schedule
May 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Damn, very good story!!! I am suprized that you didn\'t add luna to the mix. Remember she got be human in that one movie.
schedule
April 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It was sooooooo good. please write more!
schedule
April 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG!!! i loved it! It was one of the better ones i read and trust me i read alot!! Keep writing! Please?
schedule
January 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well, I guess you did warn us after it that it had no plot... however, no story is good without even the least bit of plot. I think you made everything happen way to fast, it was just putting stuff and random ideas together. I think this story could have been a lot better if you had more description in it. For example, the reactions. You can\'t just have people say \"they got horny and did yadda yadda\" I mean... unless they did this before then people won\'t naturally act like that, even if they are horny.
You see, the story would turn out a lot better if you described this better, if you sorta lead up to most of this. It all seems so rushed, I mean, what\'s the hurry? Take your time with the story. I understand why you did that whole dick thing I guess, it\'s just... I dunno, you can email me any time if you want help in doing another story like thsi. I mean, it\'s all good ideas but it all is just happening way too fast. The reader isn\'t expecting that they did all of this before.
Anyway, I have more comments but they can only be shown through editing some parts of your writing. All I can say is show, not tell. Meaning... show more emotions, I mean, natural emotions. Make them seem more human, I mean, goosh! Say you were one of them, would you get up like that and start doing all of that stuff? You\'d feel nervous, unsure of your thoughts and feelings, and possibly you\'d feel confused. Unless they are used to all of this, I don\'t think that they\'ll be able to so willingly do all of this stuff like that. Setsuna, the green hair one (not sure of I had the name right...), I think you did well with her since you said that she was thinking like this for a while. So it makes more sense why she was so able to do all the stuff she did.
And, I don\'t think they\'d all gather around Serena and do things mainly to her like that. If so, I think that idea would go better with another story plot, not with this one.
Overall, I think this story was alright, as a letter grade-- I\'d say that i\'d be a \'D\', so that\'s like what? Two out of five stars?
Anyway, good luck with your future work, and I hope you try one of these stories again (meaning a f/f story).
Until next time,
~Lady Melanie~
You see, the story would turn out a lot better if you described this better, if you sorta lead up to most of this. It all seems so rushed, I mean, what\'s the hurry? Take your time with the story. I understand why you did that whole dick thing I guess, it\'s just... I dunno, you can email me any time if you want help in doing another story like thsi. I mean, it\'s all good ideas but it all is just happening way too fast. The reader isn\'t expecting that they did all of this before.
Anyway, I have more comments but they can only be shown through editing some parts of your writing. All I can say is show, not tell. Meaning... show more emotions, I mean, natural emotions. Make them seem more human, I mean, goosh! Say you were one of them, would you get up like that and start doing all of that stuff? You\'d feel nervous, unsure of your thoughts and feelings, and possibly you\'d feel confused. Unless they are used to all of this, I don\'t think that they\'ll be able to so willingly do all of this stuff like that. Setsuna, the green hair one (not sure of I had the name right...), I think you did well with her since you said that she was thinking like this for a while. So it makes more sense why she was so able to do all the stuff she did.
And, I don\'t think they\'d all gather around Serena and do things mainly to her like that. If so, I think that idea would go better with another story plot, not with this one.
Overall, I think this story was alright, as a letter grade-- I\'d say that i\'d be a \'D\', so that\'s like what? Two out of five stars?
Anyway, good luck with your future work, and I hope you try one of these stories again (meaning a f/f story).
Until next time,
~Lady Melanie~
schedule
October 22, 2004 at 12:00 AM
As you can tell from the e-mail I'm a sailor moon fan. Good FF, great way to interpet all the Hentai and not forgetting my two fav senshi, Michiru and Haruka!! If anything, can you write more about them in the next chapter. And THANK YOUx10000000 for not putting Hotaru in a sexual position with Michiru-mama and Haruka-papa.
Love, Hugs and Bludgers,
Trix ^_^
Love, Hugs and Bludgers,
Trix ^_^
schedule
September 22, 2004 at 12:00 AM
your fic totally rocked! those scouts are smoking hot and horny as hell! nice job!
schedule
September 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
WOW...I think... Nevermind...Speechless...
schedule
August 11, 2004 at 12:00 AM
i almost fingered myself reading this.lol