rate_review Reviews

Okay, why is Yuki so cold. I mean I love the fact that Tatsuha and Seguchi are in character; but Yuki would never do Shuichi dirty like that. Either way it was over all a gud story...i mean u did say it'll be OOC and stuff. But i wasn't expecting Yuki to be 2 mean or 2 nice. But he proposed...like OMG i luvd it!!!

Very good fic. Wow. Can you please do a sequel? Did he die/ sleep? Was it really Yuki?

Oh my god! I feel so badv.v I got kinda confused but then I was like OOhh So that\'s what\'s happening but the ending confused me more!!!!!!! GAHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!I had to read it a second time to understand it!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it in the end (with out the confusion) *Smiles genki-ly*

That was really excellent please continue or did you want to make it a one-shot?
Well, still make another wonderful chapter like this please I would hate to see it abandoned

lol u posted on here too! but it\'s been a long time......are u gonna continue?! PLEASE DO!!

That was fantastic, i hope there is a sequal in the works. I would love to read more, it was so sad, i felt so sorry for poor Shu.

This is really quite good. You can see Shuichi\'s behavior as the logical outcome of all those problems he has with Eiri. You might feel sorry for Yuki, but he deserves this.

The concept you have for this Fic is ingenious. Its all within character and believable. But there were a few probs, bob. Firstly, I know you need a beta reader and would be happy to help you out if you still don\'t have one. But not only were there misspelled words there was also \"groupings of letters\" that forced the reader to try and guess or make up words to figure out what you mean.
Like here \"Although I’mderidering why you are still in clothes right now and why isll Sll Sakuma-san’s face I see?\"
You also jumped around a lot, leaving out important details; in the part where Yuki gives Shu a hand job and the next thing you know is he\'s swallowing. What happened here? when did Yuki go down on Shu?
Like here; \"You put both your hands on mine and started pumping it up and down. I almost passed out from the sensation but I felt you other hand leaving my rod then only to feel it on one of my balls. You gently squeezed it then rub your thumb around it. I\'m really want to come now…Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I didn’t expect you to swallow me but you did. It was really a surprise…for you never do that dream-Yuki…it\'s my job. I always do the worshipping. But you know what? It’s sooo good.\"
These mistakes cause the reader to pull back from the story and loose the full effect of whet is happening. Also one more thing. Although you have misspelled words also watch out for correctly spelled words in the correct but in the wrong context or a meaning you did not want to project,
For example \"I don\'t care whoever face I’d see when this drug cease… \"
And what I think you meant to write was...I don\'t care whose face I see when this drug ceases…, because Microsoft word does not find these mistakes or at least it misses a lot of them.
For instance \"You gently squeezed it then rub your thumb around it. I’m really want to come now…\" And I\'m thinking you meant... I really want to come now ... or is it?....I\'m really gonna come now?
What I pointed out here is not the only time it happens in the Fic but these are just a few. O. K I know it seems like I being a total bitch here and all but I. Really want to see this story get better. I think also that you could so continue this story with the day after and maybe Yuki could force Shuichi to stop taking the drugs and he goes through abstinence and so on. But its just a suggestion. Acclamations on having such a great imagination to get the story this far. Keep up the good work.
Your fan,
Lyrona D. Rage

I hope you make another chapter. I want to know what happens. It\'s really good.

Oh, please tell me there is going to be a sequel. I just have to know what happens next. I NEED to know, because your\'s is most likely one of the very best I have ever read.