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July 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
keep it up ur awesome!!!!!!!! : )
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July 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
An interesting beginning, it'll be interesting to see where you're going, spelling and grammar errors aside. Laters.
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July 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i like where its going, great story, good plot, and great at adding new deminsions to always changing characters. PLEASE WRITE MORE I BEG YOU, I'M ADDICTED!
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June 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
UPDATE SOON!!!!
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October 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it is very funny. i want to know what Ukyo is up to?? anyway you should keep going. this is a great story.
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August 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awwwwwwww.... thanks for saying my fanfic sucks, sadly I was a beginner in 8th grade when I first began to pursue a writer\'s path. so I guess that means I\'m just not meant to write and I should give it up? or is it that I only suck at writing fanfiction, if you are saying that then I\'d gladly give up fanfiction for good. I\'m sorry but I don\'t need you to tell me it sucked, I need you to tell me why it sucked, it\'s called constructive Criticism.
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July 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hehehehe...excellent....for a shitty beginner...sorry for the harshness...if u bite me....welll i will like it...so...do what u want my opinion is out
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June 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i THINK ITS PRETTY GOOD. KEEP WRITING KIE-CHAN!!! *GLOMP* mine!
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May 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
nice twist. you should do mroe chapters on it. i want to see what akane does adn what ukyo is planning
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May 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OK story, quite OOC however and the actual Ranma influence is a bit weak.
Your biggest problem is that you\'re not cutting up the story into readable paragraphs! It\'s made from large blocks of text! You\'ll have to figure out when there is a shift in perspective so you can partition the text into bits. Dialogue is generally good for noticing when to split it up.
Remember to tell a STORY too, conflicts, tension and that kinda stuff.
Your biggest problem is that you\'re not cutting up the story into readable paragraphs! It\'s made from large blocks of text! You\'ll have to figure out when there is a shift in perspective so you can partition the text into bits. Dialogue is generally good for noticing when to split it up.
Remember to tell a STORY too, conflicts, tension and that kinda stuff.