schedule
March 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
can\'t wait to read what happens next! Does Gojyo fall in love with Goku or does Sanzo get jealous and take Goku back?
schedule
March 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh my goodness, you are such a sadistic writer. the fic is just plain sexual torture. the details are so vivid that i almost saw it like a movie reel. gawd, you are just gawd. please update soon. this is too hot to be miss!
schedule
March 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is an adorable fiction!
I personally hate 5/9, but you quickly made it interesting. It has the whole bigbrotherly feel to it, and it dragged me in. ^^
Keep Writing-
Zil
I personally hate 5/9, but you quickly made it interesting. It has the whole bigbrotherly feel to it, and it dragged me in. ^^
Keep Writing-
Zil
schedule
March 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was both utterly HOT and absolutely ADORABLE. i don\'t know how ya did it but, ya did. was it sanzo that was staring at them??? will they be found in the morning together??? When with the next chappie be up??? I\'ll stay tuned for an update....till then, ja ne!
Much Love
Eddie
Much Love
Eddie
schedule
March 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*madly grinning* 59 is one of the pairings I like soo much, but never seem to be able to write ^^ (And the combo with 83 is made - aw! =D) Wonderful, wonderful, but you\'ve got told it all already =) Can\'t wait to see what Sanzo\'s parental feelings will boil down to)
schedule
March 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I love this story so much!! Please update soon.
schedule
March 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Whoo hoo!! i hoping to see an update for this and look i got one! wow. what can i say. that was some serious..... pardon the language.... serious hot shit going on back there. it was soo great. i swear you captured gojyo\'s personality beautifully! \"Hell no. I taste like beer, smokes and women...... I’m not bringing that to your bed.” *squeals happily* that so sounds like something gojyo would say. crude yet sweet at the same time. you just made my heart wanna melt at the end of the chapter. i cant wait to read more. i wanna know how much longer sanzo plans on keeping his mouth shut before he confronts gojyo about his actions. so until then, looking foward to the next \"lesson\".
schedule
March 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Excellent second chapter, dear!
You made me melt several times. “Awww….” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I actually got misty eyed at…
“Hell no. I taste like beer, smokes and women.” He dropped his hand. “I’m not bringing that to your bed.”
I put a hand to my mouth and spoke to the air, “That is SO Gojyo.” And it is, you NAILED it. That sentence just sums up the whole “I know what I do is wrong and I’m not tainting you like that” with the “she was fine for me, but not good enough for you.” Oh my goodness, STILL got a lump in my throat.
How in the world you can present a Goku that seems such a believable adult participant in bedroom activities WHILE not being able to find the “ the edge of the covers” is totally beyond me. Oh my goodness -- again wonderful! I’m getting choked up again.
You have found, highlighted, danced upon and claimed as your own the line between adult and kid between both of these. Eroticism and sweetness all rolled into one. How … HOW you do this is simply beyond me. Blows my mind. Bravo! Thank you so much for writing a second installment.
Don’t worry about the time between your chapters, you’ll drive yourself nuts over it. As much as we ,as readers, want the next chapter of the stories we follow, we want those chapters when they arrive to be good. We’d rather have a bit of a waiting period than something that feels like less that the writers best work. Take your time and be happy with what you present and no doubt the readers will be happy with you.
You have done three things to me.
1) You’ve made me like this pairing. I mean really like it not just find it cute.
2) Sparked my muse for another pairing. A pairing I once SWORE I would never write. I better back away from the keyboard before my fingers get in trouble.
3) Taught me two new words: brunet and sac. I’m such a idiot. I have never seen the word brunet before. So, I had to look it up. That’s when I learned that brunette is female and brunet is asexual (or male) as well as blonde being female and blond being asexual (or male). I’ve been doing it wrong all this time and no one called me on it. Sheesh! I’m so glad word processors have a find and replace function.
If I may be so bold as to offer one tiny bit of criticism -- you have a sentence that teeters on vague. I’m trying to practice what I preach by saying reviews that are totally glowing do not truly help the writer. Please, do not think me arrogant; I know I have weaknesses.
“He suspected the bogus priest knew something had happened to his monkey. He wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but he knew.”
I think what you were intending on conveying is that Gojyo somehow knew that Sanzo knew. The second sentence can be read two different ways. He [Gojyo] wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but he knew. One interpretation -- the last he knew is for emphasis reflecting back to Sanzo. Gojyo wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but Sanzo knew.
The second interpretation is emphasizing that Gojyo knew that Sanzo knew. Gojyo wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but Gojyo knew. (which with the proper name inserted for clarity is now a poorly written sentence and as thus changes to -- something like -- Gojyo wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but something in Gojyo’s gut told him that Sanzo knew -- or a multitude of other ways of rewording). HOWEVER, you may have intended it to be vague and let the readers own mini-paranoia fill in the name behind the “he” if that’s the case forget everything I just said.
Pronoun usage, in my opinion, is the hardest thing to handle. I don’t even want to THINK about my own mistakes. Then, just as you think you have a grasp of the pronoun usage -- you start in with the “Gee, I sure use HE and HIS a lot. This is redundant and smacks of triteness.” After doing some checking, I’ve come to learn that simple pronouns are practically invisible to the reader and it takes a lot longer for the reader to grow weary of a particular word than we realize. I also have to smack myself and think, “I’m dealing with four he’s here -- so yes -- I am using he a lot …geez.”
Ahh, the joys of yaoi and all the he’s to get mixed-up.
Again, excellent work. Your style is a smooth as ever. You’re believability is up there. You’ve mastered the line between adult and child in both of the characters.
Oh, yes. Am I the only one that thought your reference to the 3/8 going on was rather hot? You handled that very well. As well as showing that both of Goku and Gojyo have a longing for two men that seem a bit distracted with each other to notice the looks that no doubt come their way.
Wow! Keep on keeping on and I’m looking forward to your next chapter.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
You made me melt several times. “Awww….” doesn’t even begin to cover it. I actually got misty eyed at…
“Hell no. I taste like beer, smokes and women.” He dropped his hand. “I’m not bringing that to your bed.”
I put a hand to my mouth and spoke to the air, “That is SO Gojyo.” And it is, you NAILED it. That sentence just sums up the whole “I know what I do is wrong and I’m not tainting you like that” with the “she was fine for me, but not good enough for you.” Oh my goodness, STILL got a lump in my throat.
How in the world you can present a Goku that seems such a believable adult participant in bedroom activities WHILE not being able to find the “ the edge of the covers” is totally beyond me. Oh my goodness -- again wonderful! I’m getting choked up again.
You have found, highlighted, danced upon and claimed as your own the line between adult and kid between both of these. Eroticism and sweetness all rolled into one. How … HOW you do this is simply beyond me. Blows my mind. Bravo! Thank you so much for writing a second installment.
Don’t worry about the time between your chapters, you’ll drive yourself nuts over it. As much as we ,as readers, want the next chapter of the stories we follow, we want those chapters when they arrive to be good. We’d rather have a bit of a waiting period than something that feels like less that the writers best work. Take your time and be happy with what you present and no doubt the readers will be happy with you.
You have done three things to me.
1) You’ve made me like this pairing. I mean really like it not just find it cute.
2) Sparked my muse for another pairing. A pairing I once SWORE I would never write. I better back away from the keyboard before my fingers get in trouble.
3) Taught me two new words: brunet and sac. I’m such a idiot. I have never seen the word brunet before. So, I had to look it up. That’s when I learned that brunette is female and brunet is asexual (or male) as well as blonde being female and blond being asexual (or male). I’ve been doing it wrong all this time and no one called me on it. Sheesh! I’m so glad word processors have a find and replace function.
If I may be so bold as to offer one tiny bit of criticism -- you have a sentence that teeters on vague. I’m trying to practice what I preach by saying reviews that are totally glowing do not truly help the writer. Please, do not think me arrogant; I know I have weaknesses.
“He suspected the bogus priest knew something had happened to his monkey. He wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but he knew.”
I think what you were intending on conveying is that Gojyo somehow knew that Sanzo knew. The second sentence can be read two different ways. He [Gojyo] wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but he knew. One interpretation -- the last he knew is for emphasis reflecting back to Sanzo. Gojyo wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but Sanzo knew.
The second interpretation is emphasizing that Gojyo knew that Sanzo knew. Gojyo wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but Gojyo knew. (which with the proper name inserted for clarity is now a poorly written sentence and as thus changes to -- something like -- Gojyo wasn’t sure how Sanzo knew, but something in Gojyo’s gut told him that Sanzo knew -- or a multitude of other ways of rewording). HOWEVER, you may have intended it to be vague and let the readers own mini-paranoia fill in the name behind the “he” if that’s the case forget everything I just said.
Pronoun usage, in my opinion, is the hardest thing to handle. I don’t even want to THINK about my own mistakes. Then, just as you think you have a grasp of the pronoun usage -- you start in with the “Gee, I sure use HE and HIS a lot. This is redundant and smacks of triteness.” After doing some checking, I’ve come to learn that simple pronouns are practically invisible to the reader and it takes a lot longer for the reader to grow weary of a particular word than we realize. I also have to smack myself and think, “I’m dealing with four he’s here -- so yes -- I am using he a lot …geez.”
Ahh, the joys of yaoi and all the he’s to get mixed-up.
Again, excellent work. Your style is a smooth as ever. You’re believability is up there. You’ve mastered the line between adult and child in both of the characters.
Oh, yes. Am I the only one that thought your reference to the 3/8 going on was rather hot? You handled that very well. As well as showing that both of Goku and Gojyo have a longing for two men that seem a bit distracted with each other to notice the looks that no doubt come their way.
Wow! Keep on keeping on and I’m looking forward to your next chapter.
Cupnjava c[~]~~~*sip*
schedule
March 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Perfect thing to read while procrastinating from a paper. :) I really enjoyed this second chapter as well--I was looking foward to it! You really do write a wonderful characterization of the two, and I really liked how you mentioned Sanzo and his reaction to it--he would notice something with Goku. And I like Goyjo\'s mind set on it all. He\'s still feeling slightly guilty, but then there is something else. Please keep up the good work with this, you are a very good writer.
schedule
March 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You know, I normally do not like Gojyo and Goku fics and almost didn\'t go in and read this one, but I really wanted a dose of Goku so I took a chance! And I\'m DAMN glad I did! This was AWESOME!! You have done such a good job of keeping the essence of each of the characters IN character!! And this particular chapter was so sweet!! I cannot wait for the next chapter. And as much as I love the job you did with this, I must confess I really want to see Goku wind up with my favorite bad-assed Priest!!! I can however wait a bit for that to happen!!! *grins*