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Reviews for Percentage of being...

By : YamanashiOchinashiIminashi
  • From ANON - Silverwindfara on June 27, 2015
    Great story, thanks for sharing
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  • From Ruin_Takada on June 12, 2012
    Please, Let me give you a few tips:

    First of all, always paragraph. Always, ALWAYS paragraph. Not only is a written work considered poor if there are no paragraphs, it is also extremely hard to follow. No one can or will understand what is going on if they can't follow it, and that is extremely off-putting.

    Second complaint: Script formats, with only dialogue and some stage directions, are fine - at least, I've nothing against them (if you want to do this exclusively, study some published scripts, or maybe download the leaked WarnerBros Death Note script and study that). However, that does require starting a new line for every new speaker. Yes, these are conventional, and maybe you want to break convention a bit and be original (running in a different direction to the crowd is always fun, I'll admit) - however, if you want people to understand what they are reading, stick to this convention.

    While I said I have nothing against script formats, that's just my personal opinion: Not everyone does. Some people, especially those who have a more puritan view towards fanfiction, may say that as this is a site for prose, each story should be prose - that means dialogue and narrative. If you still don't understand what I mean, then pick up a work of fiction. It doesn't matter what, specifically (even Twilight will do), because virtually every published work of fictional prose will show you what I mean. If you complain that, yes, you do understand what I mean and you're not an idiot, so I shouldn't treat you like one, well, take a good look at this fic again. Every writer puts a piece of themselves in what they write, and from what I see of the piece of you inside this fic, it doesn't seem you do understand.

    Until you learn more about the craft of creative writing, I suggest you find yourself a willing beta-reader who will straighten this out for you. Until it comes back polished and shining, you're not going to get any reviews about the story specifically, but more reviews like mine, telling you to buck this writing trend and shape up before you come back.

    I don't mean any harm, really, I just thought you'd prefer to here that you need work than let you go for too long without a word.

    Thanks,
    Ruin Takada XXX
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  • From danaeonyx on March 21, 2010
    That was amazing! The emotions really came across in the writing. I just wish there was more to read! :) well done.
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  • From sashocirrione on March 01, 2010
    This is nice and very hot. I rarely noticed and English-as-a-second-language problems.
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