rate_review Reviews

This was nice, I hope you write more.

Very Intersting one shot!!! I like it so I think you should do a sequel to where it is a three way between Inuyasha/Kagome/Kikyou if you want!! Just a request! I would also like to say I love you inu/Kag lemons they are meant to be together & you write some great ones!!

It\'s funny...I\'m in the Trigun section, these characters are named \"Vash\" and \"Meryl\", and yet - I have no idea who they are. Vash, forever pushing people out of his life so they won\'t get hurt, suddenly begging for someone to stay. Meryl, who hides her emotions behind a bitchy facade, weeping to him. Oh, also, good, practical Meryl, if she knew it was her \"fertile period\" off the top of her head, would most certainly use some kind of birth control.

Well, onto the smut. First person present tense narration really doesn\'t work here. In fact, present tense very very very rarely works. Also, never actually write moans and groans as dialogue. Add them onto your dialogue tags. Really, what sounds better? \"She moaned as his tongue parted her delicate folds, her mouth quivering as she whispered, \'Don\'t stop,\'\" or \"Unnnh! Don\'t stop!\" Watch less porn and read more romance novels. ...Not that I have anything against porn, but there\'s a difference between the visual and literary media.

Read more smut. On the bright side, you can only get better, right?

>^..^<