Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Bed.

By : mizukoroshiyo
  • From ANON - kocoum on September 03, 2005
    ....... what the deuce?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - De Lazy Lady Lime on August 22, 2005
    Hello,

    First of all.. I think the people who have reviewed are giving you alittle to much credit for this, its not that it isnt Ok but it certainly isnt a 5 star PWP... I think your over all descriptions although crude generally flow decently. The story and descriptions give me the feeling that this is a dream of Kenshin's as the descriptions are rather male as to what I assume would be the only parts that man would know to describe or wouldnt know how to describe.

    Short as it is and lacking of details such as, an intro, backround, on what brought this on makes it appear more like a second draft than a final. To be blunt you are missing too many details for me to really appreciate the situtaion.

    Once MAJOR problem I have with this is your order of events...You said that Kenshin took her virginity? I hardly think a virginal Kaoru would be so knowledgeable and able to carry out such a seduction. And you note the loss of the hymen after Kenshin has been thrusting into her for a while... the virginal barrier or hymen is broken when the penis first enters the vagina, unless you have given Kenshin the worlds shortest and smallest practically non-existant penis.


    http://www.afraidtoask.com/STD/stdanatomy.html

    Nooo…please, continue….onegai, anata, make me your woman…’ she breathes. I make no refusal. I want this just as much as she does. I thrust myself all the way inside of her, (right there Kenshin has taken her virginity, unless Kenshin has a really short penis) and we groan together at the sheer pleasure.

    The inside of her feels so warm and so wet against my hard member, and her thighs are soft as pillows. She wraps her legs around me and squeezes me with them, doubling the pleasure. (If she can do that and he can feel that she isnt a Virgin anymore...that is unless his penis is just laying on her clitoris with in the outer walls of her vagina or the labia majora and not in her vaginal tube ...do you know the female anatomy at all?)

    I throw my head back and moan, thrusting inside of her uncontrollably. While tasting the shivering skin on my neck, she bucks her hips up against mine roughly, and I feel the head of my shaft beginning to leak with pre-cum. I dig myself deeper inside of her wet sanctum. She senses me thrusting right up to her core, (By core what do you mean? her cerivx?) breaking her virginity. She screams with painful delight; shoving herself against me.

    If you do not know the basic layout of the vagina that leads me to question your age and experience. If you are indeed under 18 years of age you have no buisness reading or esspecially writing about sexual intercourse.

    If you are of legal adult age perhaps you should learn your Abc's and your own body before you learn your STD's and have an errotic adventure.

    Please dont be to terribly offended, I'm not trying to halt your carreer as an errotic author. I'm just reviewing your story with hopes that you will take what I have said into consideration and improve your writing skill and experience.

    I hope to see more and improved lemons/limes from you.. Please dont stop writting.

    De Lazy Lady Lime



    Report Review

  • From ANON - minamoon on August 22, 2005

    I LIKED IT...... IS THIS A ONE-SHOT OR ACONTINUATION OF THERE RELATIONSHIP!!!

    IF SO PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE UPDATE SOON.

    BYE.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Clemen on August 19, 2005
    Just sex. I look forward to reading your future works. Until then, take care and god bless. Laters
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Fanatic4Fanfiction on August 19, 2005
    @_@ Wow....it's lush and it captivates you...but maybe if you could make it a little longer...for what it is, it's GREAT...and I only say I want it to be longer because your writing's so good! Continue with your storytelling.

    ~fanatic4fanfiction~
    Report Review

  • From ANON - TennyoAkana on August 18, 2005
    This is really good and I hope there will be more chapters soon!
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!