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Reviews for 25 Orbs

By : Sakurasanaito
  • From megadeth425 on January 11, 2011
    It's hard to pinpoint a place to start here. I guess your summary, since it was what first grabbed my attention. The wording is stale and doesn't too much to pique interest, and adding "Later on, she realises that she is in love with Mewtwo." gives away the ending spectacularly and nullifies any real reason to read.

    On to the actual story. The "chapter" is far too short to be one, and in that small time frame, tells us nothing. I have no idea what is going on besides "Mewtwo is in a lab, then he escapes". Expand on it a little, draw out the events to give us some background. When you have all of two "paragraphs" of story, don't bother changing scene again. There's no detail in any of it, either. There's no monologue, nothing that brings us into Mewtwo's mind. Everything is grey and lacking any kind of actual mood to it. You describe everything starkly, leaving no room for actual writing, just a play-by-play of the actions in vague terms. Also, you regularly scramble the tenses, jumping between present and past tense far too frequently for something so short. There's not a whole lot of effort in any of this.
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