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Reviews for The Winner

By : angeloracle
  • From IntHellsing on February 04, 2008
    I liked this, but I think it would've made a better multi-chapter story, maybe? I guess it just seemed like this was a sequel and I should have read something else first.
    It's not bad, but without having had a chance to know more about... whatever was going on with Aya and Crawford before the point that this began at... Aya seemed a bit too nice to be in character.
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  • From vbruce on February 03, 2008
    Interesting storyline. If I may suggest a couple of things, however. Check that the spelling of a particular word matches the use you're aiming for. Example: Rain, can mean either actual rain or to rain kisses upon someone. Reign: an era of power or control, i.e. a monarch's reign. Rein: to direct or guide, i.e. a horse's reins. It might help the flow of the story to make sure things are properly spaced as far as paragraphs are concerned. If you're in doubt of anything, find a good beta who can point these things out to you. Overall, it was nicely done and enjoyable.
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