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Reviews for Can i love?

By : AtasukeSakiyurai
  • From ANON - 94saturn on November 25, 2006
    Damn man your going into their physiology and that kicks behind!

    But the chapters are way too short even by my standards (I’m brief and to the point unfortunately). Take 1 & 2 combine them into a single chapter and flesh them out a little. Add some scene description to give a sense of place and maybe add what the weather is like.

    You have a kick ass story going here; don’t stop now you’re on a roll!

    DC (AKA 94saturn)

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  • From ANON - thedarkmetalfushi on November 05, 2006
    i dont know if it will help you but when i needed to write big stories i used to make an outline. writedown a whole bunch of events that might happen if circumstances dictate, then put them in what you think the best order is. "misato figuring what shinji feels and setting more time together, or her and asuka stabbing rei in the back for their own personal gain of many orgasms "

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  • From ANON - silky on October 18, 2006
    Some pointers, work on the way that you progress through events, like in the second chapter Rei showed up, they ate, they thought about each other, he walked her home.
    what happend during dinner- did they eat or just stare at it.
    add more depth to the charatcers and there surroundings, don't bank on the fact that the reader has seen the show, write like your descirbing it to a blind person. and when two people are walking somewhere they tend to talk or do something or other, not just arrive where they were going.
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  • From AtasukeSakiyurai on October 11, 2006
    I hope you all like my story
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