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May 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Okay- CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. This is not meant as a FLAME, get it? I have no RIGHT to flame a writer because I\'m not even a good author myself.
Erm, okay... Moving on.
Characters were a bit OOC. *nods* Improve on that.
Your grammar is... well, not really that good. I caught sight of a lot of run-on sentences; and when you write a fic, use Microsoft Word or anything that detects grammar and spelling mistakes. Don\'t trust it too much, though... sometimes I am way better than the grammar checker. ^^;; Seriously.
Uhm... add a little bit more detail to make the fic more interesting.
And... last but not the least: Although this is AFF, lemons are not really the most important thing. I know this is a PWP, but you should at least add a bit more... erm, detail, like I said before.
Hope this helps. You should not lose hope especially when you love to write. ^_^ \"Great people fail sometimes, too.\" :) You know what? To tell you the truth, I fail too. ^_^ But I never give up and I will never abandon by fics. Never. :) So don\'t mind the people that flame you just because of your writings. *nods* They help you sometimes, right? If ever someone flames me, it motivates me more to write better and improve my style. ^_^
If you ever need a beta reader, I\'m always here. :) Although I can suggest a few better ones than me, but they are always busy. ^^;; Here\'s my profile if ever: http://www.fanfiction.net/~fallinoutfallinin.
Oh, and one more thing:
\"Failure teaches success\"
...signing off.
Erm, okay... Moving on.
Characters were a bit OOC. *nods* Improve on that.
Your grammar is... well, not really that good. I caught sight of a lot of run-on sentences; and when you write a fic, use Microsoft Word or anything that detects grammar and spelling mistakes. Don\'t trust it too much, though... sometimes I am way better than the grammar checker. ^^;; Seriously.
Uhm... add a little bit more detail to make the fic more interesting.
And... last but not the least: Although this is AFF, lemons are not really the most important thing. I know this is a PWP, but you should at least add a bit more... erm, detail, like I said before.
Hope this helps. You should not lose hope especially when you love to write. ^_^ \"Great people fail sometimes, too.\" :) You know what? To tell you the truth, I fail too. ^_^ But I never give up and I will never abandon by fics. Never. :) So don\'t mind the people that flame you just because of your writings. *nods* They help you sometimes, right? If ever someone flames me, it motivates me more to write better and improve my style. ^_^
If you ever need a beta reader, I\'m always here. :) Although I can suggest a few better ones than me, but they are always busy. ^^;; Here\'s my profile if ever: http://www.fanfiction.net/~fallinoutfallinin.
Oh, and one more thing:
\"Failure teaches success\"
...signing off.
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April 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please continue this story. Shu/Ryu is my favorite pair, but I always feel sorry for Y. You create a hot story with my favorite characters.
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April 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
im not allowed to review under 5 different names, am i? HOPEFULLY THIS THE FIFTHE REVIEW AND U WILLL CONTINUE!
pleaase continue.
byebye^_^
~~harahettamonkeyking
pleaase continue.
byebye^_^
~~harahettamonkeyking
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March 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oooooooooooo when is th next chapter coming out
i love this story
i love this story
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March 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it was really good
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February 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please update I really enjoy it *smirk*XD
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February 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is a pretty good story, but it looks like you need a beta reader to go over your work just to make minor corrections. But other then that I think that you are doing a great job with the story. If you need a beta reader I would be more then happy to help you out.
Lovia
Lovia
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February 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please continue, it\'s getting very interesting!
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January 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Just a few things to work on: your fic is filled with grammar and spelling mistakes. The characters are also rather OOC and the dialogues are corny at times. Here\'s how I would rate the fic:
Grammar/spelling : 6/10
Originality : 6.5/10
Style of writing: 7/10
Character development + plot devices: 6/10
Overall 6.5/10
Grammar/spelling : 6/10
Originality : 6.5/10
Style of writing: 7/10
Character development + plot devices: 6/10
Overall 6.5/10
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January 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
love the story
please write more
please write more