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June 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
been reading this for quite sometime now. if i remember correctly.. you promised or rather said, that you will end this likely before the fic's third birthday.. which is.. august 2007. right? or wrong? just a thought.
this is the only reason i go to aff.net and im so thankful you've been updating faster than the usual.
Pleasure slave is like watching a soap opera... or reading harry potter. you've started it.. you've been reading/watching it for a long time now.. it became a habit... and all you want to know now.. is the ending. you have a VERY vague idea on how it will end.. but you cannot just simply digest that, that is the ending.
lemon in its finest.
do continue you're work... you are like a TOUYA in our cold YUE-ish fanfic life. you came into our boring fanfic-reading life... and give it a nice twist... and a push... and pull... harder!!!
this is the only reason i go to aff.net and im so thankful you've been updating faster than the usual.
Pleasure slave is like watching a soap opera... or reading harry potter. you've started it.. you've been reading/watching it for a long time now.. it became a habit... and all you want to know now.. is the ending. you have a VERY vague idea on how it will end.. but you cannot just simply digest that, that is the ending.
lemon in its finest.
do continue you're work... you are like a TOUYA in our cold YUE-ish fanfic life. you came into our boring fanfic-reading life... and give it a nice twist... and a push... and pull... harder!!!
schedule
June 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OH MY GOD!!!! I love this story! the romance and the intrique! *smiles* I have just found this story and have not left it alone for about 2 or 3 nights straight! Please continue with it! *hugs you and gives you a cookie* I give you kudos for this story! I have read many Card Captor stories but this one is by far the best. And I love Yue and Touya being together! I wonder...will Touya ever just say that he loves Yue back? >.> <.< I worry for Sakura though..and that guy Ralen..I don't like him WHAT so ever. *smiles* well...again please continue and I will read all the more ^-^
-Aya ( the crazy yaoi lover who also love yuri and hetero stuffs)
-Aya ( the crazy yaoi lover who also love yuri and hetero stuffs)
schedule
June 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well.
I suppose the onus is on me to finally review (I have in fact been reading since the very first chapter; I am shockingly reticent when it comes to contacting people online, or even giving my details to websitesf), seeing as you've let anonymous reviews back in.
So, to business! I have years of silence to make up for so I suppose I better pay my debts.
I've followed this since it's first steps on this site, and I've been consitently impressed at both the style and depth of your writing; never have I felt that you've either spent too long describing something, nor have I thought that something hasn't been explained enough (unless it was purposely kept secret as part of the plot). I've not found any glaring spelling or grammatical inaccuracies (although lets face it, there are a lot of chapters I've not read in some time), and while the Americanisms might irk slightly (Brit over here folks), they don't detract from my enjoyment (I'd be a pretty unhappy person if it did, given the amount of written material that comes from Yankland, as I affectionately term it).
Your characters have been well thought out, introduced well, and make an impression unique to this story, resembling but never being cookie-cutter impressions of their manga/anime selves. Their speech has been well thought out, it never seems wooden, and yet it's never overdone. That says much.
The plot has, to my eyes, been well planned, and you obviously know what you're doing. It's good enough that it does what most stories on this site fail to do, which I will come onto shortly.
On that note, I suppose as this is supposed to be constructive criticism, I better do some criticising hadn't I?
I'll start this off by saying I'm a big (understatement) fan of the Tomoyo/Sakura pairing. This may seem slightly irrelevant, but please bear with me. During the last chapter (Competition) you did what to my eyes seems slightly unfair (both to some of your readers and to one of your characters). You have (again, to my eyes) killed off a pairing; one which you had painstakingly cultivated from the first chapters. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing (in fact you deserve praise for having the guts to do it), it's more the manner in which you did it that I think needs criticising; you've (again, and I sound like a parrot, to my eyes) you've cut it out completely; no chance of it happening, no parole, no stay of execution, yadda yadda. In doing this you've potentially lost some readers, the ones who were here for the (extremely well written) Sakura/Tomoyo smut. Some of your readers will certainly have only been here for the smut (This is adultfanfiction.net, lets not kid ourselves and pretend that the primary reason we first came here was NOT for the smut).
It also seems a little unfair to poor Tomoyo (again, that I can feel empathy for your characters speaks volumes about your writing skill) that with all that's happened to her that she's lost her only love interest. I think it would have been better to at least leave the door ajar, if not completely open, that way the reader can still use their imaginations to come up with scenarios where Tomoyo can still "Win" so to speak. But oh well. This is your story, and by all means, run in whichever direction you feel you should.
I myself had something of an internal conflict as to whether I was going to continue reading; on the one hand my main reason for reading has been removed; as a pairing, Tomoyo and Sakura fit the best of all the characters (again, opinion), and I like to see Tomoyo get the love she deserves (again, opinion). On the other hand I wanted some closure to the plot; all of those mysteries and intricacies that you've woven. I did in fact come to the conclusion that I would continue for the plot; the pairings, while no longer of any real interest to me are deep enough that I'll keep going (although I may glaze over the Sakura/Syaoran sex scene). Human nature unfortunately dictates that there will be some people that will stop reading. A pity, but maybe those aren't the readers that you want anyway? Just a thought.
So there you have it; my thoughts, musings, whatever you wish to call them. Take them to heart, ignore them, do whatever you wish.
If you want to chat about this (although I am sure you have far better things to occupy your time), feel free to email or msn me (email is my msn address), bearing in mind the absurd amount of spaces and such I've put in the email field.
All of the above said, I enjoy your story, and am impressed at the skill and motivation you have shown (glossing over that long gap between chapters that you had) to this, and I look forward to reading what you produce in the future.
Yours,
Mooglepies
I suppose the onus is on me to finally review (I have in fact been reading since the very first chapter; I am shockingly reticent when it comes to contacting people online, or even giving my details to websitesf), seeing as you've let anonymous reviews back in.
So, to business! I have years of silence to make up for so I suppose I better pay my debts.
I've followed this since it's first steps on this site, and I've been consitently impressed at both the style and depth of your writing; never have I felt that you've either spent too long describing something, nor have I thought that something hasn't been explained enough (unless it was purposely kept secret as part of the plot). I've not found any glaring spelling or grammatical inaccuracies (although lets face it, there are a lot of chapters I've not read in some time), and while the Americanisms might irk slightly (Brit over here folks), they don't detract from my enjoyment (I'd be a pretty unhappy person if it did, given the amount of written material that comes from Yankland, as I affectionately term it).
Your characters have been well thought out, introduced well, and make an impression unique to this story, resembling but never being cookie-cutter impressions of their manga/anime selves. Their speech has been well thought out, it never seems wooden, and yet it's never overdone. That says much.
The plot has, to my eyes, been well planned, and you obviously know what you're doing. It's good enough that it does what most stories on this site fail to do, which I will come onto shortly.
On that note, I suppose as this is supposed to be constructive criticism, I better do some criticising hadn't I?
I'll start this off by saying I'm a big (understatement) fan of the Tomoyo/Sakura pairing. This may seem slightly irrelevant, but please bear with me. During the last chapter (Competition) you did what to my eyes seems slightly unfair (both to some of your readers and to one of your characters). You have (again, to my eyes) killed off a pairing; one which you had painstakingly cultivated from the first chapters. While this isn't necessarily a bad thing (in fact you deserve praise for having the guts to do it), it's more the manner in which you did it that I think needs criticising; you've (again, and I sound like a parrot, to my eyes) you've cut it out completely; no chance of it happening, no parole, no stay of execution, yadda yadda. In doing this you've potentially lost some readers, the ones who were here for the (extremely well written) Sakura/Tomoyo smut. Some of your readers will certainly have only been here for the smut (This is adultfanfiction.net, lets not kid ourselves and pretend that the primary reason we first came here was NOT for the smut).
It also seems a little unfair to poor Tomoyo (again, that I can feel empathy for your characters speaks volumes about your writing skill) that with all that's happened to her that she's lost her only love interest. I think it would have been better to at least leave the door ajar, if not completely open, that way the reader can still use their imaginations to come up with scenarios where Tomoyo can still "Win" so to speak. But oh well. This is your story, and by all means, run in whichever direction you feel you should.
I myself had something of an internal conflict as to whether I was going to continue reading; on the one hand my main reason for reading has been removed; as a pairing, Tomoyo and Sakura fit the best of all the characters (again, opinion), and I like to see Tomoyo get the love she deserves (again, opinion). On the other hand I wanted some closure to the plot; all of those mysteries and intricacies that you've woven. I did in fact come to the conclusion that I would continue for the plot; the pairings, while no longer of any real interest to me are deep enough that I'll keep going (although I may glaze over the Sakura/Syaoran sex scene). Human nature unfortunately dictates that there will be some people that will stop reading. A pity, but maybe those aren't the readers that you want anyway? Just a thought.
So there you have it; my thoughts, musings, whatever you wish to call them. Take them to heart, ignore them, do whatever you wish.
If you want to chat about this (although I am sure you have far better things to occupy your time), feel free to email or msn me (email is my msn address), bearing in mind the absurd amount of spaces and such I've put in the email field.
All of the above said, I enjoy your story, and am impressed at the skill and motivation you have shown (glossing over that long gap between chapters that you had) to this, and I look forward to reading what you produce in the future.
Yours,
Mooglepies
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
YATTA!! Kero cameo ftw!!I was sso excited to see him! I loved his interactions with everyonw so much!! And I really wanted to see him scare the Clow Staff right outta Ralen's bitch ass!! Damn... will you consider doing that eventually? It's your story so I have no right to ask really, but I'd love to see Ralen get put in his place again... it doesn't happen nearly enough for his punk ass, XD
I loved this chapter!! "I'M CHOPPING WOOD!!...BITCHES!!" Lmao...
Can't wait for the next chapter...and I really can't wait to find out what those things are that the sexy, celestial brothers (cuz yes, even Keroberos deserves to be called sexy!)are hunting down! Because, if anything... Yue seems way more worried they'll get to Touya than him...
I loved this chapter!! "I'M CHOPPING WOOD!!...BITCHES!!" Lmao...
Can't wait for the next chapter...and I really can't wait to find out what those things are that the sexy, celestial brothers (cuz yes, even Keroberos deserves to be called sexy!)are hunting down! Because, if anything... Yue seems way more worried they'll get to Touya than him...
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh, yeah, liked how you mentioned Yamazaki and Chiharu, poor boy's never gonna be believed...unless Sakura happens to come for a visit riding upon a large winged lion, hehheh... Sorry... Well, then, the only regulars not yet mentioned, as far as I can recall, are Naoko(don't even begin to know how she could be worked in), Eriol, Spinner, and Nakuru/Ruby. As previously stated, can't wait to see what happens next. Laters.
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hooray! Kero! I am guessing the things runnign around in the forest are clow cards... which is neat. I sure hope Sakura gets to show em how its done!
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Keroberos made an appearance, yay! And although it was a bit short a visit I'm sure he will reappear when things get tight. He now knows the situation and even befriended Sakura, I think that will prove to be important later on. Concerning the latest revelations, I guess they're hunting the Clow card spirits - it would make sense since in CLAMP's original story at least Keroberos (I am not sure about Yue) was a guardian of the Clow book containing the cards. It's just a guess though. I love this story and I'm looking forward to the next chapter - as I always do. ;)
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
YAY, KEROBEROS IS HERE!
Er... sorry. God, I love that kitty cat. Anyway, great chapter! I loved the interactions between Kero and Sakura, and Kero and Yue.
They're fighting the cards, right? The cards that they're trying to keep away from the towns, to protect them, I suppose. When Yue came in and Touya said he smelled 'musty,' I'm thinking perhaps Sand, or Earthy? Yay! So much goodness in this chapter! It all makes me so happy. Fanart is coming your way, just so you know! So much in this chapter really stands out to me... must... draw!
Er... sorry. God, I love that kitty cat. Anyway, great chapter! I loved the interactions between Kero and Sakura, and Kero and Yue.
They're fighting the cards, right? The cards that they're trying to keep away from the towns, to protect them, I suppose. When Yue came in and Touya said he smelled 'musty,' I'm thinking perhaps Sand, or Earthy? Yay! So much goodness in this chapter! It all makes me so happy. Fanart is coming your way, just so you know! So much in this chapter really stands out to me... must... draw!
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey I really love ur fics, cant follow cont. but I m keeping track. Seriously doh this chap cracked me. Touya's behaviour on missin Yue was lovely. XD I so... luv him. And as u mentioned I bet on Yue to confess his feeling first, in fact, i had thought dat be4 but never thought to mention it.
Keroberos was as usual big mouth and big stomach. Glad to see dat Sakura friended him. The axe scene was really funny, both 'bout Toya and Lee. I love to read humour even in angsty fics, esp. in angsty fics. As in Nekojita's fics.
Lookin forward to more of ur updates. :crosses fingers:
Keroberos was as usual big mouth and big stomach. Glad to see dat Sakura friended him. The axe scene was really funny, both 'bout Toya and Lee. I love to read humour even in angsty fics, esp. in angsty fics. As in Nekojita's fics.
Lookin forward to more of ur updates. :crosses fingers:
schedule
June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
squee! much love for the kero-cameo, especially since he's in his unlocked form and not the dinky teddybear with wings. ^^
it's weird, how often you're updating now- i got used to a couple months between updates, not a couple weeks.
I adore a good AU, and they're even better when they have plot. I've very much enjoyed watching the characters develop in this, and it looks like it won't be done anytime soon.
*gives this the goodfic stamp*
~Pocky
it's weird, how often you're updating now- i got used to a couple months between updates, not a couple weeks.
I adore a good AU, and they're even better when they have plot. I've very much enjoyed watching the characters develop in this, and it looks like it won't be done anytime soon.
*gives this the goodfic stamp*
~Pocky