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Reviews for Together Again

By : CheshireCity
  • From ANON - Lois on December 30, 2012
    Right! I just finished reading the whole thing.

    I think you did a fantastic job. I will say though - pre-empting what's to come - that it might be best to go back and rewrite the first few chapters, simply as they don't reflect the *amazing* quality of the story that comes after.

    You have a great structure, a detailed and very well-thought out plot, and characters that are in-character whilst bringing something new to the table. I *loved* your Soma and Agni, but I would adore seeing a chapter that focuses on them and their relationship. I think this story may have been better with the occasional POV change, just to break things up a bit, but as it stands it's perfect as it is. Sebastian is a *very* difficult character to get right, but you got him spot on! I loved how you managed to make him romantic, whilst keeping him true to the canon, not an easy feat, but you did it! I love the inclusion of the new characters too, and how you added to the mythos and gave the story a new dimension with the new demonic characters. Great!

    Like I said . . . I think the first few chapters put me off a little, and it's a shame the 'hit count' on this site doesn't tell you hits per chapter, because I think you'd get more five-star ratings and reviews if people read on, but the first couple of chapters or so may be putting them off. I'm not saying to treat people like idiots, that they aren't capable of non-chronological order or POV change, but you really need to make the plot easy to follow from paragraph one.

    Anyways, rating this five stars, but I'd probably give it 7/10, just because of the shaky start.
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  • From ANON - Lois on December 30, 2012
    I think you have a lot of potential, because your story is very well written. In terms of actual grammar and spelling you do an amazing job, and it's clear that you put in a lot of effort. I admire the imagery and detailed insight into Sebastian's mind . . .

    I just think you can improve in terms of structure. I mean it's never stated who these four - completely random - children are in chapter one, or why Sebastian is serving them, or if they have any relevance to the plot. It's not really stated (I only got as far as three though) whether Ciel knows if he is pregnant or not, or how he managed to get pregnant to begin with. You threw in random demons, no explanation about them either, then - going against canon - brought in Vincent . . . which is where you completely lost me.

    I want to read this. I do! You have good skill and ability, plus the concept is highly interesting, and you could make it rather original and unique too, I think - at the heart - you have reinvented an old concept, making it your own. It's just a shame that I *can't* read it, because I can't follow it in the slightest :-/
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