rate_review Reviews

Well, I liked it because it kept me interested. That\'s always a great sign -- give the audience something to look for. Unfortunately, I didn\'t really see that much of a pay off. I think it\'s the last line: the sobbing. Not truly effective. It needs some more emotional depth. Perhaps I need to go read to original, just to get my bearings. However, it was still pretty well written, perhaps, though, begging a bit more in the way of setting? Dark is one thing, but shadows and spikes and pires and all that delicious cathedral jazz is a whole other level. Make it dark, but make it an exploration. Also, fix this:

\"As she slipped her thick shoulder sleeves down her arms and pulled down the bodice to uncover her breasts, back, and a great deal of her belly, she turned an ashen white except for the twin red plumes on her checks.\"

Cheeks, right? :D

Anyway, I saw that it was hurting for reviews so I went for it. Nice job.