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June 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You really need to make this into seperate paragraphs, I don\'t like concentrating on not reading the same line 5 times in a row because they are all jammed together. The second chapter was great, because it was seperated. But the first and third should really be redone with the paragraphs. Good story either way I suppose.
Rock on.
Rock on.
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March 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
The writing was okay...but you really need to seperate the paragraphs. Makes the story easier to read. I ended up reading the same line like 7 times in a row cause it was crammed with the who story.
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February 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well, so sorry it took me awhile to post everyone. Finally chapter 3 is up! XD And For those of you who are Vash fans, I\'am gonna post Angel In Red! Another of my fan fics... Don\'t know how long it may take but keep a look out! And don\'t be afaird, Read and review,PLZ?? I don\'t bite....much... Later days, KingofManga
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February 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
(Short Post!!!) Special Thanks to Glass Bullet-Sensei for helping me out!! (Hugz and Kisses!) And A Huge Thanks to my readers (even though they don\'t review...) XD Later!!
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January 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
The story has potentional, but it needs to be in paragraphs. It\'s much too hard to read. Seperate the dialogue from the actions. You might want to replace the all caps words so that they are normal.. one or two exclamations get the point across just as well. Don\'t worry, work at it. There\'s no such thing as bad writing -- only stories that need improvement. :)