AFF Fiction Portal
GroupsMembersexpand_more
person_addRegisterexpand_more

rate_review Reviews

for Being Loved

by NinElise

person SanoUno
schedule October 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like it. You should edit it though: spaces, some mistakes like here
'too look at the small pink rose bud, purring he then it a few times' - I quess you lost 'licked'
Oh, and you shouldn't write 'coz' instead of 'because', especially when it's not a dialogue.
person Sakora
schedule February 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!...^^ more please?
person SMS
schedule February 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
cute idea, it does seem like a good time for Omi to tell Ken he loves him. I\'m not a huge Omi/Ken shipper but I do think the go well together. Watch your tenses and things like \"to\" instead of \"too\". Paragraghs would also make it much easier to read, I got a headache reading line after line with no spaces. And definately work on the interaction of the characters. If you put quotes in for a conversation, a new paragraph needs to come after the end of the quote. good idea though, keep working :)

Age Verification Required

This website contains adult content. You must be 18 years or older to access this site.

Are you 18 years of age or older?

Need Help? Click Here or Try Again