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Reviews for Love\'s Flaring Light

By : Relena
  • From MadoushiClef on March 23, 2008
    Considering I had to sit down and read the whole damned thing this deserves a review. So, how about Aristotle style?

    I love your plot. I like the idea, and the minion bad-guy goes in line with the show very well.
    Love the characters, of course. I like the idea of Byakuen's influence. He can be pretty snarky, which is a nice break, but I'll get to that in diction.
    Good theme: United we stand, divided we fall. Love conquers all.
    Diction is your biggest area to work on. Stories must be shown, not explained. Sometimes the guys talk like textbooks and simply explain what's happening with them instead of it actually happening in them. Description will be your friend if you just cultivate it's presence. I lure mine out with deliberate picture in my mind and go from left to right. And chocolate helps too. I know it's an old story, and you might have even forgotten about it, but I think it could be polished to a shiny, shiny diamond. If you feel like putting forth the effort to edit. (And please, please fix the formatting strangeness and typos the change-overs have given you.)
    Right, music. Um, no background music screwing with my own selection, check. Good job.
    Spectacle: Ou, sex is the spectacle, right? Not bad, not bad at all. Again, description will be your friend, and Sage is pale, not golden.

    All in all, not bad. Remember to show not tell and if you want to polish the story I will gladly come back and read again. Along with the sequels where the boys take out the main bad guy.
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  • From ANON - Demonwing on April 21, 2004
    I just wanted to tell you that I think your fic is wonderful so far. A very well thought out plot that is a combination of humor, romance and angst. I absolutely love this story so far and can't wait to see more. I especially can't wait to see how Shin is going to tell everyone that they must consumate their relationships. Seiji and Touma will take this especially well considering. Poor Touma...


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