Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Reviews for Shuichi SongTo Yuki

By : sabbie

From ANON - Blue Siren on December 15, 2004
Can I beta this for you? You seriously need grammar work. What edition Word do you have? The latest ones can be set to advice in grammar ans spelling, not that reliable, but its a start. I have a fic posted a few spaces down from yours its called Break Through, read a little of it, and if you like my style enough to entrust me your fic, I'll beta this for you^^

Blue
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From sabbie on December 15, 2004
i need to learn how to read the reviews right of the site insteed of having to do this every time
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From ANON - Giggle the Fairy on December 07, 2004
Look, I don't wish to point out the obvious BUT! dntfckwifme DOES have a point about the lay out of your um 'song' (?) it was bunched up and, well took a lot of concentration to actually read the words. Also, 'Stop rng sng stop ' I have no clue what you meant to put there... AND dntfckwifme! YOU STARTED THE 'SLAG' thing by the way! both of you, it's hard to believe that such 'author's' wouldn't notice a mistake like a missing 'n'!

'Yuki wanna be ' here, I won't comment on how you constructed that sentance AtemSabbieQueenOfEgypt, but! Please, take care when you start trying to belittle people by compairing them to imaginary characters. Your comparison is very weak, and the amount of fallacies in it is sickening. It's almost like you've never seen Gravitation... Yuki never wannted to be with Shuichi, he pissed of the guy because he could, not to trick him to fall in love with him. You want a review, here it is. I've give you my suggestions on your work, and how to improve this. Don't use my criticism as a board of which to dive off, and unduly use a pathetic 'strawman' arguement base to make it look like my comments are pathetic, because I am an awful person and therefore wrong about my suggestions. I'm not going to say you can't write, that would be taking it a little too far... anyone CAN write, that's the power of the internet and a word processor (which by the way would pick up on your grammer mistakes, and spelling errors if you ever bothered to use one) but please, in future take more pride in your work, and make it into the work of art that Gravitation is. And it is art, not a half-arsed attempt at writing a song that you couldn't even be bothered to format, or spend more time then was needed to crudely construct it. If you spent as much time writing is as you did trying to sell your self in the A/N's then, well! it probably wouldn't be good still, but at least not as cringe-worthy as this.
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From ANON - dntfckwifme on December 07, 2004
-BURSTS OUT FUCKING LAUGHING-

What, you think I'm pathetic enough to want to act like an anim� charcter, because I want to go ~out~ with you? The HELL? You crazy arse bloody idiot! Here I am, telling you that you SUCK as a writer, and you jump to the UNCORRECT conculsion, that I ~fancy~ you? Girl, you have some serious problems. Get your head out of the sand, and stop making excuses! Jeez. And ~hello~, I'm a girl. Bloody nora, you are thick; you're the only writer I know, who has taken it to such extremes to ignore constant warnings on how ~shit~ your writing is. And no way do you have a husband - aw, and ~look~ everyone, she's learnt a few Jap. words and thinks she's all that. Get a load of this shit, eh? You are so ~full~ of yourself. So, lemme see... you're not native English, you're 21, you have a husband and your family recently had a loss - which was a garden plant.

...

Get a grip, alright? Pathetic werdio.

dntfckwifme
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From sabbie on December 06, 2004
You know if i didn't know any better i would say you are trying to be a Yuki wanna be because this seems all to odd that when Shuichi first met Yuki in the first dvd he said that Yuki cept pissing him off to the point he had to find him and tell him he is wrong so why is it that this has all the makings of that you keep saying mean things about me just as Yuki did to Shuichi please will any else not see this pattern this is far to much like Shuichi and Yuki and if it is then i suggest you stop trying to be Yuki because unlike Shuichi I ALREADY HAVE A MAN so stop trying to be with me and stop trying to pull a Yuki on me and to ever one else that reveiws this fic i don't take to kindly to wanna be anime charters most of all Yuki because if you want my say Yuki is TEN TIMES better then you will ever be even if he is anime so please every one else who sees this pattern as i do please tell this Yuki wanna be he has nothing and i mean NOTHING on Yuki Yuki is far to good for the likes of this guy thank you all for the time to hear my own review of this fic Arigatou Sayounara and one other thing my Otto ( My Husband) is not all to happy with how rude some peolpe can be over the internet Gomen ne for now knowing of how some peolpe can be very rude online well i must go Arigatou to thoses who are not rude Bakas and Sayounara please enjoy my story if you do if not they you are not being forced to read it just as the Baka is not being forced as well ^_^
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From sabbie on December 06, 2004
................................................
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From sabbie on December 02, 2004
ok so i may not be the best writer out there but what you said is wrong and curel yes i did learn slag first if that makes you happy for me to admit to it i had a computer before i moved to the USA but i never spoke English with it so it was manily slag i learned fist because i used it even before i was learning English and for your rude comment about my age if you want to know my feelins your are the one who be a 5 year old child talking about some one your never met in a way such as thats means only one thing to me you have not yet ventured out of your nappies as you so call them so i tell you now i was upset that that day when i read that post my family had just went though a lose and i was not thinking right so i am sorry for making it sould as if i am some one who is it it only for reveiws i think as you said i was in for because i am not i take review nomal just like ever one else just when im upset i take ever thing different most of all when it is some thing of the way of being a some what hurt reveiw but you and every other reveiwer has the right to say what they feel i don't deniy you of that right but i do think and agree with blue that you wear a little hursh and i also think you need some major attatude ajustmets because not even knowing you face to face i get this vide from you that you are a very VERY nasty person and you need to fix that problem fast unless you want to be alone out in the cold dark streets with nothing but your raged cloths and messed up hair and your pain as your only conpanion i feel pity for people who live on the streets because of the way the world is some times but you i feel no pity for you must not have had much love as baby if you did you not have so much anger in you that you must lash out upon others that you do not even know and i will keep write fics if that makes you made because you did not scare me off from write fics then i am sorry to have displeased you it will take more then just a very poor unloved child to scare off me from write fics and if you wish i will send you a link to my nw story and then you may say what you will of it and of me but for now i let my own fic review rest for another thank Blue for understanding what i must deal with learning new tonges and by the way like i have said i am no 5 years old i am 21 years of age if that make you happy thank you all and have fun reading my fic and hope for more to come with BETTER English Ciao Je ne ^_^
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From sabbie on December 02, 2004
.......................................Bah board lol.................................
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From ANON - Tsuki on November 30, 2004

I liked it, you have very good english compared to my brother and my mom (My bro speaks Japanese (He's romanian though) And my mom is Romanian and yeh) So I was fairly impressed ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Good job, keep it up - Ja ne-
---- Tsuki ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
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From ANON - dntfckwifme on November 30, 2004
Blue.

I think you under-valued the, �isn't a very good piece of work� comment. This... song - I scoff at the absurdity - is, bluntly put, shit. It lacks the rhythm, it lacks feeling, and most of all, it lacks editing. I wasn�t �harsh� at all, Blue. What I was, was truthful - but then again, I was waiting for someone to jump in, the hero in slivery, shinny armour, �Oh no! Don�t be so mean! I�m twelve years old too and I think this was good! Hey, with maybe more work, you could be better!!!11111!!! Good luk!!2222!11222!!� There�s simply some people that weren�t born to write; it�s not one of their talents. And good for you, you�re Spanish and you speak English - want a coconut? Listen, all I was saying that in all fandoms, if your work basically sucks, they all seem to pull out the �I�M NOT ENGLISH!� sign instead of pulling their thumb out of their arse and working at improving themselves. And fair enough, I do feel admiration to those who aren�t English and pull off writing a story in that language perfectly, but tell me, what did you learn first? Internet slag or correct, standard English? That was a rhetorical question, by the way. Everyone starts off fairly bad when they first begin, but this writer just takes the biscuit. She�s not old enough/mature enough to accept constructive criticism and in return, says to me that all she�s after is the reviewers proclaiming their love for her. I told her to quit because, well, lets be nice now; she isn�t a writer, song or not. She�s clearly not even out of nappies and I cringe to think of this abomination wasting more Internet space/people�s time, by posting more wet drivel up. I mean, my eyes; they bleed, please, think of the humanity issues - please! She needs more than time and experience to get better - she needs to be someone who can actually write, for one; she�ll get better, you think? My my, mindless fool of tomorrow, you are. You asked me how that was for a plate full, now all I need to ask you, is where�s the fork?

dntfckwifme
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From ANON - BlueSiren on November 30, 2004
Ok, I can see this isn't a very good piece of work, but that was kind of harsh dntfckwifme. I tell you this because I know what it feels to be self-conscious about your ability to use proper "English" I am a native Spanish speaker who is currently struggling with English (not really) and Japanese (really struggling here)
How is that for a plate full? I started writing fics about two years ago, and if you go back and read my first attempt at fiction... it was not impressive at all... it was much better than this, but it was not the greatest. Give this writer some time and experience and she/he will get better. Telling someone to stop writing is not the best approach to the problem.

I really recommend you to educate yourself a little before posting your work for feedback, if its bad, people will tell you and you should be mature enough to accept it.

Ja ne

Blue

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From ANON - dntfckwifme on November 30, 2004
Y'know, that other person wasn't being "mean". They were offering you advice and if you can't take that and use it to improve yourself, then you are not an aspiring writing. You are someone who is in it for the reviews and that isn't what fanfiction is about at all. Songs need to put into verses, stanzas and be riddled with punctuation and what-not. This peice of drivel you've posted just doesn't cut it. What are you: 12? Are you even -old- enough to be on this site? And the peice of fiction in question, isn't "shitty" because of your computer, it's because of the writer. I use to have an old Windows 95 that ran slower than my nan, and I still managed to write fairly decent stuff on it, and certiantly the presentation wasn't spoilt because of the -age- of the computer. Not only do you need lessons in TYPING, you need serious lessons in grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. Do you even know what a clause is? Do you know anything about English Language? And you're non-USA, eh? Oh what a freaking surpirse: "I can't write that well because I'm English.. my native tonuge isn't English, so please don't try to make me write better than a five year old, because -I'm- not English." that, in your situation, is a load of bullshit. If you weren't English, then why have you -bothered- to learn Internet slag BEFORE true English? You understand perfectly, as do I; you're a little pre-teen in this for the reivews, who kicks up a stink when people don't say that they love your work. Give it up now, you're pathetic and you're wasting the Internet space with this thing that you call a "song". If I was you, I'd be ashamed to admit it was mine.
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From sabbie on November 29, 2004
........ just wanted to put an reveiw to my own fic lol *ducks from chairs being thorwn at her because she is a tart ass* ^_^
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From ANON - Anon on November 11, 2004
A) PUNCTUATION is your friend. Commas, periods, whatever, but you need to indicate the beginning and end to a complete thought.
B) FORMAT, stanzas to a song are like those to a poem. One big paragraph doesn't work. It looks like you used periods to indicate stanzas.

This is elementary stuff here, before you even begin to consider writing ANYTHING else, you need to learn proper English grammer. And no, you should not try for a record deal any time soon.
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