rate_review Reviews

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SO HATE YOU!!!!!! @_@ How could you have leave it at that???????????? When it was geting so goood?!?! You better have another chapter soon up or all your fan that agreeds we me are going to hurt you!!!!!!*_* So don\'t be a meanie and do another chapter!!!!!!!!!!! Pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or I won\'t live until this the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!! !_! So hurry up and update soon pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^________________________________________________________________________________*
You Fan,
Silver Rose Fox
a.k.a
Foxxy.^_*

lol....oh wow..how mean a cliff hanger...I hope you don\'t leave us hanging for too long or we\'ll choke....please continue soon :D

just wanted to say one more thing.....I agree with Hitomi......please don\'t be one of those people to say that she was being mean by telling you that it is not good as it is written now.....what she (i\'m guessing its a she) said is so very true and i hope you take her advice...good luck ;D

haha i like the cliff hanger!!

(Ch. 4)
I\'m not going to flame this chapter, but I have to say this: even if you really want to post right away, it\'s better you wait, get it beta-ed and then publish it with a delay instead of a very haistly mistake-filled chapter.
It wasn\'t a plotless chapter; every chapter somehow connects, like Shuichi meeting Eiri in the end, and Suguru and Hiro\'s romance becoming public to us readers. But you seem to have some inconsistencies; First, Suguru said that he would need to warm up Shuichi\'s bath water, and for the best of my knowledge, he would need to do *something* to warm up the water instead of smooching with his boyfriend.
Secondly, Wasn\'t this certain bath house for servants? If so, why was Eiri, the price, there? Even if he did seek solace I doubt Eiri, with his mightier than thou act would place his foot in the servant\'s bath house.

Also I would like to suggest that the sound of knocking, or other sounds as such, shouldn\'t be written out. i.e. \"A loud knock on the door pulled Shuichi out of his sleep...\" or \"The knocking continued, each knock quickly increasing in volume.\"

Please, this story has so much potential! I would really like to see both this story improve in style, grammar and spelling and both in your personal knowledge of the English language.
Please don\'t simply rely on Word\'s spell and grammar check, it is often wrong. You need a beta, and to re-read the chapter a couple of times before posting. [I find that taking a break after the first re-read and taking a long-ish break before re-reading the chapter once again helps me find mistakes that I wouldn\'t see without the afermentioned break.]

Please take my comments to heart. I would like no more than to see a beta-ed version of this fanfiction. It\'s concept and idea is far too precious to let it go to waste.

Hope you have on your family vacation.

Until the next chapter,
Ja ne~

Well I think there\'s plot, don\'t be so hard on yourself, this is a very good story, and you are so incredibly evil for leaving it right there, hurry up and get back from vacationing!!!!!>< Keep up the good work and get out of writers block... please^__^

AH!! You\'re evil!! That was totally unfair!!

WAH!!! <-look at that! You made me cry!!

Hey, this chapter was really good, yea I WAS a little bit disappointed that there wasn\'t a lemon between Eiri and Shuichi, but then again like you said it would be too soon. Now the characters can dream about it and crave for it to actually happen... if that is going to be the case but what happens happens^^. Awe I\'m sorry you\'re sick, that really sucks, take vitamin C and Zinc, it will be gone within 3-4 days at the most ^^, well I am anticipating the next chapter and hope to read it soon, keep up the good work^__^!!!

Although the idea behind the great is pretty good, there are some things that need fixing. You need to watch out for grammar and spelling mistakes, and some of the wordings in the sentences are awkward. Here is my rating:

Grammar/spelling: 6/10
Writing style: 6/10
Entertainment factor 9/10
Plot + character development 6.5/10

hey! lol i liked this chapter...the grammar is still irking me though....um i don\'t mind who you choose. The choice is up to you...the story is really interesting...can\'t wait for the next chappy :D