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Reviews for First time

By : ryuuzakilover2008
  • From Navo on August 28, 2008
    Okay, well first off, the title is spelt wrong.

    Secondly, maybe you should've developed the story a little more before jumping right into the sex? It was kind of rushed.

    And regarding OOC, I realize it's difficult to write things like this when there is no evidence of such a relationship in canon, but as the previous reviewer said, Luffy seems a bit...whiny? Something like that MIGHT work if it was AU and if you were purposely trying to make them OOC, but there was no indication or warning about that.

    Lastly, I'm not going to comment too much on the lemon scene since I only wrote my first one a couple of months ago, but the blood part was the only thing that irked me. Luffy is rubber so, even without lube, I assume there'd be no blood, he'd just stretch to accommodate.

    Sorry this review was so long... ;_;
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  • From MishaGirl on August 28, 2008
    Whoa...Zoro seems kinda rough! Be kinder Zoro! He's your captain! Oh...and your title is misspelled? A fun but slightly OOC effort.
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  • From Vampircia on August 28, 2008
    I wonder why authors tend to forget about Luffy's powers when they write yaoi. Luffy crying like a little stereotypical uke? Luffy bleeding from his ass? Oh, come on, he's a rubber man.
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