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April 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Finally a Card Captors fanfiction where Yue is seme and Tori is uke!!!!!!! Thankyou for writing this!!!!!!!!!!!
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April 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well, This story is very good... to a point.
When you made that declaration that 'That's it for the yuri', I immediately was turned off by the story. It is a cardinal sin in writing to change the story that drastically.
You based the introductory chapters on Tomoyo bringing Sakura out of her shell and seeing something she wanted to own herself in more ways than one.
The current chapters barely use Tomoyo except as a 'faraway person' role, and Sakura's relationship is now heterosexual, despite her first major encounters with men being incredibly poor and all her early role models being female.
I give the first half-dozen chapters 5/5. I give the yaoi plotline 4/5, since it's not perfect by any sense. I give Sakura's plotline after the introduction... 1/5
You said it yourself... The real story is not the first half-dozen chapters as far as you care...
WELL CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WRITE MORE, OR DON'T POST IT!
When you made that declaration that 'That's it for the yuri', I immediately was turned off by the story. It is a cardinal sin in writing to change the story that drastically.
You based the introductory chapters on Tomoyo bringing Sakura out of her shell and seeing something she wanted to own herself in more ways than one.
The current chapters barely use Tomoyo except as a 'faraway person' role, and Sakura's relationship is now heterosexual, despite her first major encounters with men being incredibly poor and all her early role models being female.
I give the first half-dozen chapters 5/5. I give the yaoi plotline 4/5, since it's not perfect by any sense. I give Sakura's plotline after the introduction... 1/5
You said it yourself... The real story is not the first half-dozen chapters as far as you care...
WELL CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WRITE MORE, OR DON'T POST IT!
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April 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Why are you being so mean Undisclosed?!!!!!! Sakura has a better plotline now than she did at the start!!! She is in love now. She is becoming her own person without Tori being overprotective. She is dancing, making friends, having fun, she enjoys her life now!!!!! The story was not meant to be a yuri story and Capitalst didn't drastically change the story. The yuri was only an intro for the yaoi. It was preparation for the upcomming main plotline about the pleasure slaves.
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April 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
ooooooooh how cruel, Yue wont tell Touya who Clow is!? i seriouusly think Touya needa slap some sense into him. oh wait he did lol. i thought Touya wuld pester Yue about it but he believed the lie that clow was noone. yue wuldnt talk bout noone in his sleep: clow must be special i hope touya realise tht. i hve theory tht yue goes to clow's grave at full moon cuz thts where he feels safe when he is weak. hmm i dun really like Ralen, no offense, and i know people said Yuki shuld be in the story maybe paired together with Touya later,but to me them 2 r not meant to be together! (well i do read Touya and Yuki pair with each other too. but here yue and Touya are THEEE pair) btw, OMG Sakura is sooooooo cute. i dun care she's a little silly for 16 years old she'ss adorable like in the anime. n the li obsession is to die for LOL too bad u didn't write more chapters for the time btwn Touya and Sakura in village and them 2 growing up , cuz that'd be so angsty n cute to read. i hope they visit village again cuz i wanna know what Yue wuld think of da village, and wat touya's freinds think of his new life in castle, but i like protective Touya too thou i'm not sure if he's got the concept Yue is interested in him a lot really. oh yeah it was fun to see Melin and Tomoyo too definitely. the girls are a little creepy LOL, but teasing li is quite cute~
another promising looking new CCS work piece!
i found this late nite n read it in one go, despite hw n RL... i really like it n hope it'll be even "beta" in the future (plotwise as in Yue n Touya end up together 4ever LOL) so i hope my reviews not just babble to u. ^^'''
another promising looking new CCS work piece!
i found this late nite n read it in one go, despite hw n RL... i really like it n hope it'll be even "beta" in the future (plotwise as in Yue n Touya end up together 4ever LOL) so i hope my reviews not just babble to u. ^^'''
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April 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Yes, Hitomi, I was cruel... but the Yuri aspect was what got some people interested in this story.
I'd have been sold 110% on the story as a whole if Capitalist had Melara or some other J. Random Character as her trainer, and kept Tomoyo for much later in the story.
By having Tomoyo as her trainer and those bittersweet moments, My support for this story is not possible. Worse for me is the serious tilt from concentrating on Sakura to concentrating on Touya.
If I treat the first 6 chapters as one story, and the rest as another, I could give both of them top marks.
You don't bring very real feelings into a throwaway part of a story, and expect everyone to like it. I never do something like that, and I'm shocked that a writer who I can tell has some great talent would do such a cardinal sin of teasing people with one of the truest relationships in the series...
I'm not going to disclose my name since I have written yuri fiction which has been bittersweet... and I HATE to see people waste scenes like that.
I'd have been sold 110% on the story as a whole if Capitalist had Melara or some other J. Random Character as her trainer, and kept Tomoyo for much later in the story.
By having Tomoyo as her trainer and those bittersweet moments, My support for this story is not possible. Worse for me is the serious tilt from concentrating on Sakura to concentrating on Touya.
If I treat the first 6 chapters as one story, and the rest as another, I could give both of them top marks.
You don't bring very real feelings into a throwaway part of a story, and expect everyone to like it. I never do something like that, and I'm shocked that a writer who I can tell has some great talent would do such a cardinal sin of teasing people with one of the truest relationships in the series...
I'm not going to disclose my name since I have written yuri fiction which has been bittersweet... and I HATE to see people waste scenes like that.
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April 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*claps while crying* that was such a great chapter. And dare I say Clow was mentioned? >.> ^~^ Well I can't wait for more to be revealed soon.
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April 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
sorry i haven't reviewed since last September 2OO6. I luv where the story is leading and I had to tell you about it!!
i was thinking about my last review when i said that Yue might have wings and I was thinking about how Yue is gunna teach Toya how to massage. Will Toya notice anything weird when massageing Yue's back? something that hints at wings maybe.
even If I am wrong i am very much looking forward to Yue teaching this to Toya. i am eager to see how you write that :)
i was thinking about my last review when i said that Yue might have wings and I was thinking about how Yue is gunna teach Toya how to massage. Will Toya notice anything weird when massageing Yue's back? something that hints at wings maybe.
even If I am wrong i am very much looking forward to Yue teaching this to Toya. i am eager to see how you write that :)
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March 31, 2007 at 12:00 AM
But Ralen will NEVER be happy. At least, I hope he isn't.
Somehow I don't think Yue would be all that happy about Sakura and Syaoran though. Same goes for Touya... But I'm glad she's confessed to him. it was rather cute. :3 Such a good update, too! (As always.) I guess in a way, Touya has confessed to Yue, but he hasn't exactly told him he loves him. I hope that they both do soon, because it's obvious they both love each other.
Somehow I don't think Yue would be all that happy about Sakura and Syaoran though. Same goes for Touya... But I'm glad she's confessed to him. it was rather cute. :3 Such a good update, too! (As always.) I guess in a way, Touya has confessed to Yue, but he hasn't exactly told him he loves him. I hope that they both do soon, because it's obvious they both love each other.
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March 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Woot! All these fast updates, so great. But everyone seems so happy in this chapter, too many good things are going on. So methinks something bad has to be coming. Hmm...Clow. Gonna be interesting to see how that fits in. ^_^ Hell, I'm still waiting for Eriol to make a random appearance. ^_~
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March 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i like this chapta and i'm glad you made it a long chapta. its been a while since u have written a chapta so long and u did it in two weeks. thats a proof of ur talent right there. the best bit of this chapta was yue and touyas trip outside. i wonder if yue will let touya go further [and for longer] next time they are out? they were so peacefull and happy. yue has changed so much. i agree with fisshie012 that yue and touya need more angst. this chapta had angst and it was very good. so more angst in the future please.lol
there is 1 thing that confused me tho. in this chapta sakura said that touya had missed dinner the night before. but he didnt miss it. that was the dinner when touya was wondering who taught yue to massage. or have i got my days wrong? that part confused me.
there is 1 thing that confused me tho. in this chapta sakura said that touya had missed dinner the night before. but he didnt miss it. that was the dinner when touya was wondering who taught yue to massage. or have i got my days wrong? that part confused me.