rate_review Reviews

Im gona be brutally honest in this review so sorry if I sound harsh. i just couldnt get into the chapter and I didn't want to lie about it cos I hate it when ppl lie in reviews. I agree with Saline the Salt Lake Queen that the kiss with Yue and touya was flat. it just didnt have the impact I thought it would have & It moved too quick. There was too much talking and not enough describing of what was happening in between that dialouge [e.g. I didnt even realise Yue had turned around to face Touya.] the start of the chapta was good & well described but it sped up towards the end. Yue didnt need to describe how he he wanted 2 be kissed. It woulda been better if he had only expected a chaste kiss [similar to what Touya gives 2 sakura at night] but then Touya surprises him and give him a deeper kiss: that woulda been better & more romantic i think.
The kiss that yue & Touya had just didnt have the impact I thought it would have & I've been lookin forward to their kiss ever since you mentiond it will happen ages ago. and it was kinda weird that Touya automaticlly knew to put his tongue in yue's mouth even tho he's neva kissed before & doesnt know much about kissing. But Sakura and Syaron's kiss was good & well described: i got a good image in my head of it. But I couldnt get a good image in my head of Yue and Touya's kiss cos there wasnt enough describing. Touya thought it was hot but thats all. There was nothing about Yue exept he was anxious and had soft lips But thats all. You shoulda gone deeper into their feelings on the matter. Something else botherd me too: when yue said "Yes, but perhaps in this instance, you’ll actually obey without fussing" and touya replied "Good point", well wasnt touya already cooperating with Yue by then? to get rid of the chains he had chosen to cooperate with yue in the bedroom. It seemd like they had both forgotten that.and wat about Touya's dinner with Sakura after the archery competition? why didnt you include that? surely it woulda been interesting having them both act nervous around each other: Sakura woulda been nervous about her brother finding out about the kiss she had with Syaron. & Touya woulda been nervous about the "kinky tasks" that he thought Yue was gona force onto him.
I also didnt like that you skipped the days after the sex in the rain wich made the chapta seem even more rushed. As if you were hurrying to get the chapter finished so you rushed past some days. what about Touyas opinion on taking control of Yue. What about Yue's opinion on his nightmare? didnt anything dramatic happen in those days? You just rushed through it all. why bother skipping those days at all?
1 more thing: this mite sound picky, but your words sounded "off" in this chapter. You usually have a way with words & everything you write seems to flow perfectly in this story. but in this chapta it seemed like you were struggling. Often your words didnt flow & they often sounded "off". i can't really explain why, but it just seemed "off" to me.
yue's speech was also odd: his dialouge wasnt as "beautiful" as usual. same goes for Touya: he sounded like a immature kid in this chapta. stuff like: "I lost track of time because I had to prove to this kid that I'm better than he is" & "Told ya" & "Am so allowed to be up here." seemd very immature and OOC to me.
i trust u that the next chapters b back on track. I think the rushed & "off" dialouge is due to the shortness of the recent chapters [since u obviously wanted a separete chapta for the kisses].

I am sorry if i offended you cos Im not trying to sound mean. this isnt a flame. i really luv the other chapta's but I think you should beta this chapta & add a few more details & stuff.

Ignore them, Capitalist! This chapter ran as smoothly as any other, I had no problem with the dialogue, and, hell, I could tell that Yue'd turned around when you commented, "He tore his gaze away from the rug and met Yue’s eyes, almost startled out of his anxiety." I think they're failing to realize that main difference between the kisses is that the Sakura/Syaoran one is, for all intents and purposes, forbidden! Hence Syaoran's thought's of, "I'm a dead man..." Okay, I'm done venting now. Still eagerly awaiting chapter 28! Laters.

ME here (being forced to actually sign in).

I loved the story with Syaoran and Sakura. Normally I skip over their parts and reread them later but this time I got suckered in and couldn't stop reading. Oh sugary sugary sugary sweet! But not in the negative sense. Just really wonderful. Which makes the second all that more puzzling because . . .

You really fell flat. The story with Yue and Touya's first kiss fell completely flat and it felt one dimensional and rushed. I think Yue putting in all of his detailed commands in on how the kiss just HAD to go ruined some of the expectation part and stiffened up the character interaction. *shrug* I know you must be tired of writing this story by now but still I think you could have really taken your time on that part and slowed down a little. Like I said Yue doesn't need to voice to us in the story that he wants Touya to put what he feels into it - we already know what he feels and undoubtedly it will come through once the action is set in motion. You really do have the skill to make me bite my nails and I was so looking foreword to this for so long. ; ; But if its a trade off to get such a cute kiss for Sakura I suppose I'm willing.

It wasn't the fact I had to enclose myself for 2 days and read it really... lol
It was more of a, well, you know when you read a good book, you have a hard time putting it down, and when you do, you wonder about it? Well that's what this story does. This is why you have so many fans of this story and so much talk about it.

I should preface this by mentioning that prior to reading this piece, I believed all of the good CCS fanfiction to have been written. And while for the most part, I'm nothing more than a glorified lurker, after having read this particular story, I felt compelled to express my gratitude for renewing my faith in a fandom I had once thought finished. It's so refreshing to see the time and care you've placed in crafting a complex and highly original alternate reality for these characters. Alternate universes are very difficult to write with any sort of character integrity, however, your characterizations are simply spot on. It's so very nice to see a work of fan-fiction that is genuinely interested in the creation of three dimensional characters whose flaws are just as interesting as their beauty and strength. Jealousy, anger, remorse... These are things which capture my interest. And of course, you've included all of these alongside compassion and grace, and the sort of slowly developing romance that is so delicious to savor. It's been absolutely delightful to watch Yue's slowly deteriorating coldness and Touya's invariably flagging will-power. Even Sakura and Li, who wouldn't otherwise have captured my attention (as I'm primarily in this for the slash), are both true to their original counterparts and very sweet with their unfolding romance. All in all, I find myself alternating between intrigued and, shall we say, a bit hot under the collar, and that's been all too rare in my recent forays into fanfiction. I do adore a good mystery, and look forward to discovering the reasons behind Yue's invariable disappearances. I do indeed have certain speculations, but in the interest of not spoiling anything for myself regarding what's to come, I do believe I'll keep those to myself for the time being. Thank you again for all of your time and effort. I look forward greatly to future installments. Cheers!

I like the scenario for this, and the long, long buildup is fun to follow. The Yue/Touya stuff is delightful. One quibble with Sakura - you've aged her up, but sometimes I get the feeling you're still writing her as a ten-year-old. Would she really still be getting dolls for her birthday?

Well, you have six months to do it, so here's hoping!! Ooh, kissy, kissy! What will Touya and Yue think when, and let's face it, we all know it's not if, its when, they find out about this little development in Sakura and Syaoran's relationship?! And I can think of a few reviewer who are happy now - Yue and Touya finally locked lips, too. Can you tell I'm not as interested in that point? Well, hurry and give us chapter 28!!! Laters!!

Wheee! *prances with happiness* They finally kissed! I'm soo happy! And I can't wait for the next chapter! *prances some more before kissing author* I love you!

Oh this is getting better and better. ^~^ hehehe, can't wait for more.

I swear to god, this story gets more and more amazing with every freaking chapter. Dude. I totally LOVE you. This story is fckin amzin.

I LOVED the newest chapter. You're such a teaser. They got so close to kissing, in that one part... I was just gripping my seat as I read it. I liked how vibrant and alive this chapter was, and the way you made the storm make Toya feel as if he were empowered was done really well. Also, the Syaoran x Sakura is getting unbearably cute. I love the way you potray Syaoran. He's such a badass, lol. Are you planning some reallyreally big plot twist soon? I getting a vibe... Hehe...

Keep writing! :>