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Reviews for What Lies at the Core

By : Twill
  • From WhiteWolfMoonHowl on April 05, 2013
    That was.....far darker than I would have thought possible. Great job. ^_^ I look forward to reading more. -WWMH-
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  • From ANON - Recal on January 28, 2013
    I really enjoyed this chapter. It feels like your writing is picking up in intensity and filling out. This is the meat of it.

    Keep up the progress,
    Recal
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  • From RAW19 on January 10, 2013
    Most excellent. I enjoyed these last 2 chapters and look forward to more.

    Betrayel or serious misunderstanding......i must know!
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  • From ANON - Recal on January 09, 2013
    Hey Twill, nice chapter here! I almost missed it!

    I like the fact that things are finally starting to pick up for her. She is still a tortured lonely soul but at least now she can channel her vengeance.

    I noticed one part where she was trying to intimidate him.
    " She had been shorter than her, but he had to look up to meet those piercing eyes."

    I think you got your pronouns jumbled up, and since it's at such a highly tense part of the reading I noticed it.

    Looking forward to the next chapter!
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 07, 2013
    I'm really enjoying this story. I don't have much to really comment on your writing as i don't see many flaws in it at all.
    you write really well, and you update fairly often. I read and enjoy all of your stories, but this one is certainly my favorite.
    I just wanted to let you know i read your stories and i think they're all great.
    Keep up the good work.
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  • From WhiteWolfMoonHowl on January 06, 2013
    Things are starting to get very interesting. Keep up the great writing. ^_^ -WWMH-
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  • From ANON - Recal on December 27, 2012
    Yes! Good update, lots of progression in this one. She gets more angsty every day. It would be nice to see her channel that into her fighting or training somehow, but then again, she is a soft 'city' pokemon.

    Could it be...father...son...? No, I must not spoil!

    Happy New Year!
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  • From RAW19 on November 23, 2012
    Quite an interesting read and Zoroark stories seem rare nowadays. I look forward to future updates.
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  • From Impstar on October 29, 2012
    This is a very different attitude. What's up with this attitude? It's very "tough" love at best, and downright manipulative at worst. Are there any thoughts you can give me without major spoilers?
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  • From ANON - Recal on September 23, 2012
    Ha-Ha! Here we go! I really like the new trainer! He seems like a cool/tough guy. Treeco is definitely an underrated pokemon, but thank goodness they're both nicer than the master. I wonder if Rel can learn to trust and love again~ Also, I love that she turned into a Zangoose. It's like a subconscious homage.
    Question: At the end, the icy grasp on Rel, was that the chip that the master installed in her?
    Last thing, //“So you can talk,” the human said finally, breaking the silence."// I read this first as "So you CAN talk," with the emphasis on "can" instead of "So." I recommend putting some kind of pause between 'so' and the rest of the sentence so that people like me can tell that he's just searching for idle conversation with his new monster pokemon that hates him, rather than being astonished at his talking pokemon. lol Anyway, thanks for the updates! Truck on!
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  • From ANON - Recal on September 20, 2012
    Hey Twill! I liked this chapter. Poor thing just can't get a break from nobody. She is twitching crazy. Her pokemon, (or "animal" instincts) only reaffirm her master's cruel words. I can't believe he left her hanging like that though, nice twist! I thought this chapter was well-edited, or maybe I was just too caught up to make any suggestions. Thanks for updating, can't wait to see what happens.
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  • From ANON - Recal on August 29, 2012
    Hey Twill!

    I still like this story quite a bit, even thought this chapter had a few rough edges. I really liked some of the descriptions you used; especially this line:
    " Rel dragged herself to her feet, not taking her eyes off the floor. Those cold features had been emblazoned into her mind; she didn't need to look up to feel the contempt he felt for her. "

    That really struck a chord with me. She is traumatized now and she kind of begrudgingly accepts it. I do like the tests that she is being put through to see her character strength and pain tolerance but I feel as if the main villain, "Master" as we know him, is a bit 2d. He needs more depth to him to really get me going on hating or loving him for his evil. Perhaps he feels that way when compared to how fleshed-out and human Rel feels with her inner turmoil, but she is really the only person I care about in one way or the other at the moment.

    Thanks for another good chapter, keep writing!
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  • From WhiteWolfMoonHowl on August 26, 2012
    Aside from a few grammatical mistakes (which aren't bad enough that I couldn't figure out what was being said) This still remains remarkably well-written. I do wish you would update more often, though I am rather fond of the direction this seems to be going. I like the flow of this story, and look forward to the next update. -WWMH-
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  • From ANON - Recal on August 10, 2012
    Pretty awesome story so far! Love the pacing and your style is really enjoyable. :) Keep up the good work!
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  • From Coelacanth on July 15, 2012
    I'm really interested in this one. Not many stories focus on Zoarak and Unova, not many that I've read at least. I've read your other work, Uncertain Future, and I know your writing style is excellent. So, another good storyline provided by a good writer is something that I'm pretty excited about. Too many of my favorite stories have just died without a good ending, I hope to see all of yours completed.
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