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Reviews for Hitokiri Battosai

By : Moonwing
  • From ANON - citrus baby on June 01, 2005
    awww... this one was so sweet. very well written.
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  • From ANON - Firuze on May 31, 2005
    You may want to change "harem" for "tea house" since Harem is rather innacurate.

    Harems are kept by individuals, where their concubines, wives and slaves lives. They don't share their females. Harem derives from the arabic word 'haram', which means forbidden (in this sense to other males) and sacred (because it was the part of the house where females find their sanctuary).

    On the contray, Japanese prostitutes were kept in 'tea houses', which were found in the red light districts (separated from the rest of the city). They /(these women) belonged to tea house owners who had bought them to slave traders or their own families (in harsh famine ages, a family could survive thanks to sacrificing a girl to this trade, selling one to save the rest of the children)

    You can give a look to this site to have an idea of what I'm talking about: http://www.udel.edu/History/figal/Hist372/Text/ps3.html

    I know you may think that it's a rather smallish unimportant detail ,and that it doesn't make to the core of the story. However, building the right climate also makes the story or destroys it. Don't overlook small details, because they an distract of the rest or from the mssage you wanted to deliver in your fic. (here, to show that even in his darkest moments, the core of Kenshin was still his kindness to his kind)

    Also, if you developed more both character's POV, and added more description (making him reflect on the misery of the female, and steeling his desicion of fighting to change the situation of people like her, to get a better era for everyone, she being the representation of what he is fighting for, to redeem the oppressed, and change the system, etc, etc), the fic would improve greatly. You have a great idea here, and with one or two touchs you could do it so much better... For example, showing her inner astoinishment through her thoughts, after being used to be a toy for men's pleasure, stc, would make her gratitude even more poignant.

    Please, bear in mind that if the story had no merit, I wouldn't have cared in leaving you a review at all. I think it has potential, so bear with me my lil piece of critisism.

    Good luck with your projects and may inspiration be with you.
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