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Reviews for Ash Loves Heat

By : sainmoth14
  • From ANON - 1538-2S on January 22, 2013
    Uhmm.. This is not a rage comment or anything like that, I just wanted to give an advice, because when I first read this fic there was something wrong, that I couldn´t really describe and after dedicating a minutes to analyzing it I realized that your writing is in some way errated during sex scenes. Not so bad but, let me give you an example:
    ¨Ash moaned hotly as Quilava started licking his already trobbing dick, and Charizard got his back door already starting to penetrate him with his dick, stretching Ash´s hole producing both a sweet and already building pleasure. Infernape watched his too friends have his way with his trainer, so he closed his eyes and started jacking off to the sweet moans of his trainer.¨
    You need to describe better every action to make it more interesting and not put simply ¨infernape felt left out and jacked off¨put more detail on it and i´m sure your fics will be even better :)
    -N
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