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Reviews for Snowy Days Dream

By : TomoNeko
  • From Karichan on July 14, 2013
    dang hot
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  • From on April 13, 2009
    oh that was so sweet now when ever i watch pokemon and see the two of them i see them as a couple haha
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  • From RubyQuinn on February 13, 2009
    Aww, that was really cute ^^
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  • From Revu on October 26, 2008
    Cute little story with a nice lemon attached.

    You've got good potential, I would recommend practicing on being descriptive within the story though. For example you have one narrative after Ash speaks that says "Ash demanded/moaned". Putting in the "/" can really pull a reader out of the realism of the story. Using something more to the effect of "Ash moaned out in a demanding voice," is going set the picture the way you want it and keep the reader more involved. Be creative and witty! Also along these lines, if the narratives are being done in the third person it's better not to speak directly to the reader. A first person POV is better suited to use narratives such as "So that's where it was!" outside of speech more believably since the narratives are basically the person's thoughts. A third person POV is going to use narratives more like "Ash's red hat followed behind the two boys motored by a certain yellow mouse who had been hiding under it the entire time."

    I hope maybe this gives you some ideas on how to approach and personalize your own writing style. Remember to be creative and let your words flow and you'll do fine!

    Hopefully we'll see more of your work later!
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  • From juicycherry on September 13, 2008
    A Friendly Reminder

    Just thought I'd leave you a note to let you know your disclaimer is lacking. According to the Terms of Service you need to include that you are in fact making no money from writing this story, and that you do not own the people involved. Also it helps if you specify the fandom you are writing about.

    Even though this story is about fictional characters, it needs to be known that they are not yours and you’re not making any money. You know a ’cover your butt’ thing.

    Also if you have included one of these things it’s not enough. You have to have a full disclaimer. This is not only to protect us but to protect you!

    Feel free to remove this once the problem is corrected. Thanks ^_^
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  • From theyaoimistress on September 12, 2008
    kind of fun, a little erotic but fast, i give you a 8.5 for originality, need a better development of the story, and the sex can stay the same, you definitive can improve your fics, and im happy to know another shishi paring lover xD

    see you

    pd. please dont take me wrong,i do like the fic.
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