schedule
March 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapters 1-2
Hokay, so, you've hooked me and I will finish reading, but I have a few comments:
Seiji is the warrior of Courtesy. Honor is deadly important to him and if he were to behave as he does in your story there had better be a logical conclusion at the end, like, mind-control. Malkavian blood or something. Something that can be cured, because I have a hard time seeing Seiji be such an ass.
Rowen better whip Sage into shape. And save Ryou. I dunno if I like this Casey guy... especially since he's telepathic.
Chapter 3
There is something up with aff.net that there are so many weird typos all over the place, and it's not just your story. I wonder if the constant server switching is screwing up the text.
Ack. NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!! Ryou!!!! Don't!
...
Damn it.
You know, I'm not sure if I'd go with Sage either.
Chapter 4
Oh my. Now that's interesting...
Chapter 5
Oh, COME ON! The Armor of Wildfire! Fire. Kills. Vampires. He's used to killing supernatural demons. Aw, hell. That's a terribly bad thing of you to do, CassandraTerra. You'd better not put a rape scene in this without a warning. I don't read non-con.
Chapter 6-Ep
Wake-up calls are good. Still no explanation as to Sage's behavior.
Just kill bad guy. Now.
... Ok, at what point does Sage miss the concept that fighting a vampire without supernatural assistance is stupid? Or Ryou for that matter. Or maybe to call the rest of the guys, since generally speaking, they are a TEAM.
And that was a strange ending to a battle.
Okay, deus ex machina. Who is 'they'? What happened to Rowan and his issues? And some Sage-apology and groveling would be nice to see, too. And a reason. For a character strength-building exercise, I understand Ryou going back tohim, but personally, I think Ryou should have ditched him and gone for Rowen. The guys are a team. I love my OC's too, but the guys are a team, and I wish that could have come out more.
Aside from that, I have to say, you have a wonderful writing style. You hooked me so I decided you deserved the blow-by-blow reaction. I hope my reactions were (for the most part) what you wanted your audience to say. You have beautiful descriptions; there was always a clear picture in my mind of the action. I don't have to agree with your characterization to believe it, and I believed it. Plot's a little iffy, murders could have been investigated by the Ronin, but your focus was Ryou, and that's fine.
Keep progressing. Remember to keep clear on your themes and strateg-ize your plot-lines.
Hokay, so, you've hooked me and I will finish reading, but I have a few comments:
Seiji is the warrior of Courtesy. Honor is deadly important to him and if he were to behave as he does in your story there had better be a logical conclusion at the end, like, mind-control. Malkavian blood or something. Something that can be cured, because I have a hard time seeing Seiji be such an ass.
Rowen better whip Sage into shape. And save Ryou. I dunno if I like this Casey guy... especially since he's telepathic.
Chapter 3
There is something up with aff.net that there are so many weird typos all over the place, and it's not just your story. I wonder if the constant server switching is screwing up the text.
Ack. NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!! Ryou!!!! Don't!
...
Damn it.
You know, I'm not sure if I'd go with Sage either.
Chapter 4
Oh my. Now that's interesting...
Chapter 5
Oh, COME ON! The Armor of Wildfire! Fire. Kills. Vampires. He's used to killing supernatural demons. Aw, hell. That's a terribly bad thing of you to do, CassandraTerra. You'd better not put a rape scene in this without a warning. I don't read non-con.
Chapter 6-Ep
Wake-up calls are good. Still no explanation as to Sage's behavior.
Just kill bad guy. Now.
... Ok, at what point does Sage miss the concept that fighting a vampire without supernatural assistance is stupid? Or Ryou for that matter. Or maybe to call the rest of the guys, since generally speaking, they are a TEAM.
And that was a strange ending to a battle.
Okay, deus ex machina. Who is 'they'? What happened to Rowan and his issues? And some Sage-apology and groveling would be nice to see, too. And a reason. For a character strength-building exercise, I understand Ryou going back tohim, but personally, I think Ryou should have ditched him and gone for Rowen. The guys are a team. I love my OC's too, but the guys are a team, and I wish that could have come out more.
Aside from that, I have to say, you have a wonderful writing style. You hooked me so I decided you deserved the blow-by-blow reaction. I hope my reactions were (for the most part) what you wanted your audience to say. You have beautiful descriptions; there was always a clear picture in my mind of the action. I don't have to agree with your characterization to believe it, and I believed it. Plot's a little iffy, murders could have been investigated by the Ronin, but your focus was Ryou, and that's fine.
Keep progressing. Remember to keep clear on your themes and strateg-ize your plot-lines.
schedule
July 24, 2003 at 12:00 AM
This was really cool! I usually don\'t like Vampire fics, but this was really well done! I hope that there is a sequl 2 this!
schedule
May 5, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Chapter five is getting very iteresting, indeed! There\'s more of a plot that I can follow, and the emotions are clearer than before.
schedule
May 5, 2003 at 12:00 AM
This chapter was great. I hope to see more of your story in the furture!
schedule
May 5, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I like the story, but it\'s kinda hard to tell who\'s whom because there\'s not a clear break in the scenes. Mo info l8r
schedule
April 23, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I like, despite not knowing anything about Ronin Warriors except what you\'ve told me. Vampires are always fun.
It\'s very well written, except for a small word usage mistake here and there. \"Stratifying crunch\" is still my favorite.
It\'s very well written, except for a small word usage mistake here and there. \"Stratifying crunch\" is still my favorite.