the delay on my part. I guess we're even now!

Kidding. ;)

I have quite a few compliments, some suggestions, and one criticism.

First and foremost: excellent chapter. Using the markers was both the more logical and appropriate direction; it worked extremely well. It reminded me a great deal of Lilith games--if you've heard of them. Having Akane beg Raiden to tear up Ranma's ass harder and harder was absolutely priceless. And while Akane's one-sided conversation with P-chan was definitely contrived, it was still the best way to cue Ryouga in to the goings on. You're right that there were some noticeably disjointed moments, but they didn't affect the fic's overall quality.

The general feel of this chapter was--moreso than the previous ones--Akane doing what comes natural to her (at this point) while Ranma just comes along for the ride. Before, Ranma was a lot more uncooperative and ornery, now she knows the score better, and you've given her more opportunity to actually see and observe how Akane's really reacting to her new lifestyle and, incidentally, conforming to it herself.
This was very well laid out through some subtle nuances like having Ranma notice Akane's uninhibited display while changing, having her notice how Akane was coming up with her own monologue rather than just repeating Michio's lip-service verbatim, making her see how apparent it was that Akane enjoyed riding Hikaru, and the clear distinction between her reaction and Akane's to Hikaru's presence while they cleaned eachother--unlike Ranma, Akane wasn't even fazed by Hikaru sneaking up on 'em; she just dug right in there and shut Ranma up--all of this serves as a great buildup to Ranma actually considering compromising his fiance, splitting her right down the middle with Gos.

And I also sense to some degree that Ranma is becoming a tad more feminine/submissive as a result. Everything Akane was doing and having done to her carried undertones of almost conscious enjoyment on her part, and Ranma couldn't help but absorb the reality of that enjoyment on a more UNconscious level, reflecting Akane's guilty and humiliating pleasure on herself even while she was in agony; when you mentioned how Ranma was struggling not to respond to Kaori's thrusts, she also went Akane's route and crafted her own monologue rather than quote his speech word for word even after she mentioned how she wished Akane would refrain from doing so herself. I'm not sure if you hinted at this or not, but this makes a growing feminine sexual identity a very workable plot-device for Ranma's character.

I can't help but wonder why Hikaru wants Ranma to attend the punishment session dressed in that getup unless....He's finally going to get his piece of her after very patiently biding his time and earning her begrudging trust. I'd imagine you'd use Akane to coax Ranma into doing what Hikaru wants. At this point, she's just as liable to fall for his mind games. Then again, I could just as easily see this as Hikaru's way of solidifying Akane's role as his part-time fucktoy, and making Ranma watch and come to terms with the idea of Akane regularly sleeping with another guy is his way of finally getting back at Saotome for causing an excruciating inferiority complex that he's had to struggle with until this time. In which case, that would leave Ranma more or less free even if Akane wouldn't be....Which brings me to Ryouga.

Going back to the point where Akane informs Ryouga of the situation, we see quite a few things happen and have a whole lot more possibilities open up for the characters. Let me first start by saying that I was ecstatic by the idea of Ryouga using Akane, making her addicted to him, and then tossing her aside for the sake of pursuing Ranma. It almost felt as though my idea was making a comeback, which made me all giddy! You definitely had me with that......But then you lost me when you had Ryouga vow to basically steal them both away from Michio; not totally sure why Haido would care that much. I can understand him losing his temper, but not to the point of changing the gameplan. But if you must, then you must.

The way I see it, you can approach the set up you've concocted a couple of different ways. In both scenarios, Ranma and Akane essentially switch masters: either Ranma and Akane both go to Ryouga OR Akane goes to Hikaru and Ryouga takes Ranma as his ultimate prize.

The Ryouga exclusivity angle would help Akane and Ranma's situation somewhat (as well as suit your buildup to a semi-happy ending) as it puts them in the hands of a just-as-depraved, yet still more inhibited than Michio (see also: even Haido felt Michio went too far), Ryouga ala Haido. Ryouga's torture and depravity can be unique in that, rather than implementing humiliation through exhibition and repeating lies, he treats Ranma as delicately and lovingly as possible, making her feel agonizingly feminine, while at the same time showing Akane what she can't have--perhaps even going so far as to tell her outright that she's a slut undeserving of his attention. Like his original plan, he gets her hooked, but instead of tossing her aside, he forces her to watch him go to work on Ranma. While this is going on, he works behind the scenes--as the more resourceful and scheming Haido--to fuck over Michio and co., perhaps while using Hikaru as an unwilling accomplice. Maybe even going so far as to gain enough leverage to force him into trading Akane and Ranma for, say, Ukyo (since he now knows she's no better than Michio and wouldn't mind). In the end, he'd keep the pictures and be the sole blackmailer. And, of course, somewhere in between, Ranma and Akane get their alone time since Haido is apparently not as harsh of a master as Michio--and this isn't even mentioning the fact that he can still play a game of keepaway using the chart!

But just as easily I could see a compromise where Ryouga cuts Akane off from sex completely, and she's forced to watch Ranma go crazy with orgasms. But this time, in desperation, she runs to Hikaru (and maybe Hiroshi), who will gladly fulfill her sexual desires as per a plan worked out by both him and Ryouga as Haido carried out the footwork in shutting down Michio's operation.

This all depends on the mother of all questions (to me anyway), which is: are you going to allow Ranma to figure out that Ryouga's changed as a result of the pressure points? And if you do, are you going to allow the work to be undone?

At first, I was anxious to have them find out and see it undone. Now, I'm actually more inclined to see it maintained. Or you can have Ranma figure it out while being unable to undo it at the same time, forcing her to acknowledge that Ryouga's in a sorry state like herself--granted certainly not as bad--and reluctantly having to let go of her anger to some extent while he fucks her.

Whatever ending you decide on, I'll be very interested to see what you end up doing with Ryouga at this point.

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From ANON - Anon on October 13, 2009
---Oi, where are you? I know that you are out there. This fic hasn't died, has it?
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From ANON - TimmyTheKaye on October 11, 2009
I know this fic is dead now, but I just wanna let you know that you did a hell of a job. This fic is extremely hot.
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From Animedevildog on October 05, 2009
Your a damn good writer, and I think I'll be continuing to read this story. Although the topic I find disturbing, I cannot help but wish to read more.
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From Animedevildog on October 05, 2009
Damn.... That was very well written, though I do not know if I would be able to read any more. Just the first chapter alone was brutal as hell. Granted, I'm not the biggest fan of Akane, (preferring Ukyo and shampoo) but thats something to horrible to imagine upon anyone.

Still, I find myself with an urge to read more.
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From ANON - Anon on September 27, 2009
---Am I to assume that the next chapter will be up soon?
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From Imsadistic on September 24, 2009
This story is incredibly well written. Yes, its dark, but its fic, so who cares. You seriously should consider becoming a professional writer. Yah! Someone that can write smut and have a great plot too. Take a bow woot woot :)
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From ANON - Anon on September 10, 2009
Slight request: I know you're going for humiliation more than anything else, but I am wondering if you will be stepping into bondage themes soon. It's getting to be one of the few things you haven't used as much as much as I think you can. I mean, I remember a scene or two, but nothing special.
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From ANON - thtiger on August 28, 2009
Welcome back. Real life is a bitch ain't she. I'll miss the rapid update, but I'll take eventually over never any day. The latest chapter was a bit scattered as you said. You could see where you had put it down and picked it back up again. But it was a fun read still. You certainly had the guys being inventive in this chapter. Wonder what they'll come up with next. I'm also wondering how Ryouga is going to top them. Makes me very curious as to what you might have in mind for him to do to them.

Did you take into concideration that no amount of scrubbing will take off Magic marker completely? If so it would be a good call on the part of the guys to decorate them on the first day of the break. It should have worn off by the time they get back to school. And the guys will get to giggle at how clever they are everytime the girls strip down in front of them.

Also looking forward to Hikaru's punishment of Akane, and find the fact that he pretty much ordered Ranma to come as well interesting given his avowed lack of interest in Ranma-chan. Is his resolve weaking? This guy certainly hopes so.

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From Scorpinac on August 26, 2009
Damn it, damn it, damn it! Curse you, Haido!! Curse you to Hell!! I knew he wasn't out of the way completely.(To be honest, I had to recheck chapter 10 for a minute because I could have sworn Ranma told Ryoga what had happened right before Happosai smacked his pressure points.) While part of me does hope that they encounter Ryoga in human form again soon, at the same time I'm not looking forward to what that encounter will bring... And of course there's still Ukyo to worry about when she finally turns up again. Hopefully Kuno is in a Russian prison, but I suppose we'll just see about that one, huh? By the way, what about Kodachi? Will she ever factor into this, not that I want her too, just asking. Oh, well. Until chapter 20, I guess. Laters.
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From ANON - Anon on August 24, 2009
---Still waiting on that next chapter. What's up?
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From ANON - Anon on August 17, 2009
---Be patient Pariah. The author has control over how fast the updates come, and real life controls the author. The only thing we can do is make sure that the author knows that we are waiting on the next chapter.
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From ANON - Pariah on August 11, 2009
Are you trying to tell us that real life takes precedent over Akane and Ranma getting raped!!??

HOW DARE YOU!

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From ANON - Anon on August 09, 2009
---I found interest in this fic a while back. Not sure why, but I did. You kept a pretty decent update rate then. Now, you haven't written anything in a while. Is everything OK?
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From ANON - Pariah on July 28, 2009
Uh oh. Fujimori's on the case! What could this mean? Is this a revelation that Akane's behavior is related to blackmail or just more evidence to him that she's a total wanton slut? Either way, he's involving principal Kuno, and who knows what could come of that.....Seriously, I have no idea where you're going with it, but it should be interesting.

I imagine Ucchan's is going to be the backdrop for that sapphic rape scene you hinted at. Akane and Ranma get careless one day and are too busy in the midst of coitus to notice that a surprised and very angry Ukyou has walked through the door. Neither one would really be in any shape to fight her off...Well Ranma would I suppose, but he could have a set of circumstances that make him a little too slow in his pursuit of incapacitating her.

And wow, I didn't expect Ryouga to be back so soon...But I guess a fairly long time has passed from the characters' perspective. Please PLEASE let him get ahold of Ranma again--even if it's not in front of Akane like I had previously hoped. Now that Ryouga isn't so confused about his state, his approach is probably going to be different now that he thinks of her in the superlatively feminine context. With all the other girls, Haido would probably just be concerned with his own pleasure, but with Ranma being the fascinating sexual oddity that he can't get his mind off of, he's sure to be absolutely obsessed with making her go insane with pleasure. And the fact that there's a degree of emotional reciprocity between the two is probably going to make her just a BIT more receptive than usual. As you pointed out in the previous installments, she could easily admit to herself that her experiences with Ryouga were preferable to Michio and friends. And incidentally, Ryougs finding out that someone other than had been partaking of her feminine delights would probably drive him into a jealous, territorial rampage--which would be fairly interesting to see.

Anyway, the pack is within their reach now, but I imagine Ryouga's not gonna be any help in pointing out its location to them. Hell, Haido just might use Ranma's motivation to get ahold of it as a point of leverage--assuming your aren't going to let Ryouga subdue Ranma with raw physical strength.

On an entirely different matter: I'm remiss to say in this case that it hurts the story (because you haven't really done anything with it yet), but in Ranma 1/2 fanfiction, I tend to notice that despite very good writing, any attempts to disrupt the status quo of the characters with regards to abilities and/or goals comes across as a tad self-indulgent. When a writer feels the desire to adapt these very impractical character(s) by bringing up very down to earth ideas, it almost always comes off as forced. Case in point: Ranma's pursuit of college and training Akane.

The former is easily ignorable since you're probably not gonna cover Ranma buckling down to become a bread-winner or something; you're insuring that he's far too busy with....Other things. But the conversation between them about Akane's abilities sent up warning flags for me. Ranma's analysis of Akane's abilities felt eerily similar to a lot of the other "Ranma and/or Akane decide to mature" stories where emotionally imbalance, fairly immature teens start acting like adults and train regularly to become more functional martial artists. This essentially removes all the flaws, quirks, and foibles that make these characters worth reading about and turns them into Mary Sues--this isn't to say that you're writing is even remotely Mary Sue, but it happens to the best of us sometimes without us even noticing (especially me).

In this particular case, I would suggest that you do not play up the idea of Akane's training actually going anywhere. Making her a formidable fighter would remove her particular character quirk as Ranma's damsel in distress. Even in the series when she trained intensively a couple times, her overall abilities as a fighter never actually changed. Takahashi knew that this would have diminished her role. Before considering the idea of increasing her clout in Nerima's community of martial artists, keep this in mind.

By far, the most notable and well written scene in this segment was Akane's dalliance with Hiroshi in front of the window. Having her subconsciously try and expose herself was brilliant. That part just did me in.

I look forward to whatever verbal humiliation you have cooked up for Akane and Ranma in the next chapter. I'm also still curious about how Daisuke's gonna turn out. While I'm sure Hiroshi's gonna be put off by the fact that he's been using damaged goods this whole time, he seems to conscientious to join Michio whole-heartedly, but Daisuke's still a wild card.

Good chapter.
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